+ Fringe-life Chronicles+

Will no longer update this site....

2007-02-03T20:36:00.000-08:00

new blog address: Life in a Galaxy Far, Far Away...beautiful...but sad..from a certain point of view...see you there!!

Ever the Same

2007-01-29T02:24:00.000-08:00

just remembered my best friend(s) today. i guess this could be our theme-song. its a little "mushy" but i like it. ;p sung by Rob Thomas.

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you so we both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you so we both fall down

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

The Chosen One & The People's Princess

2007-01-23T02:16:00.000-08:00

Anakin Skywalker - A Portrait by ~leiaskywalker83 on deviant ART

There you go, for January. Anakin Skywalker.
second coloured work.

original title:
Anakin Skywalker : At one with the Force

coloured pencils. decided to make it look like as though he is fading.

Diana - The People's Princess by ~leiaskywalker83 on deviant ART

lady diana frances spencer
1961 - 1997

coloured pencils. different style. i actually loved this one more than the more er..."organized" anakin piece (although i like that one tremendously). shows more "personality" and "motion".

and...a little bit. been reading about how kate middleton is the next diana (er...no i dont think so, no one is the next diana. period. kate does not have diana's charisma, in my opinion.)

well...havent updated for a while.

01.03.06

2007-01-03T07:19:00.000-08:00

Another photoshop-ic creation. my star wars obssesion is in full swing again. :D

new minitokyo.net layout and stuff

2006-12-20T12:27:00.000-08:00

ah..decided a bit of editing on my minitokyo account. i get lazy with coding sometimes but here you go.visit my account at: http://asyangtagabundok.minitokyo.net
its actually a repository of my old anime drawings...nyahaha..done ages ago. havent done anything new lately (as im concentrating on portraiture)...but im doing a relena peacecraft drawing currently (cinq kingdom clothes of course).

never you mind that i went overboard and did "I support" banners...hehehe...some little whim of mine. also changed the heading to FMA banner (more suitable than claricexhannibal).

im also working on other layouts for websites im planning to publish in the future. im getting the hang of it again... ^___^ ill try to insert flash animations here and there like i did before..

amidala

2006-12-19T05:48:00.000-08:00

amidala by ~leiaskywalker83-2 on deviant ART

another creation. just wanted to illustrate several points in her life.

"In Disillusionment and Despair"

2006-12-10T03:41:00.000-08:00

My first coloured in a long time. Julianne Moore (one of my favourite actresses, I think she's talented and beautiful too, not "girly" beautiful but more like "Warrior Princess" beautiful) as Clarice Starling. Not Done yet. But...Im quite proud of it, I think I captured Starling's personality in "Hannibal" Era. No longer the naive, young trainee. But a seasoned FBI Agent (if a bit disillusioned).

As of the moment, im moving in to coloured stuff. But they wont be "that" photorealistic anymore, as I have no wish to become a human photocopier. That is NOT the point of a portrait. I'll go for slightly realistic but with more "emotion" in it.

Not done yet, though. The paper was a bit thin and all. This is more like a "study" in preparation for other coloured portraits.
I used coloured pencils here.

For the rest of my stuff please check: http://leiaskywalker83.deviantart.com

Anyway, Agent Clarice Starling remains one my most favourite characters (Padme Amidala, Leia Organa & Eowyn of Rohan follow). The truth is I am pretty much disillusioned with my own life. All the things I wanted to do. It appears as though I keep hitting a glass ceiling.And nothing of import seems to be happening. Im just a drone, breathing but not living. Better if Dementors sucked my soul. Ive just read this fabulous article comparing Clarice with Mina (Harker) and how "Hannibal" is the modern "Dracula". I think the author was absolutely right.

another photoshoppic creation

2006-12-02T23:08:00.000-08:00

Harry Potter GOF Wallpaper by ~leiaskywalker83-2 on deviant ART

The Soldier and the Pacifist

2006-11-27T03:50:00.000-08:00

le soldat et le pacifiste by ~leiaskywalker83-2 on deviant ART

peaceful words by ~leiaskywalker83-2 on deviant ART

hehehe...heero et relena. never mind the fancy french title. still my favourite. i have a vague idea why.first anime wallpaper id done in years.

The Scientist

2006-11-20T18:19:00.000-08:00

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

just some stuff

2006-11-19T02:34:00.000-08:00

Hillary Rodham Clinton sketch by ~leiaskywalker83 on deviant ART

Mary Jensen Rough Sketch by ~leiaskywalker83 on deviant ART

...flows forever...

2006-11-14T00:03:00.000-08:00

River Phoenix - Stand By Me by ~leiaskywalker83 on deviant ART

my latest drawing obviously.
"I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up!" - Stand by Me (1986)

...stop crying your heart out...

2006-11-06T20:44:00.001-08:00

Hold up... hold on... don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile... Shine on... Don't be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm.

'Cause all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up... Come on... why you scared
You'll never change what been and gone

...higher than reason...

2006-10-31T03:39:00.000-08:00

The shrine is located
in the front room of the house.
For some unknown reason
it’s been neglected for too long.
You claim it’s not a problem,
but I take it all so hard.
So when is it a problem
if you push it all so far?

Higher than reason
higher than reason
is nowhere.
Higher than reason
higher than reason
is nowhere.

My soul is defended
by the will to stay alive.
For some unknown reason
I can’t keep that will for long.
It all needs rebuilding.
And my hands are scratched and scarred.
So when is it a problem
if I take it all so hard?

Higher than reason
higher than reason
is nowhere.
Higher than reason
is no reason
is nowhere.
Higher than reason
higher than reason
is nowhere.

If you lived here in my place,
would you eat off my plate?
Or throw it aside,
and curse your ugly fate?

Higher than reason
higher than reason
is nowhere.
Higher than reason
higher than reason
is nowhere.
Higher than reason
higher than reason
is nowhere.

remember remember...

2006-10-28T04:51:00.000-07:00

...the fifth of november.

new V for Vendetta wallpaper I made.

v 4 vendetta wallpaper by ~leiaskywalker83-2 on deviant ART

In for a long vacation. No work on Nov. 1. yey!

10.24.06 - new montage

2006-10-24T04:58:00.000-07:00

Connection was sort of F*cked this morning so I did this one.;p

Harry Potter Trinity2 by ~leiaskywalker83-2 on deviant ART

Mine eyes are hurting due to a lengthy post at http://www.takethislife.com. My God I haven't written anything as long as that in a while. ')

daily blurbs 22.10.06

2006-10-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

PersonalWeb - EowynFaramir by ~leiaskywalker83-2 on deviant ART
New Layout for My Personal Site (still experimental) Feat. Eowyn and Faramir from LotR.

I found Jessica Zafra's Blog

Finally...well, I wasn't really looking for it (actively looking I mean). Just a had a brief mental "storm" (seizure) and Googled "Jessica Zafra". And voila....there her blog is. Actually it's more like blogs (http://twistedbyjessicazafra.blogspot.com - she doesn't update this one anymore, she has since moved to: http://jessicarulestheuniverse.com - a very telling title.)

Always enjoyed reading her articles, they tend to be funny, ironic and (seems) makes sense (most of the time anyway). ;)

I found a new River Phoenix picture

Isn't it unhealthy to be obssessed (translates to merely interested) with a dead guy? But I am about to make a portrait of him. Yep. Will start it when I go home next, next week (salary week). Again, isn't that unhealthy? But then...I've always been a bit on the ET side.

I started new drawings

Started was the word.
1. Isolde - played by Sophia Myles. eherm. I got the likeness spot on and everything. But I'm still wondering when I'll finish it.
2. Wolverine - whatever happened to "I intend to finish it by October." Hahaha. I haven't got even 3/4s of it done!
3. Mary Jensen (from Kingdom Hospital) - See picture below. I'm using my "lazy-ass style" for this one. I think it's more suited to the "mood" of the picture (whatever that statement might mean). ;p

....i worry about you...while you're gone....

2006-10-18T13:14:00.000-07:00

Listening to: "Waiting for You" - Mary Elizabeth McGlynn
(Silent Hill OST)

Just finished watching Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital DVD. I thought it was pretty good. Certainly weird, but in a good way.

The Cast of Characters
Most favourite character was Dr. Hook and of course Mary Jensen and Antubis/Anubis.
The opening song got stuck in my head as well...."Bye bye Baby, don't be long. I worry about you while you're gone."

Another depressive episode just passed me by. Gone by tonight, thank the Maker. I'm going home tomorrow.

Keep your friends close....and there was a Hurricane...storm...whatever...

2006-10-08T02:21:00.000-07:00

Harry Potter Trinity by ~leiaskywalker83 on deviant ART

Well. The Trio (as they appear on the 4th movie). Harry. Ron. Hermione. Can't get enough of them. Can't wait for the 5th film.

Last Seen: "Cinderella Man"
Reading: "Angela's Ashes" by Frank McCourt

There was a storm last, last thursday (no I won't be bothered with dates). Wasn't able to come home and all...

Jedidawn Version 4.0 second theme

2006-10-04T14:46:00.000-07:00

Jedidawn Version 4.0-2 WIP by ~leiaskywalker83-2 on deviant ART

Still underconstruction.

JediDawn Version 4.0

2006-09-26T04:52:00.000-07:00

JediDawn Version 4.0 by ~leiaskywalker83-2 on deviant ART

Would-be layout of Jedidawn. Hope I can stick around long enough to finish. :p Just a bit put out...wait...I've written this somewhere else...can't remember...

For the concept...most of it was pretty accidental. I make as I go...Actually this was supposed to be wallpaper. But then I decided to go ahead and make it an Interface anyway. The Padme and Leia concept was pretty nice IMHO. As an added touch I put Padme's words : "Be good little Senators. Mind your manners and keep your heads down. And keep doing… all those things we can't talk about. All those things I can't know. Promise me, Bail." But clipped some of it.

Attempt @ Photoshop-ing after so long...

2006-09-25T04:23:00.000-07:00

Listening to: "Colder" by Charon

Star Wars Wallpaper by ~leiaskywalker83-2 on deviant ART

Yey! What you see above is the result of my first attempt at making a wallpaper after 6 months or so. Used to waste my time making things like that when I still work at MSC (that was back in San Pablo).I forgot some techniques but thankfully, everything seems to be coming back gradually (I'm semi-satisfied with this one). I'm thinking of making another site layout or something. I'm still thinking of the concept though. ;D I plan to make more of these if I have time. But then...

Discovered another song today. I thought it was pretty neat. Shall I share it to you then?

Colder

[music: Charon, lyrics: J-P Leppäluoto]

Come along with the whispering cold and fall
They left you nothing more to seek from here
So roll the feast in flames unforgettable
Take a bow to end, reload your remorse
Every line is thorn bite through your eyes

Still remains the everlasting hope for a bitter war
If it has made you colder turning your life for justice
They have learned to obey
Broken the rules I followed, burning for name so hollow
I will learn to obey

Among the weak and heartless I can breath the air veiled just like them

Still remains the everlasting hope for a bitter war
If it has made you colder turning your life for justice
They have learned to obey

If it has made you colder
They have learned to obey
Broken the rules I followed
I will learn to obey

I Still Know What I Did These Past Two Days

2006-09-22T20:36:00.000-07:00

Last Movie(s) Seen: The Interpreter; Flight Plan; Blue Moon
Book of the Moment: "Four Past Midnight" by Stephen King (and I thought I promised to lay off him for a while ;p)
Listening To: "Feel Your Breeze" by V6

Ok...back from my day off (two days - thursday and friday). Spent most of my thursday SLEEPING. Can you believe that?? After I got home I went straight to the...um...I don't really know if it's er...safe to say this...to the...BATHROOM. Had a bad case of stomach upset (and that's putting it lightly!) Thank the Force I did not...you know..at the bus. Geez!

So...AFTER that. I went to the "town proper" to get a few things done. First stop Video City (it's been kind of a routine, I rent three films - one "serious", one "thriller" and one "tagalog" - for my mum), where I got the the films mentioned above. Then I'm off to buy viand (as in "ulam") and have another CD written (finally I have my own copy of "How to Save a LIfe" by The Fray, ain't that great?) and back home again. Come evening I watched "Blue Moon" with mum. Quite a decent story (a Palanca-winning script after all), the ending and all this "Corazon-business" really threw us off as in "ganon pala yun!". Then there's "Flightplan" - a bit boredom-sleep inducing, and the protagonist gets a bit annoying at times (although that's quite understandable as she lost her daughter and all...Jodie Foster is still at her best and I think I've fallen in-love with Sean Bean's Captain character, next time I fly I want captains like this one - I'd really feel safe). I tried to watch "The Interpreter" too, but come on! it's 01:00 in the morning. I need my sleep so...I'd pass it for...

Friday Listened to my new CD (and imagined all sorts of MTVs). My cousin grace came along with my nephew (really cute kid he is). Watched "The Interpreter" (two times actually - once in the morning and once in the evening) and loved it tremendously....great story (although not without a few plot holes), great characters (and a few no-so-great). Nicole Kidman (hey...just noticed I've been watching a lot of Kidman flicks...though that is not intentional...I swear!) and Sean Penn did justice to their respective roles. Started a new drawing - Wolverine Last Stand - which I intend to finish this coming October. I'm getting lazy with these things lately - look at Anakin/Vader. Anyway, just to have something for the month of September, I'll make do with "The Potter Trio". I'll finish it next week and have it scanned! That thing's been rotting on my cabinet anyhow...I started it last July and what date it is now??? I'll DEFINITELY submit it! FAITO-0!!!

I also made a couple of "Get-Lists".

I say...Feel Your Breeze....

2006-09-20T07:39:00.000-07:00

FIGHT! OH!
Well, I'm nightshift today. I spent the rest of my day watching...what else? Gokusen Live Action. I bought the DVD (I guess the Japanese original was way better. GMA7 mutilated the show). I wasn't able to finish all the episodes (got as far as um...episode 10 - I'll finish it next week probably, mine eyes are already watering, been watching since 10:00 in the morning and I stopped at what...7:00 in the evening...can you say addicted). I can't even begin to say how much I like (no LOVE) the series. It's definitely dramatic (without being too blatant). I particularly like the character of Kumiko "Yankumi" Yamaguchi (I even have her pic as my avatar---what does that tell you?) We share a some characteristics (being a Geekette for instance). I also love the tension and friendship (perhaps something more??) between her and Shin Sawada.Wahaha! I suppose I'm too old for this. :D But I'm a Shin-Kumi fan! Can you believe that?

