...

One of the most well-composed trailers I've seen in a long time (not counting LotR: Return of the King and Two Towers). Plus being a bit of a long time fan of Frank Miller's works (I think I got a glimpse of Sin City graphic novels during the fifth grade) I admire his "visual style". Stark contrast (with occasional splashes of colour) w/c works so well on setting the mood.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Regardless of what I said earlier, I'm looking forward to a more exciting/productive year (when I actually get to do "something" with the right materials). Great Holidays to all. :D

Boredom in the Dull-house

My life these past few days has become excruciatingly dull, boring...and all other words pertaining to "lack of significance". Maybe it was the fact that I keep doing "quasi-somethings" or because there has been "nothing" going on. Nothing even remotely stimulating (I wonder when that bathroom painting project will start? Yes. I'd rather paint bathrooms now.)

You know it's bad when cutting paper price tags and stapling numerous brochures/flyers has become somewhat enlivening. I've also been asked to hand out flyers later this afternoon - on god-knows-where - which is not anywhere near "stimulating". But rather tramples on my self-esteem like a herd of stampeding elephants (I detest handing out flyers, if you must know - I'd very much prefer transcribing ancient documents while sitting on a dark basement room for days on end).

It's like walking underwater. There's also a pervading sense of unreality. It's like there's a thin film separating this world from me. I'm viewing things from the other end of a very long tunnel. Wha! That sure is descriptive.

So far, I feel most alive when working on my drawings. And maybe when I still have my Windows OS and Photoshop (not to mention my music, as most of the songs I hear as of late are rather "cringe-inducing" and prevents me -in part- from making "inspired" creations. Yes I'm "weird" that way.) *sigh* I haven't practiced Photoshop for ages! And SWISH too - I miss making all those R.E. mini-animations (w/c unfortunately got formatted along with my WINMe), while imagining music videos for songs like "Head Like A Hole" and "Getting Away With Murder". I've also designed a number of experimental CD covers/jackets.

The only "creative" stint I've had is making flyers (which is also "boredom-inducing" to the Nth degree. Did I also mention "uninspiring"?? That is almost as bad as designing generic calling cards and other types of cards - except maybe "Hallmark" types) I'd also like to point out the fact that it is "disheartening" to find your work trimmed-down and produced/printed on "non-quality" materials. Can you imagine how Da Vinci would feel if you asked him to paint an elaborate colored canvas only to tell him that his work will not appear as it is, but would rather be xeroxed, printed and mass-marketed using "lunch-bag" paper (or some other equivalent material)? I can see him wanting to thump you.

I can remember one "slightly-exciting" project this year. And it's the "Kiwanis Programme" (yeah, I kid you not). Sure, Ive been pressed for time (I got maybe 3 days) and it's not even the best of my creations (there ARE flaws). But at least, I got to use quality materials. Overnighting isn't too bad either (In all honesty, I'd be much happier if I'm allowed to work at night. With the lights - except the computer screen - out. No other people milling about, I can think and do my work better when I'm left with minimum supervision. The best time to come up with "earth-shattering" inspirations is between one to five in the morning, according to my experience. Yes, once again, I'm "weird" that way.) There's nothing more annoying than being pestered every two minutes about your progress and someone hovering like an overgrown bat (think Snape) over your shoulder.

Hey, I've read somewhere that "business" and "artist" types don't always see eye-to-eye. Except maybe in places like LucasArts or Square Enix. There must be some kind of gap/gulf in the communication.

Yes, I do understand that we live in the "real" world and there are such things as budget and stuff like that. :( But that doesn't stop me from ranting. Ehe! A way to diminish the "boredom".

Do you know how an aneurysm feels like? I can tell one coming up right now.
Ach! But I made up my plans for next year (in which things will get progressively better, I hope. Too bad, I had to sacrifice my "personal philosophy". Something I have managed not to do for the last 2 and 1/2 years, despite the pressures. But then there's the "Principle of Equivalent Exchange")

Christmas plans. I'll work on Dwayne Hicks and another original illustration. Or sleep. Who knows??

don't you agree??