But seriously, I love the series for it's wonderful characters, story (humourous, tear-inducing, action scenes abound...weheheh) and values. Yep! Yankumi does impart values to her students and vice versa. I particularly like the episode in which they (that it to say Yankumi, Sawada, Uchi, Kumai & Minami) confront a teacher from another school (a more prestigious one) to prove Uchi's innocence (he got framed for shop-lifting). I love her "speech" there. Saying that you won't be able to know a person just by looking at him. Appearance is not a guarantee for behaviour (good or otherwise).

Another one is the "basketball-bully" episode. It gave us a glimpse of the young Yankumi, going home with scratches and minor injuries as a result of being bullied. It hit home because yours truly has been bullied (sort of) during my school days (kids can really be mean, although that is NOT an excuse to just pick on someone because he/she is different or "weaker" than yourself...I've said this too many times before). But the real catch in this episode is standing up for yourself when no one else would do it for you. I'm not sure I've been able to do that during my "target" days, but I believe that is how I should have handled it (but at least I got the "pick yourself up and move on" thing. I'm still alive thankfully).

*sigh* I sure am getting talkative eh?

That "Yuta" episode got me too. Especially the part when Yankumi found Yuta in the park (he was trying to master twirling on the sort of barrass believing he can finally see his mom when he does). Truly heartbreaking.

Ok have to go. Practice exercises on the tall order. ;D

2:30 PM - Ok back again. Just finished the practice exercises. :D It's work related if you must know. AHA (semi-loose) style pencils. Ah....lost my train of thought regarding Gokusen. Oh well. :D

What else? I'm really hungry. It's 3:46 am. haven't eaten anything since 10:00 pm. Have to dash to the nearest 7-11.

So uncivilized.... Some people just don't have the manners. Tsk. tsk. What would Obi-Wan say. Speaking of Obi-wan, I'm starting to appreciate him more and more...love his wry humour.

Turning over a new leaf...

2006-09-19T06:19:00.001-07:00

Playing: "How to Save a Life" by The Fray

Greta Garbo Vintage by ~leiaskywalker83 on deviant ART

Well, this would be my first entry after a long, long time. I haven't got time to write anything these past few months. Been busy. Busy applying for jobs, drawing, bumming around, sleeping (yep! an age old hobby of mine). Finally, after resigning from Teleperformance (call center job), applying to several more call centers (i never seem to learn, do i?) - E-performax Makati and Convergys Alabang - I found a rather more suitable job for me. I am now a Penciller. Currently working on IAS Makati.

Bit ok. Gettting a bit depressed at times - normal in my case - finished a couple of drawings. *twinge of annoyance* Anyway, not much news about me. Arrgh! It's a bit weird, there are so many things I'd like to say, but now, facing the PC, I seem to have been "mental-blocked". wahahaha! ;p

Speaking of my new job, well, besides the fact that it is in line with my talents, it also pays rather well, great actually. Hope to hold on to this one for as long as I can. Although I'm planning to apply in Japan as a Caregiver. I'll get my passport ready this month. ;)

I really want to re-design this Blog, however I don't have that much time. Wanted it to have it's own design and such. But anyway.

Day Offs

Mostly on day offs I try to go home (ahhh, I've never truly appreciated our town until I came to live here in Makati). Bum around, watch movies, drawing etc.

Ten Years From Now

I asked my friends "How do you see yourself 10 years from now?" Apparently we all came up with the same answer...."I don't know". Why is that? Whenever I try to visualize myself 10 years into the future...I come up short. It's like hitting a rather foggy wall. One thing is for sure I don't expect to live that long.

Back on Earth

Bought a couple of books, I now have my own copy of HP 6. Plus American Gods, Four Past Midnight, The Remains of the Day (loved this one, The Hours (yep finally) and Lost in a Good Book (w/c I haven't read yet).

Watched a couple of movies during free time. The last one(s) being "Tristan and Isolde", which left quite an impression upon yours truly and the generally bland "Skeleton Key" (I already know how the story turns out before hand, so no surprises there).

On my 2nd re-read of HBP (can't seem to get enough of it)! What else? Tomorrow I'm on nightshift -wohooooo...scary. Then I get to go home! yey! I seem to see myself in Harry Potter...is that weird or what??

I'm OUT of cash...SHIT! this is a HUGE problem! tsk! tsk!

Selene - Underworld 2 by ~leiaskywalker83 on deviant ART

X-Men The Last Stand and the split personality case

2006-06-20T23:06:00.000-07:00

Just saw X-Men 3. Albeit the P-Edition. Loved it to the max. Especially Jean Grey/Dark Phoenix. She's my most favorite character. I'm working on a Jean Grey/Dark Phoenix portrait, too! Most memorable quote for me was:

Professor X: "We are mutants Jean. We are like you."
(young) Jean Grey: "Really? I doubt that."

I really liked that "split-persona" thing.
In fact I like a lot of characters with split/hidden personas. tee-hee. Especially those people with a quiet/controlled apprearance (like Jean Grey) but having highly destructive alternate personalities (..."all joy and desire...and rage" - charles xavier). Reminds me of...myself?? (wag naman sana!)

Ba't ko nasabi? Kasi pag nagagalit ako (iba yun sa mood swings o inis lang ha! - baka nga yung mood swings eh sign na rin according to psychologists - that is - as in cold, hard anger), parang hindi ko talaga sya na-icoclose, parang tumatago lang...eh san yun napunta??

Actively working on Greta Garbo and the HP Trio (harry, ron, hermione). Greta Garbo will have my usual style, but the HP trio has a shall we say, sketchy style.

Work(s) In Progress:
- Jean Grey/Dark Phoenix
- Greta Garbo
- Harry Potter Trio

- Ripley & Jonesey (Aliens)
- Marv (Sin City)
- Lestat de Lioncourt (Interview with the Vampire)
- Dakota Fanning
- Lara Croft

Kill. Do not Kill.

2006-02-25T21:59:00.001-08:00

Almost a month know since my new job.
Ano ba to?? Makapagtagalog na nga. Sa trabaho nga puro ingles na eh!

Et na naman po ako. Nakikipagbangasan sa mga customers. Ewan ko ba at sa customer service ako napapunta eh allergic nga ako sa mga tao! pag minamalas nga naman! pero malaki naman ang sweldo, di na bale.

I've been taking calls for almost a week (four hours). Like 35 calls a day's the average. Mas madugo next week, 6 hours of calls. Pero mas madugo sa trabahong totoo, 8 hours. Pero maganda nyan sweldo na next friday! yeepee! mabibili ko na yung "The Hours" by Michael Cunningham.

Had great customers though, I've got two who congratulated me (one even called me "dear") , as far as I can remember. Di naman sa pagyayabang ano, I got an award of sorts after product training, tapos napuri pa ko ng Supervisor ko sa Learning Lab (un ung mga live calls ang tinatanggap namin)...kasi konti lang nalimutan ko sa call flow etc, tapos mga 7mins lang yung AHT ko (average handling time) ko. Nagtatagal lang naman kasi sa bill lang.

Meron namang tanong ng tanong kung para saan yung mga charges sa bill nya (pero may kopya naman sya), samantalang may detailed breakdown dun sa baba...ingles naman yung bill (at amerikano sila), di bale sana kung arabic o nihonggo or worse cyrilic yung bill!
Our trainor told us once, "even though they're americans they don't understand english!"

Should have told them to use smoke signals or flaming arrows instead! Wag na sila magtelepono, para walang bill.

May mga sobrang bait (nakakataba ng puso), subali't nandiyan din ang mga may katok sa ulo (nakakulo ng dugo). So everytime an irate/stupid customer makes a call, two choices automatically pop-up (very much like an RPG choice box)..."Kill." "Do Not Kill" and most of the time I'm inclined to choose "kill".

"Quasimodo"

2006-01-11T17:47:00.000-08:00

by LifeHouse

you could be right and I'll be real
'cause I don't need your approval to find my worth
I've been trapped inside of my own mind
afraid to open my eyes to what I'd find
and I don't want to live like this anymore
there goes my pain, there goes my chains
did you see them fall, there goes this feeling
that has no meaning, there goes the world
off of my shoulders, there goes the world
off of my back, there it goes
does it scare you that I can be something different than you
would it make you feel more comfortable if I wasn't
you can't control me and you can't take away from me who I am
have you ever felt that your only comfort was your cage
you're not alone I have felt the same as you
have you ever felt like your secrets give you away
you're not alone I have been there, too
everyone is looking and everybody is laughing
but I think every one feels the same
everybody wants to feel okay, everybody wants to
everybodywants to feel 'cause you can't change me you can't break me
there goes the world, off of my shoulders
there goes the world, off of my back
'cause I don't want it.

Might be my last entry in a long while. ;p

Wake Me Up When September Ends

2006-01-04T17:44:00.000-08:00

Green Day

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my fathers come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends

Suffering again from "Randal Graves Syndrome"

2006-01-04T01:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, my dear friends. The "Randal Graves Syndrome" has struck again. I must be crazy to be doing all the things I'm doing right at this very moment.It gets worse in fact. I mean, if ever there was a right time to utter words like "the hell", this is probably it...the HELL!!!

What in the name of the Force am I doing??! I can now hear someone saying, "You need to go home and re-think your life." What an awful waste the whole thing is. And yet...oh wtf??!
I'm starting to speak like a fifteen year old again.hehe. no offense to fifteen year olds everywhere.

By the way... my newest creation. Dwayne Hicks (United States Colonial Marines) from the the movie Aliens. Full view at: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/27225456/ . My most detailed so far.

Dwayne Hicks - Aliens by ~leiaskywalker83 on deviant ART

I also paid those books I ordered at Ebay. Dark Tower I: The Gunslinger & Mona Lisa Smile. I hope to receive them tomorrow or the next day. There's an awful lot of pressure on me now. Got to implement my plans sooner or later.

...

2005-12-27T19:27:00.000-08:00

One of the most well-composed trailers I've seen in a long time (not counting LotR: Return of the King and Two Towers). Plus being a bit of a long time fan of Frank Miller's works (I think I got a glimpse of Sin City graphic novels during the fifth grade) I admire his "visual style". Stark contrast (with occasional splashes of colour) w/c works so well on setting the mood.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

2005-12-23T05:18:00.000-08:00

Regardless of what I said earlier, I'm looking forward to a more exciting/productive year (when I actually get to do "something" with the right materials). Great Holidays to all. :D

Boredom in the Dull-house

2005-12-21T22:25:00.000-08:00

My life these past few days has become excruciatingly dull, boring...and all other words pertaining to "lack of significance". Maybe it was the fact that I keep doing "quasi-somethings" or because there has been "nothing" going on. Nothing even remotely stimulating (I wonder when that bathroom painting project will start? Yes. I'd rather paint bathrooms now.)

You know it's bad when cutting paper price tags and stapling numerous brochures/flyers has become somewhat enlivening. I've also been asked to hand out flyers later this afternoon - on god-knows-where - which is not anywhere near "stimulating". But rather tramples on my self-esteem like a herd of stampeding elephants (I detest handing out flyers, if you must know - I'd very much prefer transcribing ancient documents while sitting on a dark basement room for days on end).

It's like walking underwater. There's also a pervading sense of unreality. It's like there's a thin film separating this world from me. I'm viewing things from the other end of a very long tunnel. Wha! That sure is descriptive.

So far, I feel most alive when working on my drawings. And maybe when I still have my Windows OS and Photoshop (not to mention my music, as most of the songs I hear as of late are rather "cringe-inducing" and prevents me -in part- from making "inspired" creations. Yes I'm "weird" that way.) *sigh* I haven't practiced Photoshop for ages! And SWISH too - I miss making all those R.E. mini-animations (w/c unfortunately got formatted along with my WINMe), while imagining music videos for songs like "Head Like A Hole" and "Getting Away With Murder". I've also designed a number of experimental CD covers/jackets.

The only "creative" stint I've had is making flyers (which is also "boredom-inducing" to the Nth degree. Did I also mention "uninspiring"?? That is almost as bad as designing generic calling cards and other types of cards - except maybe "Hallmark" types) I'd also like to point out the fact that it is "disheartening" to find your work trimmed-down and produced/printed on "non-quality" materials. Can you imagine how Da Vinci would feel if you asked him to paint an elaborate colored canvas only to tell him that his work will not appear as it is, but would rather be xeroxed, printed and mass-marketed using "lunch-bag" paper (or some other equivalent material)? I can see him wanting to thump you.

I can remember one "slightly-exciting" project this year. And it's the "Kiwanis Programme" (yeah, I kid you not). Sure, Ive been pressed for time (I got maybe 3 days) and it's not even the best of my creations (there ARE flaws). But at least, I got to use quality materials. Overnighting isn't too bad either (In all honesty, I'd be much happier if I'm allowed to work at night. With the lights - except the computer screen - out. No other people milling about, I can think and do my work better when I'm left with minimum supervision. The best time to come up with "earth-shattering" inspirations is between one to five in the morning, according to my experience. Yes, once again, I'm "weird" that way.) There's nothing more annoying than being pestered every two minutes about your progress and someone hovering like an overgrown bat (think Snape) over your shoulder.

Hey, I've read somewhere that "business" and "artist" types don't always see eye-to-eye. Except maybe in places like LucasArts or Square Enix. There must be some kind of gap/gulf in the communication.

Yes, I do understand that we live in the "real" world and there are such things as budget and stuff like that. :( But that doesn't stop me from ranting. Ehe! A way to diminish the "boredom".

Do you know how an aneurysm feels like? I can tell one coming up right now.
Ach! But I made up my plans for next year (in which things will get progressively better, I hope. Too bad, I had to sacrifice my "personal philosophy". Something I have managed not to do for the last 2 and 1/2 years, despite the pressures. But then there's the "Principle of Equivalent Exchange")

Christmas plans. I'll work on Dwayne Hicks and another original illustration. Or sleep. Who knows??

don't you agree??

2005-12-19T00:59:00.000-08:00

Don't you agree that some people are alive simply because it is illegal (not to mention "traditionally" wrong) to kill them???

I never thought I'd come across such a person, until now. My first thought after "exchanging views" (if you could call it that) with this one is to cause him as much pain as possible (i'm thinking along "kill bill" lines). Now I'm a generally "peaceful" individual (snicker - ok so I admit that I'm a bit "hot-headed") so you can imagine what an as*hole that person is.

No, WAIT! Actually I met TWO such people! One idiot in the D.A. (not Dumbledore's Army - DeviantArt) and another HERE (I kid you NOT!) in the very confines of this company (now I cannot imagine what the little turd - sorry for less than civilzed language, but I am not feeling very civilized just now - is doing here (except maybe to bring about the spread of some ghastly disease - Ebola or Anthrax, maybe both). I never thought I'd see "it" again (I refuse to consider "it" a person, because "it" certainly is not, given the attitude of Its Royal Foulness), after so many years. I guess it is a small world after all. Thank goodness I never see this "poor excuse for a human being" regularly (as I would have set myself on fire than be subjected to an such "eye-sore" everyday) >.<

Of course, I looked all detached when I came face to face with "it". But my mental eyeballs were popping out of their sockets! O! The horror! The Horror!