Don't you agree that some people are alive simply because it is illegal (not to mention "traditionally" wrong) to kill them???

I never thought I'd come across such a person, until now. My first thought after "exchanging views" (if you could call it that) with this one is to cause him as much pain as possible (i'm thinking along "kill bill" lines). Now I'm a generally "peaceful" individual (snicker - ok so I admit that I'm a bit "hot-headed") so you can imagine what an as*hole that person is.

No, WAIT! Actually I met TWO such people! One idiot in the D.A. (not Dumbledore's Army - DeviantArt) and another HERE (I kid you NOT!) in the very confines of this company (now I cannot imagine what the little turd - sorry for less than civilzed language, but I am not feeling very civilized just now - is doing here (except maybe to bring about the spread of some ghastly disease - Ebola or Anthrax, maybe both). I never thought I'd see "it" again (I refuse to consider "it" a person, because "it" certainly is not, given the attitude of Its Royal Foulness), after so many years. I guess it is a small world after all. Thank goodness I never see this "poor excuse for a human being" regularly (as I would have set myself on fire than be subjected to an such "eye-sore" everyday) >.<

Of course, I looked all detached when I came face to face with "it". But my mental eyeballs were popping out of their sockets! O! The horror! The Horror!

.hack//SIGN :: Auguries of Destruction

The cast of .hack//SIGN

That old "sense of injustice" is coming back again. Maybe it's because I never really got the answer to that "monumental" question, "WHY?!" I also need to check my temper again, these days it's steadily rising dangerously close to the surface. I actually hate it when I get angry (heh! what a statement). Besides the fact that being in a "rage" is quite taxing, I tend to get an urge to break/destroy things (but I manage to restrain myself most of the time). So far I've only broken the "magnetic designs" on the fridge when I slammed the door in a fit of fury (I think we were discussing the "meaning of life", which got me worked up so much - it's like all old bile rising). *sigh* I guess I'm not taking my own advice. I need to focus on more "healthy" ways of dissipating anger...*shakes head*

And I'm back to my old "disengage/ignore tactics" again. Not a good sign. It's not good to be "Ikari-esque". They tend to alienate those around me (as the incident with my brother proved). Sometimes, I get ashamed of my bahaviour, but that has never been enough to "actually" change it. I do consider myself "well-armored" - by that I mean, I have an arsenal of pretty well-developed defense mechanisms from my years in the "slam". ;)

On to the main topic:

It all started when my bro (as I have mentioned in my previous posts) lent me a copy of this anime. It's based on a MMPORPG (massively multi-player online role-playing game - think Ragnarok) of the same title, or so I've read. I have only seen the first two episodes, and I immediately liked the main protagonist (Tsukasa - guy at the foreground), which rarely happens. He sort of reminded me of myself - a bit "cold", "unfriendly" and generally "stand-offish", sometimes to the point of "apparent" rudeness (wahahaha). I've been doing some "background reading" as I hate being thrust into the "unknown" without even an aota of information. According to one reviewer, Tsukasa's character makes Shinji Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion - one of the most mentally/emotionally taxing shows I've ever seen, there's also the fact that almost all characters have some sort of mental affliction - which makes it on top of my favourites) seem out-going and social (wahahaha :p) Oh, the character designer of .hack//SIGN happens to be Yoshiyuki Sadamoto [ah! Sadamoto-sensei!] (the same guy who did EVA), an added bonus!

I asked my father to get episodes 3-10 for me (four CDs). I'm planning to get Z.O.E (Zone of the Enders) next (ack! that's why I need more money!) I calculated the costs already. [dot]hack has 28 episodes, which means I need to get 14 CDs (which amounts to 350php) >.< *sigh* I also need to complete Hellsing (4 CDs to go).

.hack//SIGN is intensely character-driven (and there's also the tendency of characters to sound like they were on "Oprah" - they sometimes drone on and on, but this is a plus factor for me - lots of introspection) and has extremely "slow" phasing (episodes will pass without much "action" - but one needs to look closer). A lot of "shoot-em-up" fans complain about this (as they expect lots of fighting..err), although more "patient" ones regard this as .hack's strong points. The music is excellent, most of the song-inserts remind me of Enya. :)

Last, last Saturday I also had the opportunity to watch AKIRA (internationally acclaimed masterpiece by Katsuhiro Otomo). His works tend to deal with the concept of "absolute freedom". Of course themes like friendship, loyalty, hate, intolerance and such were dealt with in such a realistic way, despite the futuristic setting. Such a bittersweet ending. ;) The artwork was simply gorgeous. Otomo-sensei had such a way with "details".

...

Haunted [PoE]

Come here
Pretty please
Can you tell me where I am
You won’t you say something
I need to get my bearings
I’m lost
And the shadows keep on changing

And I’m haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated
I’m haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head

Don’t cry,
There’s always a way
Here in november in this house of leaves
We’ll pray
Please, I know it’s hard to believe
To see a perfect forest
Through so many splintered trees
You and me
And these shadows keep on changing

And I’m haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated
I’m haunted
By the promises I’ve made
And others I have broken
I’m haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head

Hallways... always

I’ll always love you
I’ll always need you
I’ll always want you

And I will always miss you

Come here
No I won’t say please
One more look at the ghost
Before I’m gonna make it leave
Come here
I’ve got the pieces here
Time to gather up the splinters
Build a casket for my tears

I’m haunted
(by the lives that I have loved)
I’m haunted
(by the promises I’ve made)
I’m haunted
By the hallways in this tiny room
The echos there of me and you
The voices that are carrying this tune

Father :
What is it annie?

Daughter :
You think I’ll cry? I won’t cry!
My heart will break before I cry!
I will go mad.

The Shadow of the Past*

Some random thoughts. :)

ok. i've been reading Lord of the Rings: Fellowship last night (I mean "seriously" reading it). It has some hilarious *and many more to come i'm sure* moments. How they think the Bagginses (at least Bilbo and Frodo) were "cracked" (or "touched" in the head).

Anyway, I found this very "interesting" article written by one called CyberWolfman. It's about the Columbine Shootings (as you can probably see). I have a copy of TIME Magazine's "The Monsters Next Door" issue (although I found most of the articles there "controlling", not really pinpointing the truth about "why it happened?" & complete with all that "manipulative" montages - as if people suddenly "snap" without reason). Ok, so here's the article (it's a bit "funny", if you like "black humour")

But first here's a little "argument" / "equation" that has been "rolling around my head" for a very long time (since time immemorial in fact). Suppose a group of "humans" are harassing some random person. These group of humans happen to be the "prototype" by which all people should be patterned (think PHALANX) - you know "everyone" thinks they're "rad" and all. On the contrary, Random Person is deemed "weird" and therefore the said "humans" continue to harrass Random Person day in and day out. Random Person endures (meaning he does every technique at his disposal - ignoring the said "humans" and going to the "proper authorities" - to no avail, because the said "humans" have a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde persona and so impossible to implicate) for a time. But then Random Person suddenly realize that "there is NO ONE coming" (and don't get me started on "God"...please!) and so Random Person decides to take matters in is own hands (i.e. retaliate - which is of course "evil" in the eyes of the said "humans" who think that trying to prevent yourself from being a "bloody corpse" is wrong). I mean here's the thought pattern behind this:

"The guy's weird, so we the "healthy", "well-adjusted", "normal" ones reserve the right to beat him up (or psychologically abuse him, by teasing, calling him names). And he can't fight back, no sir, he's weird, he doesn't have those rights! Isn't that what's "normal"? If he wants us to stop, HE should be the one adjust, because 'majority rules'! We don't have to respect his rights, because his being "weird"/"different" took those rights from him!"

Wow! The end of civilization as we know it!

Here's the article BTW:

The Columbine Shootings, April 20th, 1999:

Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, two members of the TCM (Trench Coat Mafia) at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado felt so outcast and harassed that they needed to shoot their tormenters. This, according to the media, is labeled a 'hate crime'. I guess the media is sending a message that it's okee dokee for kids to harass others, but it's a 'hate crime' to hate people for doing that to you.