.hack//SIGN :: Auguries of Destruction

2005-12-14T23:10:00.000-08:00

The cast of .hack//SIGN

That old "sense of injustice" is coming back again. Maybe it's because I never really got the answer to that "monumental" question, "WHY?!" I also need to check my temper again, these days it's steadily rising dangerously close to the surface. I actually hate it when I get angry (heh! what a statement). Besides the fact that being in a "rage" is quite taxing, I tend to get an urge to break/destroy things (but I manage to restrain myself most of the time). So far I've only broken the "magnetic designs" on the fridge when I slammed the door in a fit of fury (I think we were discussing the "meaning of life", which got me worked up so much - it's like all old bile rising). *sigh* I guess I'm not taking my own advice. I need to focus on more "healthy" ways of dissipating anger...*shakes head*

And I'm back to my old "disengage/ignore tactics" again. Not a good sign. It's not good to be "Ikari-esque". They tend to alienate those around me (as the incident with my brother proved). Sometimes, I get ashamed of my bahaviour, but that has never been enough to "actually" change it. I do consider myself "well-armored" - by that I mean, I have an arsenal of pretty well-developed defense mechanisms from my years in the "slam". ;)

On to the main topic:

It all started when my bro (as I have mentioned in my previous posts) lent me a copy of this anime. It's based on a MMPORPG (massively multi-player online role-playing game - think Ragnarok) of the same title, or so I've read. I have only seen the first two episodes, and I immediately liked the main protagonist (Tsukasa - guy at the foreground), which rarely happens. He sort of reminded me of myself - a bit "cold", "unfriendly" and generally "stand-offish", sometimes to the point of "apparent" rudeness (wahahaha). I've been doing some "background reading" as I hate being thrust into the "unknown" without even an aota of information. According to one reviewer, Tsukasa's character makes Shinji Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion - one of the most mentally/emotionally taxing shows I've ever seen, there's also the fact that almost all characters have some sort of mental affliction - which makes it on top of my favourites) seem out-going and social (wahahaha :p) Oh, the character designer of .hack//SIGN happens to be Yoshiyuki Sadamoto [ah! Sadamoto-sensei!] (the same guy who did EVA), an added bonus!

I asked my father to get episodes 3-10 for me (four CDs). I'm planning to get Z.O.E (Zone of the Enders) next (ack! that's why I need more money!) I calculated the costs already. [dot]hack has 28 episodes, which means I need to get 14 CDs (which amounts to 350php) >.< *sigh* I also need to complete Hellsing (4 CDs to go).

.hack//SIGN is intensely character-driven (and there's also the tendency of characters to sound like they were on "Oprah" - they sometimes drone on and on, but this is a plus factor for me - lots of introspection) and has extremely "slow" phasing (episodes will pass without much "action" - but one needs to look closer). A lot of "shoot-em-up" fans complain about this (as they expect lots of fighting..err), although more "patient" ones regard this as .hack's strong points. The music is excellent, most of the song-inserts remind me of Enya. :)

Last, last Saturday I also had the opportunity to watch AKIRA (internationally acclaimed masterpiece by Katsuhiro Otomo). His works tend to deal with the concept of "absolute freedom". Of course themes like friendship, loyalty, hate, intolerance and such were dealt with in such a realistic way, despite the futuristic setting. Such a bittersweet ending. ;) The artwork was simply gorgeous. Otomo-sensei had such a way with "details".

...

2005-12-14T22:04:00.000-08:00

Haunted [PoE]

Come here
Pretty please
Can you tell me where I am
You won’t you say something
I need to get my bearings
I’m lost
And the shadows keep on changing

And I’m haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated
I’m haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head

Don’t cry,
There’s always a way
Here in november in this house of leaves
We’ll pray
Please, I know it’s hard to believe
To see a perfect forest
Through so many splintered trees
You and me
And these shadows keep on changing

And I’m haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated
I’m haunted
By the promises I’ve made
And others I have broken
I’m haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head

Hallways... always

I’ll always love you
I’ll always need you
I’ll always want you

And I will always miss you

Come here
No I won’t say please
One more look at the ghost
Before I’m gonna make it leave
Come here
I’ve got the pieces here
Time to gather up the splinters
Build a casket for my tears

I’m haunted
(by the lives that I have loved)
I’m haunted
(by the promises I’ve made)
I’m haunted
By the hallways in this tiny room
The echos there of me and you
The voices that are carrying this tune

Father :
What is it annie?

Daughter :
You think I’ll cry? I won’t cry!
My heart will break before I cry!
I will go mad.

The Shadow of the Past*

2005-12-12T18:05:00.000-08:00

Some random thoughts. :)

ok. i've been reading Lord of the Rings: Fellowship last night (I mean "seriously" reading it). It has some hilarious *and many more to come i'm sure* moments. How they think the Bagginses (at least Bilbo and Frodo) were "cracked" (or "touched" in the head).

Anyway, I found this very "interesting" article written by one called CyberWolfman. It's about the Columbine Shootings (as you can probably see). I have a copy of TIME Magazine's "The Monsters Next Door" issue (although I found most of the articles there "controlling", not really pinpointing the truth about "why it happened?" & complete with all that "manipulative" montages - as if people suddenly "snap" without reason). Ok, so here's the article (it's a bit "funny", if you like "black humour")

But first here's a little "argument" / "equation" that has been "rolling around my head" for a very long time (since time immemorial in fact). Suppose a group of "humans" are harassing some random person. These group of humans happen to be the "prototype" by which all people should be patterned (think PHALANX) - you know "everyone" thinks they're "rad" and all. On the contrary, Random Person is deemed "weird" and therefore the said "humans" continue to harrass Random Person day in and day out. Random Person endures (meaning he does every technique at his disposal - ignoring the said "humans" and going to the "proper authorities" - to no avail, because the said "humans" have a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde persona and so impossible to implicate) for a time. But then Random Person suddenly realize that "there is NO ONE coming" (and don't get me started on "God"...please!) and so Random Person decides to take matters in is own hands (i.e. retaliate - which is of course "evil" in the eyes of the said "humans" who think that trying to prevent yourself from being a "bloody corpse" is wrong). I mean here's the thought pattern behind this:

"The guy's weird, so we the "healthy", "well-adjusted", "normal" ones reserve the right to beat him up (or psychologically abuse him, by teasing, calling him names). And he can't fight back, no sir, he's weird, he doesn't have those rights! Isn't that what's "normal"? If he wants us to stop, HE should be the one adjust, because 'majority rules'! We don't have to respect his rights, because his being "weird"/"different" took those rights from him!"

Wow! The end of civilization as we know it!

Here's the article BTW:

The Columbine Shootings, April 20th, 1999:

Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, two members of the TCM (Trench Coat Mafia) at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado felt so outcast and harassed that they needed to shoot their tormenters. This, according to the media, is labeled a 'hate crime'. I guess the media is sending a message that it's okee dokee for kids to harass others, but it's a 'hate crime' to hate people for doing that to you.

The Trench Coat Mafia was just a bunch of students who wore trench coats to school. And, as usual, whenever there's a group of people that doesn't fit in with what society considers to be 'normal', that is, a good little biological robot marching in perfect lock-step, acting the same as everybody else, a name is put on them by other people. In this case, a jock, in 1998. They had a right not to have to conform to what other students thought of as normal. Or at least I think so. Of what use is a robot, or somebody who thinks, dresses, acts and talks exactly like everybody else? Just another cog in the machine, not an individual. If you eliminate all the people in your society who are different, you're going to be getting rid of most if not all artists, writers, fashion designers, or anybody else who thinks differently from the social norm. If you succeed, in time, everybody will be wearing the same clothes, there won't be any new TV shows or movies, nor artwork or anything creative.

The members of the Trench Coat Mafia weren't racist, nor were they into Nazism.

These students put up with years of abuse and harassment by fellow students. In the begining, it was mostly the jocks, but more of the students joined in the harassment. They had drinks poured on them, were called names, among them words intentionally hurtful like the slang name for a gay person, that starts with an F which I won't repeat here. The football players did body blocks on them, shoving them hard into lockers. They also had rocks, bottles, and cans and cups filled with soda pop thrown at them from the jocks who drove by in cars as they tried to ride home on their bicycles. The jocks also hit them with their cars while they were riding their bicycles.

In the cafeteria, they'd throw food at them.

One of them described it as being "Pure hell."

An actual quote by a 255 pound football player at the school:

“Columbine is a clean, good, place except for those rejects.” He added, “Sure we teased them. But what do you expect with kids who come to school with weird hairdos and horns on their hats? It’s not just the jocks; the whole school’s disgusted with them. If you want to get rid of someone, usually you tease ‘em. So the whole school would call them homos.’”

Gee, intolerance seems to be the norm at a lot of these schools, and is still going strong even after the shootings. Guess they didn't learn, and probably never will. What? You have a different haircut and you wear a hat that's different and the other students have a right to attack you?

This kind of thing happened a lot in front of teachers and students, but nobody did anything to stop it.

Most adults wouldn't put up with this kind of treatement, but this was done to children. Children who had enough problems trying to grow up in this cruel and sadistic world and trying to get an education without the added agravation of harassment, bullying, bodily harm, and possible death. And they wonder why children don't learn in school. Maybe they're more concerned with surviving another day than school work? When you're in survival mode almost every hour of every day at a school, math and all that other stuff doesn't matter. Making it through another day is all that matters. But, of course, the schools, parents, and teachers don't really care.

Then, of course, something snapped, and the events of April 20th, 1999 happened.

Okay, I realize that the news stories are just a little slanted, but this is open manipulation: They've published a video tape showing footage of the after-effects of the Columbine shootings, and with kids running out of the school, crying, all complete with emotionally manipulative music to control your emotional response. What's the deal? Are people really sheep? They like being led? Maybe we should just call them all sheeple, and be done with it.

It seems odd, really, that all the video tapes that were done by the two guys involved before the shootings telling why they were so upset isn't published, but the emotionally manipulative stuff is...

They should've put what they wanted to say on the Web, or made .avi files using a hidden video camera, possibly of kids teasing and bullying them, then shared it with others through file-sharing programs.

And what about Daniel Rohrbough? Was he shot and killed by Jefferson County sheriff's deputies as some claim? His parents say that he couldn't have been shot by Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris in the chest and gut because witnesses saw him running away from them. There seems to be a lot that's not being told...

For those thinking there was a third student shooting people, there wasn't. Eric Harris took off his duster after shooting a few rounds. Then continued wearing his white T-shirt. He even stopped for a few seconds to drink something in the cafeteria. Dylan Klebold took off his own duster in the school library. He wore a black T-shirt underneath his duster.

Btw, for any reporters reading this, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris weren't wearing real trench coats. They wore dusters. Try getting the facts straight, for just once.

And yes, I've heard about the Nazi stuff in some diary the cops 'confiscated'. Odd how things that are taken by some people the stuff is considered to be stolen, but when it's done by another group of people, it's called 'confiscating'...

More than likely, Dylan and Eric wanted to shock anybody reading it. Their actions prove that they weren't racist. You'll note that only two minorities were killed during the shootings, and I think at least one of them was a jock. That should tell you who their real targets were. Judge people by what they do, not by what they say. What people say in public or what they've written in diaries where they think snoopy people will read them shouldn't be taken for their true self. Otherwise, you'd have to believe everything a politician says. Frankly, I'm not that gullible.

Let's put it this way: Who would you consider to be more intolerant of somebody who was different from them either by the way they dress, or the color of their skin? A group of people who like being different, or jocks who openly admit they harassed them merely because they had different style of haircuts and wore different kinds of hats from them?

After Columbine, the students who were in the Trench Coat Mafia were silent, not wanting to tell their side of the story for fear of being attacked, again. Not only fearing for themselves, but for their families.

In August of 1999, the school district decided to start an anti-bullying program. Many people think that it's because it took the Columbine shootings to convince them that something was wrong. But I think it's because they wanted to make themselves look better in the public eye. Otherwise, they would've done something a lot sooner, knowing that this level of harassment was going on. But personally, I think it's just PR. The kids will act politically correct while in view of any teachers that they don't think they can get away with anything in front of, but once out of their view, they'll revert to their usual intolerant and sadistic ways, especially for anybody that's even slightly different from them. The quote by the football player above tells the real story. This is the way humans are.

What people have to realize someday is that they need to treat others as they themselves want to be treated. Not alienated, or made to feel like an outcast. Not ridiculed, not attacked. Nor assaulted with soda pop, rocks, bottles, or cars. Otherwise, those they hurt will hate them for it. Some will want hurt.

One of the final insults to Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold came when some guy destroyed the crosses that were left in memorial of their deaths, but left the remaining 13 alone. Even in death, they're made to feel as outcasts. :-(

Humans will never learn.

off to see "Goblet"

2005-12-09T00:34:00.000-08:00

Been reading a few articles on CrimeLibrary.Com and gotten a bit (an understatement) shaken. Plunging into the "depths" of human "bestiality" or "evil" (how else would you call it?)...OUGHT to leave a "sane" person shaken - hey, I know my thought patterns are a bit abnormal at times, but I consider myself not "that" far out, although it's "interesting" -read: scary- to find that "some" of parts of the killers/murderers echo part(s) of myself -or of any other human being come think of it. But reading at CrimeLibrary & other similar sites helps one come to terms with their darker sides (you always know where/when to draw the line). Always hold on to the anchor of "compassion" (even if you think of letting go of it at times - because anything will seem "alright" when that anchor slips - believe me).

Besides there are "other" ways of "channeling" - no, not bottling it all up or even recognizing it, actions like that will lead to more disastrous results - aggression & violence than taking out your enemies or most probably some random person beside you (although there really were times when it's all very tempting). I for one wouldn't say I haven't got a "violent streak", but instead of beating those I despise to death, I resort to drawing (thank the Maker for my talents), sure my drawings (with the exception of portraits) tend to "emulate" violence and angst (I'm a fan of Silent Hill, DOOM, Resident Evil, Hellsing, Sin City, Kill Bill, Stephen King, Full Metal Jacket and Natural Born Killers as much as I am of Lord of the Rings, the Harry Potter Series, Narnia and the NeverEnding Story) but that's just about it.

In the end there's always a huge difference between "thinking" and "doing".You may have fantasized about ripping off someone's head your whole life, but CHOOSING not to implement that fantasy is always the hallmark of a human being and what separates you from Ted Bundy or Joel Rifkin or Jeffrey Dahmer. Of course, I still believe "some" people (about 1% of the population) are "just wired wrong" (how else would you explain the "Poisoner of London", who started his murderous career at 7 or 8 years old? Or how about Mary Bell who started at 10?)