The Trench Coat Mafia was just a bunch of students who wore trench coats to school. And, as usual, whenever there's a group of people that doesn't fit in with what society considers to be 'normal', that is, a good little biological robot marching in perfect lock-step, acting the same as everybody else, a name is put on them by other people. In this case, a jock, in 1998. They had a right not to have to conform to what other students thought of as normal. Or at least I think so. Of what use is a robot, or somebody who thinks, dresses, acts and talks exactly like everybody else? Just another cog in the machine, not an individual. If you eliminate all the people in your society who are different, you're going to be getting rid of most if not all artists, writers, fashion designers, or anybody else who thinks differently from the social norm. If you succeed, in time, everybody will be wearing the same clothes, there won't be any new TV shows or movies, nor artwork or anything creative.

The members of the Trench Coat Mafia weren't racist, nor were they into Nazism.

These students put up with years of abuse and harassment by fellow students. In the begining, it was mostly the jocks, but more of the students joined in the harassment. They had drinks poured on them, were called names, among them words intentionally hurtful like the slang name for a gay person, that starts with an F which I won't repeat here. The football players did body blocks on them, shoving them hard into lockers. They also had rocks, bottles, and cans and cups filled with soda pop thrown at them from the jocks who drove by in cars as they tried to ride home on their bicycles. The jocks also hit them with their cars while they were riding their bicycles.

In the cafeteria, they'd throw food at them.

One of them described it as being "Pure hell."

An actual quote by a 255 pound football player at the school:

“Columbine is a clean, good, place except for those rejects.” He added, “Sure we teased them. But what do you expect with kids who come to school with weird hairdos and horns on their hats? It’s not just the jocks; the whole school’s disgusted with them. If you want to get rid of someone, usually you tease ‘em. So the whole school would call them homos.’”

Gee, intolerance seems to be the norm at a lot of these schools, and is still going strong even after the shootings. Guess they didn't learn, and probably never will. What? You have a different haircut and you wear a hat that's different and the other students have a right to attack you?

This kind of thing happened a lot in front of teachers and students, but nobody did anything to stop it.

Most adults wouldn't put up with this kind of treatement, but this was done to children. Children who had enough problems trying to grow up in this cruel and sadistic world and trying to get an education without the added agravation of harassment, bullying, bodily harm, and possible death. And they wonder why children don't learn in school. Maybe they're more concerned with surviving another day than school work? When you're in survival mode almost every hour of every day at a school, math and all that other stuff doesn't matter. Making it through another day is all that matters. But, of course, the schools, parents, and teachers don't really care.

Then, of course, something snapped, and the events of April 20th, 1999 happened.

Okay, I realize that the news stories are just a little slanted, but this is open manipulation: They've published a video tape showing footage of the after-effects of the Columbine shootings, and with kids running out of the school, crying, all complete with emotionally manipulative music to control your emotional response. What's the deal? Are people really sheep? They like being led? Maybe we should just call them all sheeple, and be done with it.

It seems odd, really, that all the video tapes that were done by the two guys involved before the shootings telling why they were so upset isn't published, but the emotionally manipulative stuff is...

They should've put what they wanted to say on the Web, or made .avi files using a hidden video camera, possibly of kids teasing and bullying them, then shared it with others through file-sharing programs.

And what about Daniel Rohrbough? Was he shot and killed by Jefferson County sheriff's deputies as some claim? His parents say that he couldn't have been shot by Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris in the chest and gut because witnesses saw him running away from them. There seems to be a lot that's not being told...

For those thinking there was a third student shooting people, there wasn't. Eric Harris took off his duster after shooting a few rounds. Then continued wearing his white T-shirt. He even stopped for a few seconds to drink something in the cafeteria. Dylan Klebold took off his own duster in the school library. He wore a black T-shirt underneath his duster.

Btw, for any reporters reading this, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris weren't wearing real trench coats. They wore dusters. Try getting the facts straight, for just once.