Where's Dumbledore when I need him?? :)

Anyway! Anyway! Enough of that! Never meant for this post to be THIS long. Got a bit carried away. Sorry! :)

I'm off to seeing "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" tomorrow. "Chronicles of Narnia" not being far behind. I'm writing a review if I can manage. :) Have a nice weekend, everyone!

Out of the Shadowlands and into the "Palace"

2005-12-06T21:40:00.000-08:00

My "story" made it to "Raven Days" (under the title: "A Tale From the Shadowlands"). It's a place for a bunch of people like me. Thanks to Ms. Meridith Dixon for taking time. It's nice to know there are "lots" out there who share similar experience(s) and that most, if not all, are moving on with their lives. I've also been reading a couple of articles written by Mr. John Katz from Slashdot (I especially liked "Voices from the Hellmouth" and "The Price of Being Different"). As it has become very annoying to be repeatedly told - both directly and indirectly - that you have "some kind of a problem", when you "know" that is not the case (if anything, they are the ones who seem to have a problem).

Actually, I have another one of those "headaches". We had marketing today and while the people I'm with were a bunch of "laughs" (they loved making jokes and it was really fun), the whole "ride" was dizzying and it made me feel like throwing up. And right now, it's as if my brain had been shunted from side to side. What I want is to go to sleep and never wake up again - ah, I take that back - I wish to wake up a thousand years from now (can you say "Rip Van Winkle"?)

Heh. On a less "depressive" subject. I never thought I'd "follow" a Korean drama. But lately, I was taken to watching "Dae Jang Geum" (The Great Jang Geum/Jewel In the Palace). At least, it has some historical authenticity, and the main protagonist is not annoying, in fact she is very intelligent/creative (and her overall personality is quite "winsome"; very modest and nothing "too" perky, she seems to be a more pleasant version of Jane Eyre + I really like Jeong-ho Min -the "captain-guy"-...boohoo!). I especially liked the way the "Art of Cooking" was presented (although I tend to go scrounging for food everytime I watch this show, as the cuisine is literally mouth-watering ^.^) Oh, and the customs and costumes were nothing short of fascinating. Starts off pretty late, but I'm thinking of getting fan-subs. Now I'm really mad! :p

Back to a more serious topic:

I am on the brink...
on the edge...of a gaping (yawning) abyss. I am about to make an "earth-shaking" and "life-changing" decision (those are bits of exaggeration, mind you). I've done a lot of contemplation lately. I've been "plagued" with "signs" and "portents" and I believe it is time to act upon them. A conclusion regarding "the matter" is nearly made. A bit more introspection and I'll see "tobira no mokou e." :)

....

2005-12-04T20:43:00.000-08:00

Come with me in the twilight of a summer night for a while
Tell me of a story never ever told in the past

Take me back to the land
Where my yearnings were born
The key to open the door is in your hand
Now fly me there

Fanatics find their heaven in never ending storming wind
Auguries of destruction be a lullaby for rebirth

Consolations, be there
In my dreamland to come
The key to open the door is in your hand
Now take me there

I believe in fantasies invisible to me
In the land of misery I'm searchin' for the sign
To the door of mystery and dignity
I'm wandering down, and searchin' down the secret sun
Come with me in the twilight of a summer night for awhile
Tell me of a story never ever told in the past

Take me back to the land
Where my yearnings were born
The key to open the door is in your hand
Now take me there
To the land of twilight

Note: Another nice song I've "discovered". My brother lent me a copy of .hack//SIGN" I think it's a good show, and I like the main protagonist, Tsukasa. His/Her - as he is a girl in the real world, only her "in-game" character is a guy - struggles I can relate to. And her/his attitude is somewhat similar to mine - a real introvert. ;pI still don't know who the singer is, but she sounds a lot like Enya and Loreena McKenitt.

"The Forgotten"

2005-12-01T17:03:00.000-08:00

"Are you asocial or do you just enjoy living in the Antarctic?"
(both I think)

Now I know how Cloud Strife and Squall Leonhart feels!
*sigh*
I received a text message from my friend "Miriam", just this morning. She basically said, "Hello. Have you forgotten me?"Jesus-bleedin'-Christ! First it's my brother, who practically accused me of "ignoring", "forgetting" and "taking him for granted", because according to what my mother said (apparently, he unloaded his woes on her) I don't talk to him much (come to think of it I haven't spoken to him for weeks - and I'm not even mad or anything, I just "forgot" to speak to him) or that I come and leave the house without so much as "acknowledging" him. Right. People can be so hard to understand sometimes. I thought it was perfectly ok with him, turns out I was wrong.

I mean, he of all people should know me! I'm not exactly the "cuddly-bear" type. I don't "shower" affection to anybody (at least not "that" obviously). And yes, I don't speak that much (even at home). Touching and hugging is something that is very irksome/bothersome to me (I like to hug and be hugged sometimes, but ONLY in my own terms). Guess that makes me abnormal now, does it??! Grr! >.<

I have explained the matter several times before! It's not that I do not care for my brother (I buy him things -CDs & drawing materials- even if there is no occasion) or my friends or my family. It's a matter of personality. I happen to have a rich inner life which sustains me. And I guess the reason for the "distance" is that I often get "overwhelmed" when interacting with people (imagine opening a loaded furnace and having the fire full blast on your face!) I get "tired" (even if the conversation is intellectually stimulating). It's that simple! Why do you think I hate crowds, parties, meetings? Have you had that impression of "drowning"? It's like standing outside, naked, in the middle of a hurricane! Can you picture that?? Can you?? I can't stand the noise (it's like loud, "rythm-less" static), swirling about in colourless clouds, the smell (oh, yes, the smell is "overpowering", not exactly repugnant, but the smell of the "collective" is sometimes enough to make someone faint! and I'm NOT exaggerating!!)

Hmm...you know what? My vision of "peace" had always been this: Standing in the middle of a wheat/flower field, with the sun setting, my arms embracing the vastness of the sky,nothing but the sound of birds and animals and the wind on my face. Ala "Gladiator", when Maximus goes to the Elysian Fields. That is the reason why Gandalf's words (about "death") on "The Return of the King" had such an impact on me: "....and the grey rain curtain of this world rolls back, and all will turn to silver-glass....and then you see it...White shores... and beyond. The far green country under a swift sunrise. "

And now, "Miriam" thinks I've forgotten her (*sigh* - If I could only resort to mental telepathy!) Well, I sure did forget her birthday (my mistake, I admit). I honestly didn't think it would matter (I for one, couldn't care less if my parents & friends forgot my birthday, I mean, who cares?? It's just a "date"! Jesus Christ!) This is the Nth time I've been accused of "coldness" and "thoughtlessness". I'm almost used to it! I have a, shall we say, "low" need for human interaction...but does that equate to "coldness"?!?! Really!

*sigh* But wait, there are people I consider part of my "Ka-tet", we have this "connectedness" that has nothing to do words or "cuddlyness" or all that "superficial caring" sh*t. We have been friends for 6 years now, the three of us. We have basically the same "inclination", but not the "personality". I remember, we once had a little "misunderstanding", which led to us not speaking to one another for a considerable length of time. But one day, we decided to just "talk". No "I'm so sorry." yadda...yadda. We never mentioned the incident again, and resumed our friendship. We still have little disagreements over matters but that can be solved with our combined efforts.

And the best thing about this friendship is that we never "require" one another to text, say "gushy words" (we'd jump off a cliff before we do - of course we counsel each other when we have problems, but we have an entirely different approach!) or even meet regularly (what would you expect, we love gallows humour, that sort of thing). There are periods when we won't see each other for months, but when we do meet again, the "connection" is still there, never broken by time, it's as if we just saw one another yesterday! Isn't that the most wonderful thing??

Finally, a quote from a website about introverts:
"It is very difficult for an extravert to understand an introvert. Therefore the extravert may see the introverted person as someone with a problem, not as simply someone with a different personality type. This may lead to attempts to get them to be 'friendlier,' to work in larger groups, to talk more often and more spontaneously, and to be more outgoing and interactive. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. It does not need to be cured. It simply needs to be understood and accepted."

Close Encounters with the Gal-Lum Kind

2005-11-30T18:26:00.000-08:00

It's a small world they say. What transpired yesterday was an evidence (sorry, this post will be a bit more incoherrent than usual, as the guy behind me happened to be playing music loud enough to wake the dead...jesus christ, whatever happened to civilization?)

....and thou shalt not "lift his own chair."

2005-11-25T00:09:00.000-08:00

I'm a bit annoyed by someone's fruitless effort to "lift his own chair" (this is a literal translation of an old tagalog "proverb")...tsk...tsk...I have met this person once or twice (many times when he was still a kid), I would think he was a "basically ok person". It just so happens that he gets on my nerves. He is guilty of being a "braggart" (for lack of a more suitable word). But I don't know, maybe it's just me.

...

2005-11-23T23:48:00.000-08:00

This one sort of reminded me of Integral Hellsing. :D Ah, hell, another "thoughtless" post. Just one of my most favourite songs (and artist as well).

Winter by Tori Amos

Snow can wait
I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose
Get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart
When I think of winter
I put my hand in my father's glove

I run off where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice
"You must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I can't alyways be around"

He says
when you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change
so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I'm here still waiting
Withering where some snowman was
Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
But I only can see myself
skating around the truth
who I am
But I know, dad, the ice is getting thin

Hair is grey and the fires are burning
So many dreams on the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself

When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear
Never change
All the white horses

"it's raining outside, aren't they??!" ^_^

2005-11-22T22:49:00.000-08:00

Found this interesting quote:
"Once someone said that if a million monkeys were typing 24/7 they should one day reproduce the works of Shakespeare - Now, thanks to the Internet, this has been proven untrue."

I'm included in the "marketing" team today and they're quite a funny lot. The laughs compensated for the headache and sun burn. *lol* :) And the people we met along the way weren't so bad either. Most are quite polite and behaved like proper human beings. :D

Once again, the current situation is all "sound and fury, signifying nothing." I am thinking about becoming a member of "The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to English" and "The Association of People Who Would Rather Shut Up Than Belt Incorrect Lyrics". Because I get lots of unintentional laughs around. *wink* *grins* Wait, we must exercise maximum tolerence. And I think that's what I am doing, to the dismay of my ears. :)

"...sound and fury, signifying nothing..."

2005-11-21T00:18:00.000-08:00

There. Just to summarize the current situation.

Yahoo! Yehey! Ang saya ng lola mo!

2005-11-18T21:31:00.000-08:00

This is probably the first entry in which I am particularly "happy". Weird isn't it? I am happy. Euphoric, extremely glad and immensely pleased!

Finally, all that work (yes, well I consider being an artist/illustrator a serious occupation - why do you think I'm keen on improving my style? - and all fall secondary to it, including family, and er..friends - unless they happen to be artists as well) seems to be paying off! Starting in "small" amounts of course. *grins widely* But paying off nonetheless.

Here's what happened, I recently made a deal with a certain Mr. Skye Smith (an art collector) from Illinois USA. He'd buy my rendition of Queen Amidala (in all her "pre-senate" glory) for $30.00 (roughly P1,680.00) plus the cost of shipping and handling (he'd shoulder this as well). Wha! Talk about a very pleasant surprise! :D I'm glad I did not give that drawing away! What's more, he'd asked me to draw several more pieces and he'd buy them as well! :D (rawwwrr!)

Now if I could just move on to the second bit of my "battle plan". :D I'd probably have to invest something on Patrick Reid's (Phat's "Lord Tuvitor) new book, "The Chronicles of Tirlannon" Saga (part one - The Freedom Fighter - is out), but once I get the sample illustrations sent to him (he's been quite appreciative of my Phat artworks). I just might become the book's official illustrator! (hehehe..sounds like a long shot, right? but maybe not...look at Tolkien illustrator Ted Nasmith or The Hildebrandt Brothers).

Words can't explain how happy I am now... "para akong naka-drugs". tee-hee!

As an added bonus, I particularly liked the way my new "Maximus Decimus Meridius from Gladiator"
came out. :D (click link to view)

....the unbearable crappiness of being...Part II

2005-11-17T00:50:00.000-08:00

As it turns out, I did not die (not physically anyway). Just got a bit tired, all that walking (but that ain't too bad either). So far everything went "fine", just as long as I didn't have to open my mouth. ;)

Got a bit of a headache though. But that didn't last long either.

I've sent the payment for an item I won on E-Bay (today). Finally, a copy of "Silence of the Lambs" novel within my grasp. I've been outbid on Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (but I decided to let it go). The costs of shipping almost cover that of a new copy (but I think this one was the British Edition). I'm also tracking a wonderful new item, Books 1-6 of Stephen King's Dark Tower Series.

I found Dark Tower books on National Bookstore. "Wizard and Glass", "The Wastelands", "The Song of Susanah", "Wolves of the Calla" and "The Dark Tower" - the last part - I'm missing "The Gunslinger" (which I saw on Diplomat and I deeply regret NOT buying it) and "The Drawing of the Three". I'm planning on getting "Wizard and Glass" or maybe "The Wastelands" - both of which being great editions. But it wouldn't be good to have a "fragmented" (that is to say not chronologically) read.

I've also noticed that the main protagonist of Dark Tower, Roland of Gilead bears a personality resemblance to Hellblazer's John Constantine (no, not the movie, please! Constantine is NOT supposed to look like Keanu Reeves...and the way they "butchered" the story...excuse me). Roland sacrifices those closest to him (even the "love" of his life and his "son") - the way Constantine does - in exchange for fulfilling his life's mission (that is stopping the Crimson King from "undermining" the Dark Tower). By book seven almost all members of Roland's Ka-tet have either died or been left behind (with the exception of Oy). I mean, he can be friendly (when he really wants to), but is usually distant (a direct quote from Wiki). So he's another Anti-Hero. :D

....the unbearable crappiness of being...

2005-11-16T00:35:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be sick tomorrow!

I HONESTLY wish to be sick! Maybe I could break a leg or something? (on second thought, maybe not!) Or have a bad case of LBM? (is there even a good case of LBM? Given my current circumstance, this might be the very first case of "good" LBM. Yes, it's THAT bad!) How about a severe attack of nasal allergies? The possibilities are endless, really. But it would look too obvious. Okay! So I want to skive off work tomorrow! Big deal. Because I am "scheduled". Yes, "scheduled". To be burnt at the stake.

What I'm being asked to do (tomorrow) seems LIKE A WALK IN A DUNG HILL...(hills more likely!) Believe me. It makes me want to channel the spirit of Johnner (ah, what? he's STILL alive?) and say "______ man, what a sh*t hole!"

Wish dear Aunt Wendy would hurry up with my papers. So I could get a move on, as the situation is getting weiz & weiz. >.< In other words, my only option would be to use my "Limit Break" (which one? maybe...uh...Desperado? Or Blood Pain? The Great Divide, perhaps?)

Hey, maybe breaking a leg won't be too bad after all. ;) Given the situation. Sure, sure, I might come off it alive (physically anyway).

You are a Child of the 80's when...

2005-11-13T23:27:00.000-08:00

Are You One of Us?

1. Paborito mong panoorin ang Shaider, Bio-man, Maskman, Mask Rider Black, Machine Man at kung ano-anong TV sitcom ng Japan na isinalin sa Tagalog. Break muna sa mga laro kapag alas singko na ng hapon tuwing Sabado dahil panahon na para sa superhero marathon. [humanda na kayo...kampon ng kadiliman....]

2. Alam mo ang jingle ng Nano-Nano. (isang kending lasang champoy)

3. Nanood ka ng Takeshi's Castle at naniwala kang si Anjo Yllana talaga si Takeshi at si Smokey Manaloto ang kanyang alalay. (Pinagiisipan mo - pano sila lumalaban sa final challenge na parang nakasakay sila sa isang bumpcar at nagbabarilan sila gamit ang water gun gayong sa Japan ginagawa yun eh taga Pilipinas sila?)

4. Alam mo ang pa-contest ng Kool 106 na uulit-ulitin mong bigkasin ang "Kool 106, Kool 106" hanggang maubusan ka ng hininga.

5. Naglaro ka ng Shake-Shake Shampoo, Monkey-Monkey-Annabelle,
prikidam 123, Langit-Lupa-Impyerno, Syato, Luksong-Tinik, Luksong-Baka, 10-20 at kung ano-ano pang larong nakakapagod.

6. Pumunta ang mga taga-MILO sa skul niyo at namigay sila ng
samples na nakalagay sa plastic cup na kasing laki nung sa maliit na ice cream. (at nagtaka ka, bakit hindi ganito ang lasa ng MILO kapag tinitimpla ko sa bahay namin?)

7. May malaking away ang mga METAL (mga punks na naka itim) at mga HIPHOP (mga taong naka maluwang na puruntong na kahit Makita na ang dalawang bundok.)Nag-aabangan sa mall na may dalang baseball bat at kung anu-ano pang mga sandata. Sikat ang kasabihang "PUNKS NOT DEAD!" pero kung gusto mong mag play safe, pwede mong tawagin ang sarili mong HIPTAL.

8. Alam mo ang universal uwian song na "Uwian na!" na kinakanta sa tono na parang doon sa kinakasal.

9. Nagpauto ka sa Batibot pero hindi sa ATBP. [hahahaha!! totoo yan!!]

10. Nakipag-away ka para makapaglaro ng brick game. (hi-tech na yun noon) [hahaha...makikipag-away ako sa classmate pag di naka-laro! ]

11. Ang "text" noon ay mga 1"x1.5" na karton na may mga drawing ng pelikulang pinoy. (at may dialog pa!) [madami akong collection nyan]

12. Dalawa lang ang todong sumikat na wrestler, si Hulk Hogan at si Ultimate Warrior. Naniwala ka rin na namatay si Ultimate Warrior nang buhatin niya si Andre d' Giant dahil pumutok ang mga ugat niya sa muscle. [parang may nangyari din atang ganyan kay Hulk Hogan]

13. Nagsayaw ka ng running man at kung anu-anong dance steps na nakapagpamukha sa'yong tanga sa saliw na kantang Ice Ice Baby, Wiggle It, Pray at Can't Touch This. [can't touch this....tarararan...can't touch this]

14. Hindi ka gaanong mahilig sa That's Entertainment at pinapanood mo lang ito tuwing Sabado kung saan nagpapagandahan ng production numbers ang Monday hanggang Friday group. (at badtrip ka sa Wednesday group dahil pinakabaduy lagi ang performance nila!) [er..yan lang ang di ko napanood, inaantok ako lagi...]

15. Napaligaya ka ng maraming pinoy bands tulad ng Yano, Rivermaya, Grin Department, Tropical Depression, The Teeth, The Youth, After Image,Orient Pearl, The Dawn, Alamid, Wolfgang, at ang sikat na sikat na Eraserheads. (at aminin mong nakinig ka ng Siakol!) [oo! hindi ko itinatanggi!]

16. Kilala mo ang Smokey Mountain, (first and second generation)

17. Hindi pa uso noon ang sapatos na may gulong. Noon, astig ka kapag umiilaw ang swelas ng sapatos mo tuwing ia-apak mo ito. Tinawag rin itong "Mighty Kid".

18. Kung lalaki ka, sikat na sikat sa'yo ang mga larong text, jolens, dampa (mga unang anyo ng pustahan), saranggola at ang dakilang manika niyo ay si GI-JOE with alipores.

19. Kung babae ka naman, ang mga laro mo with you're girlfriends ay luto-lutuan, bahay-bahayan, doktor-doktoran, at kung anu-ano pang pagkukunwari . ang dakilang manika mo ay si Barbie. (Sikat ka kung meron kang bahay, kotse at kabaong ni Barbie.) [kabaong ni Barbie??]

20. Naniwala kang original ang isang cap kapag may walong tahi sa visor nito.

21. Swerte ka kapag panghapon ka dahil masusubaybayan mo ang mga kapanapanabik na kaganapan sa mga paborito mong cartoon shows tuwing umaga tulad ng Cedie, Sarah, at Dog of Flaunders a.k.a. Nelo. (Hindi ka ba nagtataka na sa lahat ng mga bida sa cartoons na ito, si Nelo lang ang di yumaman at namatay pa ng maaga) [ak! napakasakit kuya eddie!]

22. Alam mo ang ibig sabihin ng "TIME FIRST!"

ehehehe...gusto ko lang idag-dag...uso rin nun yung "Million Dollar Movies"(kung saan 2 beses kong napanood ang "The Fly"), Friday the 13th the Series, Mission Impossible the Series (kung saan may mga sumasabog na computer at mga taong nagpapalit ng anyo sa pamamagitan ng rubber masks na mukhang totoong-totoo at sa end ng bawat episode tinatanggal nila ito), Steven Spielberg's Amazing Stories, Star Trek (to boldly go where no one has gone before! tanananan!) Eerie Indiana (wag mong sabihing hindi mo kilala sina Marshall at Simon at ang napaka wirdong lugar ng Eerie, Indiana POP 800), He-Man & The Masters of the Universe (ang walang kamatayang "I have the Pooooweeeeerrr!") Conan the Barbarian, yung War of theWorlds (kung saan malalaman mong ang isang tao ay na-assimilate na ng alien kapag kumakain na sila ng damo sa backyard at may extra hand na lumalabas sa dibdib!)

nandyan din ang tanong na "Who killed Laura Palmer?"ng Twin Peaks (nagpa-contest pa ang ABS noon kung sino makaka-hula sa killer - napag-alaman sa huli na yung ama pala nya ang salarin na na-possess ng ispiritong nag-ngangalang "BOB"!). Ito rin ang mga panahon kung kailan si tatay ay adik sa NYPD Blue at Forever Knight (kung saan ang bida ay isang pulis na bampira na may stock ng dugo sa ref nya!) At sino ba ang makakalimot sa "Baywatch" (na pinagbibidahan ni David Hasselhoff - tama ba spelling?) Tapos dumating pa ang The Uncanny X-Men (tanananan-nanan...tanananan!) Nung mga panahong yun eh ang basa pa namin sa Wolverine eh "Wolver-rayn"...ahahaha...

ito rin ang panahon kung kailan naisipang patayin ng DC Comics si Superman, at ng Marvel Comics si Ghost Rider. :(

At sino ba ang hindi nakarinig sa Operation Desert Storm at Desert Fox (uy, may t-shirt ako nun...hehehe), ang "Invasion of Kuwait"....? and on 1993? 1991? yung Bosnian War.

Nostalgia: I Remember the days when...

2005-11-13T19:39:00.000-08:00

Princesa/Prince Igamu
Hikari Sentai Maskman 1987

Just a bit nostalgic today (not to mention a bit lethargic too - you know, the thought of getting out of bed seems to require gargantuan effort -). Anyway, found this picture (above) while randomly searching some stuff related to the "continental style" uniform - i keep running into "afrika corps" websites, seems that particular style originated from the german army). The picture was a bit small, but no matter. At last I'll be able to draw her.

I grew up on "sentai" (japanese for task force - not that "other" one! - you sukebe..you.!) and "tokusatsu". I wish they'd bring it back, preferrably on evenings and during Sundays, in place of those irksome (and generally shallow, no offense) "tele/korean novelas". It's about time, I think. Particular faves include "Hikari Sentai Maskman" (light task force maskman) - great story, quite complex characters (just take a look at Igamu - mine idol.hehehe - and Kiros), with the added bonus of seeing "familiar" stuff - and besides I've never seen the ending; Kamen (masked) Rider Black - sniff, sniff! this show made me er...cry several times - i was in the fifth grade, i think, the whole theme of brotherhoood and what it means to be human etc, especially the ending). Great themes too, I liked "Ai No Soldier" and "Long, Long Ago 20th Century" the best.

I remember me and my bro would play "Maskman" (or Shaider...nope I'm NOT Ani, I usually play the High Priestess Yda -using the long broom as a staff), he would be "Red Mask" (Michael Joe/Takeru) and I would be his rival Princesa Igamu, we would simulate sword fighting (ek..sometimes jumping up and down the tables and chairs, to the detriment of our parents) and power blasts (swish! kapow!), not to forget the "poses" - Red One!...Yellow Four! Pink Five! - knocking over certain house-hold fixtures in the process! There was one time when we decided to construct a make-shift version of "ang binog ng kamatayan" (The Circle of Death), using the "kulambo" (mosquito net). I think we tore it in places. :D Ahahaha!

We constructed several stories too. Our very first, I think, was "The Adventures of Jamie & Vultril". Jamie was my Barbie doll and Vultril was his toy robot. They go on Maskman-like adventures, kicking the ass of evil guys (but we added some depth by making Vultril a "former bad guy" and his brother was the main enemy, I think). Then there was our first comic book (X-something), I think the main character there was called Raven and we also had Brain-something, and we code-named a character "Moron" (the story was somewhat convulted - I was in Grade V and he was in Grade II! - we started on Episode 45...hahaha!) That "Moron" (a slimy, back-stabbing, shape-shifting maniac) character became loads of laughs years later (I mean, who on Earth would want to code name themselves "Moron?!" unless... :D)

Last Sunday's Full Metal Alchemist episode "Ang Pamamaalam" (The Final Goodbye) was just...great and sad. Lt. Col. Maes Hughes died in the hands of a homunculus (Envy, I think - although Lust and Sloth are also present), hence the episode title. The dialogue and imagery were both haunting/chilling (Envy shape-shifted into Hughes' wife then shot him) and moving (especially that of Hughes waving -in sepia tones- on the train platform - a great comic panel to be sure). Will herald the second part of the adventures of brothers Edward and Alphonse Elric. Will they be able to find the true "Philosopher's Stone" and restore their original bodies (most specifically Al who was now a "living armor" as a result of Ed's "human transmutation" fiasco)? We'll see. I expect more information about Scar and the people of Ishval (the Ishval rebellion and why they ("really") were massacred by the state military?)

Annoy-nt-ment

2005-11-10T23:56:00.000-08:00

I am Annoyed. Irritated, Bothered, Irked, Vexed, Provoked, Aggravated, Peeved, Riled.
Got the point? I'm a bit..."displeased". And that's putting it lightly. >.<

Not to mention, that throbbing headache seemed to have made another unwelcome comeback. Followed by that disconcerting "throb" above and behind my eyes. I hope I don't get a nose bleed like last time. I'm going home straightaway.
Just today. >.<

It's like all the blood decided to leave other parts of my body and exclusively occupy my head. It seems that my temper's close to the surface (and to the boiling point) again! (and I've always worked so hard to "keep it in the back burner"!)

M.E.A.B.

2005-11-09T23:59:00.000-08:00

yes, "mine ears are bleeding" (severely and profusely!)
excessive "sound - i mean "song"- pollution", if anyone could catch my drift. (lol) :D
but i am exercising -or trying to exercise- maximum tolerance (the sounds currently playing you see, are not to my liking), but that does not lessen the fact that mine ears are still bloody! lol. :D
the downside of not having my trusty sounds and earphones with me when i'm working (to cover "undesirable" noise(s) *grins*

a choice between what's right and what's easy

2005-11-08T17:59:00.000-08:00

Well, nine (9) days to go before "Goblet of Fire" movie. I'm quite excited! Not that I'm not aware that it could take months before the movie "actually" got here. Look at "Revenge of the Sith". It opened on August, but the local theaters got it by June. One month later. Not too bad. I might have to settle for "pirated editions" for a while (er...just kidding?) I'm seeing it on the "big screen".

What else? "Bad mood" just passed. Thank goodness. I've been walking around for 2 days feeling very much "pissed off". At what, I couldn't really point out. It's "one of those days". But just this morning the "dark cloud" lifted. I'm quite sure it will be back sometime, but for now I'm "fine", not exactly happy but not "mad" either, which was more than I could hope for.

I could finally finish the other portraits, Dwayne Hicks in particular. The uniform was quite hard to do, as well as the background (guns and a grenade launcher). But I'm very satisfied about the way it was turning out. :D *grins* Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie) would probably take a long time to finish. But no hurrying, like I said before.

The picture on the above left's my latest Deviantart entry. see @ http://www.leiaskywalker83.deviantart.com - Harry Potter sporting his task garb.

always...The Hours

2005-11-01T18:23:00.000-08:00

Back from a long and "fruitful" vacation. I have finally made some definite progress with my technique, I've managed the figure out how to blend the skin tones quite perfectly. The trick it seems, was not the complete absence of lines - as I have thought earlier - but integrating them so well so that one does not stand out too prominently (thereby making your drawing more cartoonish than realistic). There's also something about the borders - people don't have "line borders" after all. I'm quite satisfied with my present work (Maximus from Gladiator was turning out better than I expected - looks like a photograph - , as well as a supremely detailed Angelina Jolie portrait - down to the sweat, the freckles, and yes, the pores, the technique was to do it inch by inch and without hurrying). I might achieve "photo realism" after all, without resorting to more expensive materials (the price of the bristol pencil set was, as expected, astronomical - i'm not too sure if I could manage to afford it, as of now.) I made a J-Lo portrait earlier (just to see if i could manage), but I committed it to the trash bin after a while, hardly seems worth the pencil.