And yes, I've heard about the Nazi stuff in some diary the cops 'confiscated'. Odd how things that are taken by some people the stuff is considered to be stolen, but when it's done by another group of people, it's called 'confiscating'...

More than likely, Dylan and Eric wanted to shock anybody reading it. Their actions prove that they weren't racist. You'll note that only two minorities were killed during the shootings, and I think at least one of them was a jock. That should tell you who their real targets were. Judge people by what they do, not by what they say. What people say in public or what they've written in diaries where they think snoopy people will read them shouldn't be taken for their true self. Otherwise, you'd have to believe everything a politician says. Frankly, I'm not that gullible.

Let's put it this way: Who would you consider to be more intolerant of somebody who was different from them either by the way they dress, or the color of their skin? A group of people who like being different, or jocks who openly admit they harassed them merely because they had different style of haircuts and wore different kinds of hats from them?

After Columbine, the students who were in the Trench Coat Mafia were silent, not wanting to tell their side of the story for fear of being attacked, again. Not only fearing for themselves, but for their families.

In August of 1999, the school district decided to start an anti-bullying program. Many people think that it's because it took the Columbine shootings to convince them that something was wrong. But I think it's because they wanted to make themselves look better in the public eye. Otherwise, they would've done something a lot sooner, knowing that this level of harassment was going on. But personally, I think it's just PR. The kids will act politically correct while in view of any teachers that they don't think they can get away with anything in front of, but once out of their view, they'll revert to their usual intolerant and sadistic ways, especially for anybody that's even slightly different from them. The quote by the football player above tells the real story. This is the way humans are.

What people have to realize someday is that they need to treat others as they themselves want to be treated. Not alienated, or made to feel like an outcast. Not ridiculed, not attacked. Nor assaulted with soda pop, rocks, bottles, or cars. Otherwise, those they hurt will hate them for it. Some will want hurt.

One of the final insults to Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold came when some guy destroyed the crosses that were left in memorial of their deaths, but left the remaining 13 alone. Even in death, they're made to feel as outcasts. :-(

Humans will never learn.

off to see "Goblet"

Been reading a few articles on CrimeLibrary.Com and gotten a bit (an understatement) shaken. Plunging into the "depths" of human "bestiality" or "evil" (how else would you call it?)...OUGHT to leave a "sane" person shaken - hey, I know my thought patterns are a bit abnormal at times, but I consider myself not "that" far out, although it's "interesting" -read: scary- to find that "some" of parts of the killers/murderers echo part(s) of myself -or of any other human being come think of it. But reading at CrimeLibrary & other similar sites helps one come to terms with their darker sides (you always know where/when to draw the line). Always hold on to the anchor of "compassion" (even if you think of letting go of it at times - because anything will seem "alright" when that anchor slips - believe me).

Besides there are "other" ways of "channeling" - no, not bottling it all up or even recognizing it, actions like that will lead to more disastrous results - aggression & violence than taking out your enemies or most probably some random person beside you (although there really were times when it's all very tempting). I for one wouldn't say I haven't got a "violent streak", but instead of beating those I despise to death, I resort to drawing (thank the Maker for my talents), sure my drawings (with the exception of portraits) tend to "emulate" violence and angst (I'm a fan of Silent Hill, DOOM, Resident Evil, Hellsing, Sin City, Kill Bill, Stephen King, Full Metal Jacket and Natural Born Killers as much as I am of Lord of the Rings, the Harry Potter Series, Narnia and the NeverEnding Story) but that's just about it.

In the end there's always a huge difference between "thinking" and "doing".You may have fantasized about ripping off someone's head your whole life, but CHOOSING not to implement that fantasy is always the hallmark of a human being and what separates you from Ted Bundy or Joel Rifkin or Jeffrey Dahmer. Of course, I still believe "some" people (about 1% of the population) are "just wired wrong" (how else would you explain the "Poisoner of London", who started his murderous career at 7 or 8 years old? Or how about Mary Bell who started at 10?)