I rented three movies for the holidays. "The Hours" (succeeding paragraphs),"Aishte Imasu" (quite a fine film, once you get past the squeamish-ness and the prejudice, you might actually enjoy it) and "Blood Work" (not too excited about this one, the "killer" thing was easy to spot coming from a mile away, but the fact that it HAS Clint Eastwood, makes up for all the "cons").

We also had the "spaghetti thing" in celebration of my brother's birthday (Oct. 30). I've gotten those Hellsing CDs at last - first six episodes - liked "Sword Dancer" the best, as well as "Innocent as a Human". Great musical score too (very "gothic" - haunting piano tunes and equally haunting vocals - they're more like "chants" actually - superimposed with/to angry guitars, always a nice combination). "Logos Naki World" - A world without logos, might also be translated as "a world without God" - mostly gibberish, but you get the "gist" after a while, is starting to grow on me - although I liked the ending theme "Shine" first). Japanese subtitles, the translations were not bad (at least they used "proper" english). Quite violent and with touches of black humour - NOT for everyone. I'm still missing 4 CDs (13 episodes - 7 cds). Can't wait to see "Master of Monster" (easily the best episode, or so I've read) ^__^

Right. Where was I?

I'm giving a "blurb" review of "The Hours" (recently added to my "favourite films" list).

W.t.F?! >.<

2005-10-26T20:46:00.000-07:00

I am EXTREMELY annoyed! And I have been for about three days in a row.

The first day was because..hmmm..can't remember much, probably lack of proper sleep, but I really can't be sure. I'm just..I don't know..feeling a bit "snappish".

The second day, it was because I waited in line for too long at the Centro Supermarket...ehem!..."express lane" counter... (i was on the verge of shouting, "Kindly remind me again WHY this is CALLED the EXPRESS LANE??!), because the cashier had some "trouble" with a certain product code or what not...and there were lots of "passing throughs", "asking questions" and "kindly wait". I ended up paying at another counter.. (the 20+ items or more type) and I got it a lot faster than the so-called express lane. That was a bit irrational of me, I must admit. Oh, and I remembered going into a store where the "sales people" behave like...yes...Trolls. My point was, WHY go into customer service if you can't handle it?? I for one, KNOW that I can't deal with too many people (because I have "quite a temper"). Therefore, I would NEVER go into customer service! I'd choose less "people" oriented or mostly solitary jobs (which was what I think I'd done). But no, these people are different. They'd be better off as sepulchers somewhere, I know. And what's up with sales people who insist on dogging your footsteps while you browse through?! I haven't found anything MORE annoying than that. "I will ask for your help when I need it, thank you. Now, kindly leave me in peace while I have a look around. Don't worry, I'm not a shop lifter or anything. Oh, and I can also read and think for myself -so you won't need to buzz around like a mosquito- what I don't know, I'll ask!" There are also sales people who cannot seem to answer with a concise "yes" or "no". They go "yes, and...blah, blah, blah" or "no, but...blah, blah, blah". And the more they blab, the more I lose interest in remotely buying anything. Mostly happens in clothing/accessory stores - yes, even in "brand" stores, but less frequent - I've lost interest in buying clothes sometime ago (the repeated "trying ons" and preening in the dressing room mirror was just not my "way"), these days I just give my size and ask my mother or a friend to get it for me. I'm not too "fussy" with clothes so...not much of a problem.

Hmmmm...what I'm about to say next may be somewhat related. I used to "watch" my cousin's mini-store in Sta. Rosa, Laguna (I was 15? 16?) The reason I got "kicked out" - but not really, because I had a bad case of head cold and nasal allergies - too much pollution - I decided to go home - was (maybe) because I was "too honest" with customers and yes, you've guessed it, I have a nasty temper when "provoked". There was one guy who kept asking "is this original?" (of course I was quite "nice" -or as nice as I can be at the be - at the beginning, I told him the sound was quite alright) - pertaining to a "pirated cd/tape" - and it was clear that he really wasn't going to buy anything, I replied with a very terse, "Obvious, isn't t?! If you're looking for original cd's go to either Oddessey or Radiocity!" That's when I learned my lesson. I won't get into customer service.

Besides, I only frequent (in person) stores like National Bookstore (no dogging, no blabbing, sales clerk stands like Buckingham Palace guards until you ask them something, no overly-solicitous and very fake looking smiles - just a simple "welcome" and "come back soon" was quite enough), BookSale and Odessey.

The third day (meaning today!) - back to the main topic - it was because of another customer "asking questions" again, but I have explained all the facts and principles to her months ago, very clearly! But as Hermione put it, her head seems to be "thicker than a concussed troll"! A little "technicality" won't kill you, I swear!

What we do in life echoes in eternity...

2005-10-24T02:53:00.000-07:00

Just finished Mary Jane Watson (image on the left, also found in my Online Gallery - http://www.leiaskywalker83.deviantart.com. I intended to do Lara Croft - an exceptionally detailed one, mind you), But I changed my mind. Instead, I'd draw Russell Crowe, as he appeared in the movie Gladiator - Maximus Decimus Meridius, what a name! If I'd be lucky to have a son, I'd name him exactly that. hehehe. - (watched it last night, two times.hehe.the ending's still a semi-tear jerker - the part where he finally goes to home would always get me. I wonder, where would I go? I have a very good idea).

I'd do Richard Harris next (as Emperor Marcus Aurelious) and maybe Connie Nielsen (as Lucilla), I'm not really sure if I'd include Joaquin Pheonix as Commodus (I find his character both pitiful and loathsome).

Harry Potter and The Confederacy of Dunces

2005-10-19T00:53:00.000-07:00

I found several Anti-Harry Potter (there's currently a campaign by "uber-christians" to ban Harry Potter merchandise because they allegedly promote paganism, witchcraft, and interest in the occult! - of course, ignoring all other more important values promoted in the book - such as loyalty, humility, friendship and courage in the face of dire circumstances) articles while surfing the net during lunch hour. Gave me loads of laugh and then some amount of irritation. Majority of the essays were downright mental! (most were written by so-called experts, pastors of various churches, "christian fundamentalists" as well as a bunch of self-righteous individuals/groups who think that any kind of departure from the so-called "norm" ought to be punishable by death...O_o) Literary rubbish to be sure (particularly a "novel" ^0^ written by one Michael D. O'Brien), although I did try to become "objective" in considering their arguments.

One of their strongest arguments was that too much exposure to the "evil that is Harry Potter" would thereby cause children to become enamored in the occult and "forget their christian roots" (which according to them is the source of all that is good - hmmm? has anyone heard of the Crusades?). Anyway, let's put it this way, I'm a videogamer and I play really violent games (Medal of Honour, Resident Evil, Silent Hill - shooting people and disturbing imagery's the norm in games like these). But do you see me shooting people in real life??

Open Mouth, Insert Foot! O_o

2005-10-17T22:58:00.000-07:00

Edit: I was right. He did see it at The Force. Net. :)

Just had a semi-embarassing incident concerning a fan mail (eh?! believe it or not, I have managed to garner so-called "fans" - I have recently received a set of CDs from a certain Jenny Kong from the US, a fellow DeviantArt-ist, although this was most likely due to the fact that we are both Full Metal Alchemist fans). Mainly from submitting art works to various websites like Phatooine.Net, DeviantArt.Com and IrkenEmpire.Com (Home of Star Wars Alternate Universe - in which I'm a regular illustrator). Maybe I'll quit and become a full-time illustrator instead. Fat chance, though. ;)

The "incident" started when I received an email from a guy called Eddie (he even sent me his photo - in full Colorado Army National Guard uniform - holding a combat rifle o_o), in which he told me how much he appreciates the emotional content of my work(s). "Very deep", he said (although for some reason I'm a bit perplexed by this description. Very deep? very deep??). At the same time, he also asked me if I could write back and explain the idea or ideas behind (inspiration, background, how it was done most likely) the work(s). So, I responded quite enthusiastically. I described my various works as he asked, telling him my personal insight. I clicked the "send" button and off the letter goes!

A few minutes later, I got a very confused response. Apparently he was talking about artworks which I have failed to mention in my email - in other words, it was entirely something else! - he says it was "the Amidala and Vader" picture (likely a digitally created montage), which I cannot remember making (I have submitted various stuff at the web and I can't seem to remember most of it nowadays, except for the ones at DA, Phat and IE). He must have seen it at TFN or Moons of Iego, or some site I can no longer recall! And there I was rambling on and on about "Goodnight Padme", "Skywalker Family" and "Young Anakin" portraits! hah! embarrassing...eeeeeeeeemmmmmbarrrassssing. :lol:

Excuse me while I go crawl under a rock where I belong. :D

Go to the right back alley...you can find anything.

2005-10-11T22:08:00.000-07:00

nothing much going on. be right back.

EDIT: Back, found this very interesting stuff on Reethinking Life followed the link from The Gil Mind.

7 things that used to scare me (btw, some of them still scare me):

sound of the power saw (chainsaw) - my number one fear. we used to live near a lumber owned land (Bay, Laguna), the sound of the chainsaw will cause me to climb the table or hide in any other area where i feel i'd be safe (there was an incident wherein i tried to climb my father's back!).
aswang/manananggal/freddy kreuger/jason voorhees/ - all sorts of fictional monsters, especially the "cha bun kwa" (w/c was actually the name of a lion in an old reader's digest issue) and the "sipay" (they kidnap young children, or so my parents say).
wells and deep, dark holes on the ground.
darkness (dark places)
failure
humiliation
certain kinds of people.

7 things that scare me now:

failure
losing my right hand (aka my drawing hand)
not being able to transform my thoughts into artworks (there are times when my creative juices run dry - i get intensely scared and frustrated)
getting very horrible injuries.
being bogged down by chronic depression/obssessive tendencies.
losing my mind.
not knowing my purpose

7 things i like the most:

books
sketch pads (all sorts of drawing paper), pencils, ink
video games (i'm a playstation addict - especially survival-horror and rpgs)
food
psychology, crime, the paranormal
witty jokes
music (can go from rock to classical)

7 random facts about me

I like spending a great deal of my time alone (especially when i'm working on something).
I'm often thought of as someone aloof, inconsiderate and even self-centered (i forget birthdays, forget to call or text my friends, and even forget to apologize etc.) But I bear no ill intentions, things just happen to slip from my mind. heh.
I like eating "viscera" or "entrails" (excluding human ones!) - I especially prefer the heart, brains and lungs.
I suffer from mild to severe mood swings and chronic absent-mindedness -here but not here-.
I hate overwhelming odours (perfumes, smoke) - although I happen to like the smell of gasoline and rugby! O_o
I like to read.
I like to drink vinegar (this i don't know why!)

7 important things in my bedroom: the bedroom, hmmm. but i sleep in the "sala" now.

my cabinet(s), where I store my various collections.
clothes (of course).
movie collection.
pencils & papers/sketch book(s) - (have to have one handy in case i get a sudden impulse to draw something!)
CD player/CDs
the playstation/game cds
books

7 things i plan to do before i die (seems too early for that): because according to www.deathclock.com i'm set to hit the grave on 2056. hehehe!

paint and draw (as many as i possibly can!) or illustrate a book.
actually finish a story (i've had lots of ideas but i run out of steam before i could actually come down to writing it! or i finish a couple of chapters but suddenly suffer from writer's block!) or publish a comic book.
visit transylvania, alcatraz, auschwitz (and all the nazi camps all over europe) and the holocaust memorial.
stabilize the family finances.
build a cabin/house on a remote, mountainous area. (this idea i had since i was a child - never lost it's appeal)
work on DreamWorks, Lucas Digital or Squaresoft (character designer, illustrator or even matte painter)
stay in a place found "between nowhere and goodbye" (if you've seen MDB, you'll know "where" that is!)

7 things i can do:

write
draw
cross stitch
cook
design websites
make comic books
walk long distances (something i happen to enjoy)

7 things i can't do

sing!
dance!
talk for long periods of time (that's why i prefer written communication).
interact with a large number of people (i get dizzy and disoriented after a while)
sit still for long (i'll stamp my feet and drum my fingers)
apologize (?) well, not really but it takes a great deal before i can, even if i'm the one who's wrong. but i'm working on it!
babysit for a long period of time (i tend to lose my patience).

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex

the IT factor (right attitude above all)
unusual face (could vary)
witty conversation
sense of humor
intellect
some special skill--cooking, playing an instrument, singing, dancing, whatever
integrity

7 things i say the most

lintek!
pucha!
sieteng unggoy!
naman!
naloko na!
why? or at bakit?
ano kayang problema (mo/nya/non/ko)?

Liquid Generation

2005-10-10T23:21:00.000-07:00

Just some really funny quiz results I got from Liquid Generation (http://liquidgeneration.com), quite an amusing site. Funny questions, funny results. :)

Which Movie Hero Are You?

Well, I happen to like Jack Sparrow. No complaints. I share some of his personality traits. Except the part of being a "motor-mouth" and I don't act like a stupid drunk (at least not in public!) As for the "sometimes smart", that's true. I get good ideas from time to time, but yes, I could do really stupid things (and you do not want to be near me when it happens), usually with near "apocalyptic" results. :D

The Ultimate Star Wars Personality Test

Not 100% true. For one thing, I don't have feathered hair and I'm not very sure I have a good heart (well, i'm not inclined to murder anybody, so i guess that's a sign).

some random randomness

2005-10-06T22:18:00.000-07:00

the headache does not want to go away. sometimes, i think i might have brain tumor or something. but wait, the ache isn't tumor-like, not sharp, more of a constant dull ache at the back of my head and behind my eyes.

what else? i am also broke. hehehe. not a cent on my pocket. i walked all the way from my house to the office. not that it bothers me a lot, i'm used to walking long distances (did it a lot during my elementary and high school days), even during rainy seasons. speaking of rainy seasons, i suddenly remembered staying on the park with friends during a signal no. 2 storm. teh. trees swingin' in the breeze(!) my friend has a bit of a family misunderstanding and does not want -resolutely- to go home. me and my bestfriend are very reluctant to leave him (can't just leave a guy in the middle of a storm, can you?)...so we stayed and the three of us ate home made "siomai" while giving each other bits of bad advice! :)

heh. another thing, sometimes i feel like g.i. jane. my bestfriend during elementary was a guy. during high school most of my peers were guys (although my bestfriend was a girl - who was more like a little sister because she was terribly immature - in fact, i cannot think of a single reason why i hung out with her! - * must have my head examined*), and during fourth year (i transferred), i'm part of the Bioman clique (three guys, two girls). anyway, guys make better friends than girls, in my opinion. they mean what they say, you'd rarely get duplicity from them (i don't know, maybe the fact that i was raised by my father -mostly- and that i had one other sibling -brother-was a contributing factor) and easier to talk to. of course i had women (and gay) friends as well, but they're a lot like me, sort of the "ellen ripley/lara croft" type. can't be helped.

it's saturday tomorrow, i'm going to sleep till noon. wah! and maybe work on my drawing techniques after a while. ah...