Where's Dumbledore when I need him?? :)

Anyway! Anyway! Enough of that! Never meant for this post to be THIS long. Got a bit carried away. Sorry! :)

I'm off to seeing "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" tomorrow. "Chronicles of Narnia" not being far behind. I'm writing a review if I can manage. :) Have a nice weekend, everyone!

Out of the Shadowlands and into the "Palace"

My "story" made it to "Raven Days" (under the title: "A Tale From the Shadowlands"). It's a place for a bunch of people like me. Thanks to Ms. Meridith Dixon for taking time. It's nice to know there are "lots" out there who share similar experience(s) and that most, if not all, are moving on with their lives. I've also been reading a couple of articles written by Mr. John Katz from Slashdot (I especially liked "Voices from the Hellmouth" and "The Price of Being Different"). As it has become very annoying to be repeatedly told - both directly and indirectly - that you have "some kind of a problem", when you "know" that is not the case (if anything, they are the ones who seem to have a problem).

Actually, I have another one of those "headaches". We had marketing today and while the people I'm with were a bunch of "laughs" (they loved making jokes and it was really fun), the whole "ride" was dizzying and it made me feel like throwing up. And right now, it's as if my brain had been shunted from side to side. What I want is to go to sleep and never wake up again - ah, I take that back - I wish to wake up a thousand years from now (can you say "Rip Van Winkle"?)

Heh. On a less "depressive" subject. I never thought I'd "follow" a Korean drama. But lately, I was taken to watching "Dae Jang Geum" (The Great Jang Geum/Jewel In the Palace). At least, it has some historical authenticity, and the main protagonist is not annoying, in fact she is very intelligent/creative (and her overall personality is quite "winsome"; very modest and nothing "too" perky, she seems to be a more pleasant version of Jane Eyre + I really like Jeong-ho Min -the "captain-guy"-...boohoo!). I especially liked the way the "Art of Cooking" was presented (although I tend to go scrounging for food everytime I watch this show, as the cuisine is literally mouth-watering ^.^) Oh, and the customs and costumes were nothing short of fascinating. Starts off pretty late, but I'm thinking of getting fan-subs. Now I'm really mad! :p

Back to a more serious topic:

I am on the brink...
on the edge...of a gaping (yawning) abyss. I am about to make an "earth-shaking" and "life-changing" decision (those are bits of exaggeration, mind you). I've done a lot of contemplation lately. I've been "plagued" with "signs" and "portents" and I believe it is time to act upon them. A conclusion regarding "the matter" is nearly made. A bit more introspection and I'll see "tobira no mokou e." :)

....

Come with me in the twilight of a summer night for a while
Tell me of a story never ever told in the past

Take me back to the land
Where my yearnings were born
The key to open the door is in your hand
Now fly me there

Fanatics find their heaven in never ending storming wind
Auguries of destruction be a lullaby for rebirth

Consolations, be there
In my dreamland to come
The key to open the door is in your hand
Now take me there

I believe in fantasies invisible to me
In the land of misery I'm searchin' for the sign
To the door of mystery and dignity
I'm wandering down, and searchin' down the secret sun
Come with me in the twilight of a summer night for awhile
Tell me of a story never ever told in the past

Take me back to the land
Where my yearnings were born
The key to open the door is in your hand
Now take me there
To the land of twilight

Note: Another nice song I've "discovered". My brother lent me a copy of .hack//SIGN" I think it's a good show, and I like the main protagonist, Tsukasa. His/Her - as he is a girl in the real world, only her "in-game" character is a guy - struggles I can relate to. And her/his attitude is somewhat similar to mine - a real introvert. ;pI still don't know who the singer is, but she sounds a lot like Enya and Loreena McKenitt.