Flippant Quote of the Day: "Never go to bed angry, always stay up and plot your revenge!" - Anon. :D

New Works

2005-10-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

Mary Jane Watson WIP

John Hartigan - Sin City
see also @ http://www.leiaskywalker83.deviantart.com

(materials - ordinary sketch paper, 4B, 6B, B, H, Mongol)

Perhaps, when I perfected the technique I might move to more unconventional portraits. Just to widen my range.

Resident Evil : A New Blood

2005-10-04T23:45:00.000-07:00

Another sleepy little town, things were not what they seem to be.

Not good. Not good, If somebody's trying to cut your neck off!
Resident Evil 4 Screenshots

Haven't gotten around to playing the new Resident Evil 4. Graphics were topnotch, game play's superb. I love the atmosphere. Dark and brooding. They brought Leon Scott Kennedy back, Umbrella's gone underground. Another good thing. Hope I'll have time.

I'm a bit depressed today. Don't know why.

Anyway, the world seems a bit closer to Resident Evil when I'm depressed. Another generally bad day. A splitting headache....ach. Lack of sleep...prime reason?? I have not been sleeping good lately. I wake up during the wee hours of the morning and can't sleep again. Can't think of anything else to say...

"Million Dollar Baby" - Big Girls Don't Cry

2005-09-30T21:54:00.000-07:00

"All right. I'm gonna disconnect your air machine, then you're gonna go to sleep. Then I'll give you a shot, and you'll... stay asleep. Mo cuishle means "My darling, my blood." "
Frank to Maggie (last heart rending scene)

Rented "Million Dollar Baby" last night. Turned out to be a real jewel. The film "explains" why it got Four (4) - Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actress, and Best Supporting Actor- Academy Awards.

So I'll attempt to write a review. Attempt, because usually, my so-called reviews turn out to be "blurbs" and "disjointed" thoughts. Whatever. Here goes nothing.

Rating: 4 stars out of 4

Cast:
Clint Eastwood, Hilary Swank and Morgan Freeman
Directed by Clint Eastwood

Synopsis: (yahoomovies)
In the wake of a painful estrangement from his daughter, boxing trainer Frankie Dunn has been unwilling to let himself get close to anyone for a very long time--then Maggie Fitzgerald walks into his gym. In a life of constant struggle, Maggie's gotten herself this far on raw talent, unshakable focus and a tremendous force of will. But more than anything, she wants someone to believe in her. The last thing Frankie needs is that kind of responsibility-- let alone that kind of risk--but won over by Maggie's sheer determination, he begrudgingly agrees to take her on. In turns exasperating and inspiring each other, the two come to discover that they share a common spirit that transcends the pain and loss of their pasts, and they find in each other a sense of family they lost long ago. Yet, they both face a battle that will demand more heart and courage than any they've ever known.

Review: (got spoilers)

I thought I'd be watching just another "boxing movie". You know how it is, rookie trains, loses, gets hurt, recovers, makes a comeback, kicks the rival's ass, gets the girl and everybody comes out happy. If you've seen all the Rocky Movies, you definitely know what I'm talking about. Call it Rocky-female-version. But I was wrong. Dead wrong. And I'm happy about it. :)

"I don't train girls.", that's what Frank "Frankie" Dunn (Clint Eastwood) told Margaret "Maggie" Fitzgerald when the latter asked if the veteran boxing trainor could take her under his wing. But Maggie's dogged determination eventually won him over (she comes to the gym everyday - because she paid 6 months of membership Frank can't just toss her away- , practices even if Frank and everyone else just mostly ignore her.) Maggie comes from a poor white trash background, she works as a waitress during the day to support herself (her family by the way, was a bunch of parasites - her mother, brother, and sister were all Welfare dependent freaks with very repulsive attitudes - very evident when Maggie was paralyzed, - her mother once told her "everybody talks about what you do -being a woman boxer- and they laugh. Go find yourself a man. Live proper." Live proper! Ha!). She's a very determined person - took to eating customer leftovers to save what meager income she has.

Frank on the other hand is, at first glance, an abrasive, grouchy and generally unpleasant man (given to bouts of sarcasm ad pessimism). He goes to church every week - yet does nothing but argue with the priest about wether or not God exists.heh. He' also estranged from his daughter (he writes her, but the letters always come back everytime.) But of course there is more to Frank than meets the eye. (again evident when Maggie was paralyzed - from the neck down- after the championship fight and the way he treats her even before the incident - very sweet -.)

Anyway, like I said, Frank finally agrees to train Maggie , after much persuation from various sources - most notably Eddie "Scrap-Iron" Dupris (Morgan Freeman), former boxing champ-now Gym maintenance after losing his eye on a fight - then left to rot away by his manager. Frank's friend and "conscience" .

Maggie and Frank had a father-daughter, mentor-student relationship.

...to be continued...

+ Journey into the Grey Heavens +

2005-09-28T02:16:00.000-07:00

Lay down your sweet and weary head.

Night is falling. You’ve come to journey's end.

Sleep now and dream of the ones who came before.

They are calling from across the distant shore...

..Hope fades into the world of night.

Through shadows falling out of memory and time.

..And all will turn to silver glass.

A light on the water, all souls pass...

..The ships have come to carry you home.

Grey ships pass into the west...

-Into the West

(Annie Lennox )

the return of the king

Some Random Jabs and The "Randal Graves" Decision

2005-09-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

Music: FITHOS LUSEC WECOS VINOSEC - Final Fantasy VIII OSTAsphodel - memorial sorrow; my regrets follow you to the grave.

I have decided to adopt the life view of Randal Graves (some of his life views anyway, excluding the more "extreme" ones), in light of recent experiences. I have decided to never again set foot on "Klendathu" where "bugs" abound. I bet even veteran MI Johnny Rico (and friends) will have trouble taking these guys out. (feh!)

I was just thinking, and I've been thinking about this for a very long time; what if I decided to just forgo all my "worldly" responsibilities and concentrate on my creative talents, like perhaps, Vincent Van Gogh or reclusive poet Emily Dickenson? What if I stopped going to work or paying my bills? Paint and draw non-stop instead, like I've always wanted? What if I decided to "break" these "chains" and be free?? Perhaps only then would I be truly happy? Maybe. I believe so.

....But I could have told you Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you...

Anyway, it's always back to "reality" (however dreadful it may be).

I'm in a bad disposition today, courtesy of the "Velociraptor".

Your Journey Terminates Here

Might see a movie next Saturday. Creep, starring Franka Potente - now showing -. Just a generic slasher flick, but...the hell.

"Liberi Fatali" and other thoughts

2005-09-23T21:23:00.000-07:00

Music: "Vide Cor Meum" - Hannibal OST

"...Lowlifes."

"...Shameless filthy wretches."

"How you celebrate my ascension with such joy."

"Hailing the very one whom you have condemned for generations."

"Have you no shame?"

"What happened to the evil, ruthless sorceress from your fantasies?"

"The cold-blooded tyrant that slaughtered countless men and destroyed many nations?"

"Where is she now?"

"She stands before your very eyes to become your new ruler.

Sorceress Edea (Ultimecia) - Final Fantasy VIII

-during her ascencion speech on Deling City, Galbadia-

I miss FFVIII. Might play tomorrow. Haven't played the game for eons. Complex gameplay and story. The speech above was one of my most favourite lines during the game, demonstrates the danger of extreme "collectivism" and the general stupidity of the "mob" -otherwise known as the citizens of Galbadia - (they were cheering the whole time, seemingly unaware that they had just been insulted! - it's like "The Emperor's New Clothes" -)

What else? I must look very old. Because I have been referred to as "ma'am" and "po" by tricycle drivers, salesclerks, and the like. It happened again this morning. teh! Not that I am complaining too much, just a random observation. It's a bit funny.

And what's more, I have also been called "Sir" on several occasions. It gets irritating at times. (reminded me of Tilda Swinson's experience - she had been searched in the airport by a male security guard and addressed as "Sir" many times, which she attributes to her not wearing much make-up and presumably not dressing like a "proper lady", not to mention being extra tall). But like Tilda, I have no plans to change anything for their benefit. I'm comfortable this way.

+ Estelio han, Estelio han, Estelio veleth +

2005-09-22T19:20:00.000-07:00

Arwen Evenstar Portrait
(as played by Liv Tyler)

By Ayo M.R (moi!)

Ú i vethed nâ i onnad
Si boe ú-dhanna
Ae ú-esteli, esteliach nad
Nâ boe ú i
Estelio han, estelio han, estelio
Estelio han, estelio veleth

"Evenstar" by Howard Shore
(in Sindarin)

Music: "Liberi Fatali" - Nobuo Uematsu - Final Fantasy VIII OST
(via Professor X's PC...tehehehe!)

Feeling very lethargic today.
Woke up at 7:00. And fell asleep again.
I feel like sleeping. That or bashing my head against the computer screen.

I want to go home to Middle Earth. heh. I want vast open fields, unspoilt forests, free environs...every time I read/watch LotR, I get homesick for reasons I can't explain.

WAAAH! I forgot to get my drawing book at Data Exchange!! I have to go and retrieve it tomorrow. (Saturday) *sigh*

The Blessed Nuttiness; That Fine Madness

2005-09-21T19:29:00.000-07:00

The creator lives for his work. He needs no other men. His primary goal is within himself. ... The basic need of the creator is independence.

The reasoning mind cannot work under any form of compulsion. It cannot be curbed, sacrificed or subordinated to any consideration whatsoever. It demands total independence in function and in motive. To a creator, all relations with men are secondary.

Howard Roark in The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand

Let us remember that only dead fish swim with the stream.

Be Absurd. Be Very Absurd. (tehehehe!)

On Eccentricity. I have long considered myself to be an 'eccentric' person. And a number of people have often described me as such. When I was younger, it really used to bother me. A lot. To the point that I even tried to 'normalize' myself. But I soon found out that denying my natural 'weirdness' made me extremely miserable. Must be the root of my, sort of,chronic depression.

I found myself to be slightly more 'advance' than my peers during elementary & high school. There's this teacher I had in Grade V who made it her hobby to lambast me for NOT being talkative or "friendly" ( I have four or five inner circle friends but most certainly not a FanClub). I used to just sit in a corner and read (or draw) or my fifth favourite activity "people watching". I like observing people, not interacting with them, just observing. And that, according to my dunce of a teacher, is not a "good" thing. Plus, I'm not really all into girly things, sure I played with dolls for a while (not for a very long time- got me bored), but I also like "baril-barilan" and robots. I'm a child of Shaider, Voltes V (re-runs), Ultraman, Magmanan, Masked Rider Black and "Maskuman" (music please - ..."matatag taga-pagtanggol ng inaapi...nahahandang mag-alay ng buhay...ang maskuman tanod ng kapayapaan...dapat nating tularan ang kagitingan, Laser Squadron Maskuman! Maskuman!) There! I still remember the tagalog lyrics of "Ai No Soldier". hehehehe....That's where I found my first kick-ass women idols (I liked Yellow Mask and Princess/Prince Igamu and Ani). Women who refused to be merely "eye-candy". They have spunk, intelligence and independence, and most of all, they couldn't care less about what other people would think. I admire women "warriors", they don't stand behind, but fight alongside men. No damsels-in-distress and not shrinking violets. A Brief List:

Eowyn, Shieldmaiden of Rohan (The Lord of The Rings)
Xena, Warrior Princess
Joan of Arc (I liked the portrayal of Joan on Luc Besson's "The Messenger")
Morgan Le Fey (Arthurian Legends)
Galadriel (The Lord of the Rings)
Arwen Evenstar (The Lord of the Rings - more on movie version)
(Sir) Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing (Hellsing) - oh yes, she's a woman but she's also a Knight.
Sidney Bristow (Alias)
Padme Amidala, Leia Organa - both Senators, diplomats and warriors (Star Wars Trilogies)
Jedi Knights Aayala Secura, Siri Tachi etc.. (Star Wars Trilogies)
Mara Jade-Skywalker - Emperor's Hand and later accomplished Jedi Knight - (Star Wars Expanded Universe)
Jane Eyre ("Jane Eyre" by Charlotte Bronte)
Dr. Aki Ross (Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within)
B'Elanna Torres, Captain Kathryn Janeway (Star Trek: Voyager)
Jessica Zafra (heh! one of my favourite writers, soon to be dominatrix of the universe!)

Anyway, back to my classroom experiences, incidents like that continued to occur during my school years.
And throughout my 20+ years of existence. But I was glad to have met like-minded individuals too. What I appreciated about them was that they never, not once, judged me. We, I would dare say, are proud to be who we are, bittersweet, with lots of nuts. :)

I remembered that line from JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings (pertaining to Eowyn) - book version-

“My friend, you had horses, and deeds of arms, and the free fields; but she, born in the body of a maid, had a spirit and courage at least the match of yours......But who knows what she spoke to the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches of the night, when all her life seemed shrinking, and the walls of her bower closing in about her, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?”
- Gandalf to Eomer

On Creativity and "Treatment":

"I want to keep those sufferings," said expressionist artist Edvard Munch. When told he could end his cycle of psychiatric hospitalizations with available treatment, he replied that emotional torments "are part of me and my art. They are indistinguishable from me, and it would destroy my art." (11). As Jamison points out, many creative people are reluctant to be transformed by psychiatric treatment into "normal, well-adjusted, dampened, and bloodless souls" no longer moved to create.

From Creativity and Irrational Forces: Eccentric Artists and Mad Scientists by Laura Gosselink

Random Stuff I like:

Paranormal/Mysteries of the Unkown/Human Engineering (Atlantis/Human Experimentation/Human Genetic Engineering/Lost Civilizations/Quantum Physics - especially the nature of time - Time Travel)
Crime/Horror/Epic Stories
FrenchFries (severely addicted)
Exploring "nature Vs. nurture"
Psychology (various theories of human behaviour are endlessly fascinating)
Sci-Fi
Videogames (RPGs/Survival-Horror)
Death (*shrug*) - nature, implications, images
High Fantasy (you know, Dungeons and Dragons, witches and wizards)
H.R. Giger/Luis Royo
Darkness and the Nature of "Evil" (and the grey areas in between)
Iced Tea (heh!)
Classical/Rock Music
Vincent Van Gogh
Stephen King
Androgyny (I consider myself psychologically androgynous -and maybe physically too - I'm not a "girly" girl, wait, I have nothing against women/men who like to dress glamourously, I like looking and appreciating them - I just don't like the whole "dressing" up thing. It makes me feel "caged" - the reason I despise the uniform- In short, I like designing clothes, but not wearing them. I find having the characteristics and thinking patterns of both genders very beneficial - especially if you have to write stories.)
Unusual faces.
"Sisig", "Paa-ng-Manok" and "Bopis".
Coffee. (Black. Very Black)
"Bato" of Balut. (heh!)
Books
Star Wars/ Star Trek
Tori Amos
Knives/Swords/Guns/Artifacts/stuffed animals -taxidermy-/war masks (I'd like to have a collection when I'm financially capable - heh!)