"The Forgotten"

"Are you asocial or do you just enjoy living in the Antarctic?"
(both I think)

Now I know how Cloud Strife and Squall Leonhart feels!
*sigh*
I received a text message from my friend "Miriam", just this morning. She basically said, "Hello. Have you forgotten me?"Jesus-bleedin'-Christ! First it's my brother, who practically accused me of "ignoring", "forgetting" and "taking him for granted", because according to what my mother said (apparently, he unloaded his woes on her) I don't talk to him much (come to think of it I haven't spoken to him for weeks - and I'm not even mad or anything, I just "forgot" to speak to him) or that I come and leave the house without so much as "acknowledging" him. Right. People can be so hard to understand sometimes. I thought it was perfectly ok with him, turns out I was wrong.

I mean, he of all people should know me! I'm not exactly the "cuddly-bear" type. I don't "shower" affection to anybody (at least not "that" obviously). And yes, I don't speak that much (even at home). Touching and hugging is something that is very irksome/bothersome to me (I like to hug and be hugged sometimes, but ONLY in my own terms). Guess that makes me abnormal now, does it??! Grr! >.<

I have explained the matter several times before! It's not that I do not care for my brother (I buy him things -CDs & drawing materials- even if there is no occasion) or my friends or my family. It's a matter of personality. I happen to have a rich inner life which sustains me. And I guess the reason for the "distance" is that I often get "overwhelmed" when interacting with people (imagine opening a loaded furnace and having the fire full blast on your face!) I get "tired" (even if the conversation is intellectually stimulating). It's that simple! Why do you think I hate crowds, parties, meetings? Have you had that impression of "drowning"? It's like standing outside, naked, in the middle of a hurricane! Can you picture that?? Can you?? I can't stand the noise (it's like loud, "rythm-less" static), swirling about in colourless clouds, the smell (oh, yes, the smell is "overpowering", not exactly repugnant, but the smell of the "collective" is sometimes enough to make someone faint! and I'm NOT exaggerating!!)

Hmm...you know what? My vision of "peace" had always been this: Standing in the middle of a wheat/flower field, with the sun setting, my arms embracing the vastness of the sky,nothing but the sound of birds and animals and the wind on my face. Ala "Gladiator", when Maximus goes to the Elysian Fields. That is the reason why Gandalf's words (about "death") on "The Return of the King" had such an impact on me: "....and the grey rain curtain of this world rolls back, and all will turn to silver-glass....and then you see it...White shores... and beyond. The far green country under a swift sunrise. "

And now, "Miriam" thinks I've forgotten her (*sigh* - If I could only resort to mental telepathy!) Well, I sure did forget her birthday (my mistake, I admit). I honestly didn't think it would matter (I for one, couldn't care less if my parents & friends forgot my birthday, I mean, who cares?? It's just a "date"! Jesus Christ!) This is the Nth time I've been accused of "coldness" and "thoughtlessness". I'm almost used to it! I have a, shall we say, "low" need for human interaction...but does that equate to "coldness"?!?! Really!

*sigh* But wait, there are people I consider part of my "Ka-tet", we have this "connectedness" that has nothing to do words or "cuddlyness" or all that "superficial caring" sh*t. We have been friends for 6 years now, the three of us. We have basically the same "inclination", but not the "personality". I remember, we once had a little "misunderstanding", which led to us not speaking to one another for a considerable length of time. But one day, we decided to just "talk". No "I'm so sorry." yadda...yadda. We never mentioned the incident again, and resumed our friendship. We still have little disagreements over matters but that can be solved with our combined efforts.

And the best thing about this friendship is that we never "require" one another to text, say "gushy words" (we'd jump off a cliff before we do - of course we counsel each other when we have problems, but we have an entirely different approach!) or even meet regularly (what would you expect, we love gallows humour, that sort of thing). There are periods when we won't see each other for months, but when we do meet again, the "connection" is still there, never broken by time, it's as if we just saw one another yesterday! Isn't that the most wonderful thing??

Finally, a quote from a website about introverts:
"It is very difficult for an extravert to understand an introvert. Therefore the extravert may see the introverted person as someone with a problem, not as simply someone with a different personality type. This may lead to attempts to get them to be 'friendlier,' to work in larger groups, to talk more often and more spontaneously, and to be more outgoing and interactive. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. It does not need to be cured. It simply needs to be understood and accepted."