Random Stuff I Don't Like:

Too much noise.
"Meaningless" (definition may vary) conversations.
Sheep masquerading as people (individuals who are not individuals)
People touching my head or any part of my face (my parents included).This is enough to warrant a fit of rage.
People touching me without my permission (especially people I don't know), gets me extremely irritated. I'm not the huggy type.
Touching and "barrowing" my things (works/collection) without permission. I am very particular with this. Anyone who attemps this will see "Hell".
Tinapa
The crowding of my "personal space" (which is very wide). That's why I hate crowds. Any place with a high concentration of people (such as concerts, parties and meetings) I try to avoid. Umm..I also do not like sharing the table when eating, if it was possible (just with people I'm comfortable with). Being with a large number of people leaves me feeling "zapped", tired and put out.
Bananas. I abhore bananas.
Telenovelas/Soap Operas. (I consider them "trash", sorry to say)
The color pink.
Overwhelming odours (never had a liking for perfumes and such, irritates my nose).
Make-up.

sketchy thoughts

2005-09-20T23:27:00.000-07:00

"So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause."
Padme Amidala-Skywalker
Revenge of the Sith

My father found my "Panthograph" today! (been looking for it since high school; turned up under the old cabinet) Yey! Although I don't use it very often. Only when drawing two or more figures. I consider it "cheating" to simply trace the figures when drawing a portrait. :)

Decided to re-sketch the Padme-Rasta-Peacock gown. I'm on my 6th sketch! Gets a bit frustrating. But, I'm in a relatively good mood today, so, I think I got it right this time (hopefully). ;) The picture I'm talking about by the way, is a variation of the image above, very tricky shot. And the headress takes a lot of work. Added a "twin suns" background, too.

I bought a chocolate from the canteen today. Bella Chocolate. Horrendous taste! A waste of money.

+ The Principle of Equivalent Exchange +

2005-09-19T18:11:00.000-07:00

"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of equivalent exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth." - Alphonse Elric (Full Metal Alchemist)

Bah! How true!

In connection to the above statement, I have finally acquired the PC memory I've been asking about for about...uh...10 years. :0 But I've lost my Operating System (Win ME), I am now using Ubuntu (Linux For Dinosaurs -and Cave Men-).Bad, Savvy?

Anyway, I didn't go to work yesterday (Monday). I'm "sick". Right. I slept most of the day, and made some sketches (Amidala). It's a habit. I like "sleeping my problems away", for a while, before I seriously start finding solutions. It relieves the stress. Most of the time.

I still have the Ateneo Alumni website to work on. But I've got tons of related problems regarding my OS.

No. Seriously. I don't feel like going to work today. What I want to do, is sleep like Rip Van Winkle (for a hundred years). Hey, I wonder what my parents would do if started dragging my feet?

I'm tired. I feel tired almost all the time. Not to mention being increasingly put out day after day. Sometimes, I get the impression that my brains are coming off the top of my head. It's as if I'm "running on empty." In short, I feel like sh*t. What else? I have a migrane. typical.

I did Amidala (peacock/rasta-stargate gown) yesterday, as I have mentioned earlier. I had to revise the portrait twice, since her face was at a rather tricky angle. As it turned out, third time's a charm. I'm concentrating more on "sub-realism". I want that photographic,"grainy-look" perfected. I'll try to look for bristoll pencils, blending sticks and a larger sketch pad the next time I visit the National Bookstore.

I have worn the dreaded uniform today. Very itchy. Feels like thousand needles pricking the skin. But of course, you can't expect anyone to understand that.

You would think...of all the worst possible...predicaments?

2005-09-16T03:16:00.000-07:00

"Not a pretty sight. All in His name."

Music: What music?! I've lost all my mp3 files! (along with my web projects, my other files) Well, not technically, they're still there. But what in tarnation?! They can't be accessed! So what's the use??? Thanks to that #@#$%! Ubuntu System!

This is my first double post. As I am totally pissed! Well, I suppose being 'pissed' would not change anything, eh? I have asked a few online friends for assistance. Maybe Teg or Sarc or Lord Tuvitor could help.

+ Welcome back, Ms. Anderson. We missed you. +

2005-09-15T18:06:00.000-07:00

"They're laying it on a bit thick, aren't they?"

Ah. The flippant mood seemed to have passed over. My two previous posts were leaden with an obvious amount of flippancy. As it would seem, I have no other choice but to follow the company procedures (I mean, technically, I do have a choice and that is "shape up or ship out" - but "ship out" isn't exactly what you would call a palatable "choice", is it?

Well, I suppose I could er...resign and work in a factory somewhere. I practically "aced" all the AMCOR tests including the interview (no kidding). There were 60 applicants and only three of us got through. I even trained for day (that was in AMCOR Paranaque), but I could not stand the "factory atmosphere", where people were treated and herded like machines (plus I could not bear the noise during lunch hour and sitting next to an imbecile talking about the latest "kilig" movie *eyes roll*). Places where individuality and free will were killed was something I am sure to loath. So, rather than accepting a job that has obviously higher benefits, in monetary terms (which really I couldn't care for much - the reason I often get lambasted at home - because I'm not a money person), I chose this job as a Web Developer because I think that it's where I would be able to use (and hopefully improve) my 'talents'. Being able to "create" something (no matter how minute) cancels out all other rewards (monetary included), but of course it would be much better if you could have both. :)

Actually, I consider this a "training ground". Perhaps one day (not far from now, as I have several other prospects), I would be able to work at companies like "Lucas Digital" or maybe "Dreamworks" or "Pixar" or "SquareSoft" (specializing mainly in computer graphics/character design - I believe I have the talent and the imagination). That's my ultimate dream, you know. Companies like those have the right atmosphere for people like myself (allowing creatives to dress - none of those coffin-wear formal uniforms - and decorate their "offices"/"cubicles" as they please). Of course to do that I must first leave the Philippines (like rats to a sinking ship :lol:), and that is a near possiblity *winks* I'm working on steadily. You could not imagine the happiness an artist feels when he/she sees his/her creation come to "life" or fruition. Better than anything, really.

So for now, I'm playing their game. ;) I'm having that itchy uniform tailored next week, when I get a cash advance (hopefully), along with repairs to our leaky roof (it's practically flooding in our house everytime it rains).

+ Why, Ms. Anderson? Why? +

2005-09-14T21:52:00.000-07:00

Background Music: "See You Space Cowboy" - Mai Yamane
(Cowboy Bebop OST)

Rather dreary weather, making my disposition "dreary" as well.But...no. Not really.

My brother's selling our Playstation 1. I'm going to miss Squall, Quistis, Selphie, Zell, Matron Edea, Zidane...and The Garden, Fisherman's Horizon,Winhill...Lindblum (gets misty eyed).

Finished Arwen Undomiel. I carried the sketch book through the rain. lol. Will have it scanned maybe tomorrow (Friday).

I've had backaches since yesterday....ugh!
And suffering from a generally bad mood. Why? (*shrugs*)

And this is bad compared to the famine in Sudan and Somalia? Or the suicide bombings in Israel and Iraq?
(*cracks up*)

Agent Squirt: Why, Ms. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why not just be another unthinking drone? Why continue asserting your individuality? Why keep resisting? Why be a hard-headed bastard? Excuse the profanity, please.

You must be able to see it, Ms. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep resisting. Why, Ms. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?

Ms. Anderson: I'm a hard-headed bastard? Sorry, wasn't aware. Just got back from Mars. (*cracks up*)

That was from the opening scene of "Attack of the Stepford Employees". (lol - *cracks up*)

+ You have a problem with authority, Ms. Anderson. +

2005-09-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

Background Music: "The Battle of the Heroes" by John Williams (RotS OST)
Current Mood: rather "sheep-ish"

Next Attraction: Attack of the Stepford Employees

"We are the Corp. Resistance is Futile."

Received "memo" because of:

Failure to attend regular monthly meetings.
Failure to attend weekly flag ceremony.
Not wearing the prescribed company uniform (gets kinda itchy, you know..). :p

"Subsequent offense will merit appropriate disciplinary action."

So, what's it gonna be then, eh? - Alex DeLarge (A Clockwork Orange)

+The Anti-Hero's Dilemma+

2005-09-11T20:45:00.000-07:00

Music: "Kesenai Tsumi" (Indelible Sin) - Nana Kitade
(Full Metal Alchemist)

Just some random thought that has been plaguing my mind since Saturday.

I practically grew up with books, all sorts of books, actually.Comic books feature quite prominently in this particular bit of "recollection". My father used to sell them (along with Time and Newsweek) when I was in elementary (and briefly during my high school years). Anyway, we (my brother & I) would open them (very carefully, and most of the time without my father's permission)before they were sent to subscribers and I would daresay that we learned quite a few things from them (and they are NOT "trash" as some literary snobs would claim).

My most favourite titles include Wolverine (Marvel), The Uncanny X-Men (Marvel), The Amazing Spiderman (Marvel), Avengers (Marvel), Ghost Rider (Marvel), Midnight Sons (series usually featuring Vengeance, The Caretaker, Ghost Rider and a fourth one I cannot remember), X-Force, X-Factor, Cable, Fantastic Four, The Silver Surfer (Marvel), Legends of the Dark Knight (DC), Batman (DC), Superman, Justice League (DC), The Flash (DC) as well as some titles from Dark Horse and Image. Oh, and "Eclipso"...that infinitely psychotic comic about a homicidal spirit from the dark side of the moon, who "possess" a chosen individual to do his decidedly gruesome work (dynamic story and neat artwork too!)

The point was that most western books (and japanese manga) usually feature anti-heroes or "flawed" heroes (in this respect we learned that people are multi-layered and complex, well, at least some people are!*smirk*) This is even more evident in Japanese manga (I believe the Western books followed suit - most of their characters 1960-ish were bland and one-dimensional - I remember watching Captain America and Fantastic Four re-runs on ABC - ugh!). So, how do we "define" anti-heroes? And what makes them so compelling? And why do I prefer them to the "Traditional Hero"?

According to Wikipedia:

In literature and film, an anti-hero is a central or supporting character that has some of the personality flaws traditionally assigned to villains or un-heroic people, but nonetheless also has enough heroic qualities, intentions, or type of strength to gain the sympathy of readers or viewers. Anti-heroes can be awkward, obnoxious, passive, pitiful, obtuse, or even normal; But they are always, in some fundamental way, flawed, unqualified, or failed heroes. Comic books feature anti-heroes (also known as "dark heroes") who are characters fighting for the side of good, but either with some tragic flaw (such as a tormented past), fighting for reasons that are not entirely altruistic (they may fight a villain due to a grudge or some other selfish motivation, with little or no regard for typical "heroic" motives), a non heroic character who is not evil, nor are they good, but find themselves fighting on the side of good due to circumstance, or a hero using questionable means to reach their goals. A good working definition of the anti-hero is a paradoxical character that is, within the context of a story, a hero but in another context could easily be seen as a villain, simply as unlikable, a normal person or coward.

The concept of the anti-hero is as old as literature itself with the main character of the Iliad, Achilles being a strong anti-hero. The presence of anti-heroes has blossomed recently, as there is a tendency of modern authors to present villains as complex, even sympathetic, characters whose motivations are not inherently evil and sometimes even good. The line, therefore, between an anti-hero and a villain is sometimes not clear.

Types

One type of anti-hero feels helpless, distrusts conventional values and is often unable to commit to any ideals, but they accept and often relish their status as outsiders. The cyberpunk genre makes extensive use of this character-type.

Another type of anti-hero is a character who constantly moves from one disappointment in their lives to the next, without end, with only occasional and fleeting successes. But they persist and even attain a form of heroic success by steadfastly never giving up or changing their goals. These characters often keep a deep-seated optimism that one day, they will succeed. But in the end they still meet the ultimate fate of a traditional villain, failure.

A third type of anti-hero is an individual with the same end goals as a traditional hero, but for whom "the ends justify the means." This character type is popular in comic books: for example by day Matt Murdock seeks to bring evil-doers to justice as a lawyer. But when the judicial system fails, he dons a mask and instead exacts revenge as Daredevil.

Examples (my own - although you can find plenty at Wiki):

Film & Television:

Shinomori Aoshi, Saito Hajime and to a different extent, Himura Kenshin (Rurouni Kenshin)
Zechs Merquise, Heero Yuy (Mobile War Chronicle Gundam Wing)
Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs, Red Dragon, Hannibal)
Angel (Angel Series)
Prince Igamu (Hikari Sentai Maskman)
Amuro Ray and to a different extent Char Aznable (MS Gundam)
Edward Elric, Roy Mustang (Full Metal Alchemist)
Killua Zaoldyeck, Leorio, Kurapika and to a different extent Lucifer Quoll, Ilumi Zaoldyeck and Hyskoa (HunterXHunter)
Spike Spiegel, Faye Valentine (Cowboy Bebop)
Sgt. Todd (Soldier)
Hellboy (Hellboy)
John Constantine (Constantine)
Spawn (Spawn)
Magneto (X-Men Movies)
Han Solo and to a different extent, Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader (Star Wars Trilogies)
Seven-of-Nine and to a different extent, Q (Star Trek)
Sol Zagato (Magic Knight Rayearth)
Ashram, the Black Knight and to a different extent Karla, the Grey Witch (The Record of Lodoss War)
Folken Fanel (Vision of Escaflowne)
Nathan Algren (The Last Samurai)
Shinji Ikari and to a different extent, Gendou Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion)
Major Motoko Kusanagi (Ghost In the Shell)
Fujimiya Aya, Koduo Yoji (Weiss Kreuz)
Edward Scissorhands
Riddick (Pitch Black/Chronicles of Riddick)
Nicholas Wolfwood (Trigun)
Alucard and to a different extent, Integral Wingates Hellsing (Hellsing)

Literature (assorted):

Alex (A Clockwork Orange) - Anthony Burgess
Lestat de Lioncourt (The Vampire Chronicles) - Anne Rice
Severus Snape (Harry Potter Books) - J.K. Rowling
The Last Gunslinger (Dark Tower Series) - Stephen King
Oskar Schindler (Schindler's List) - Thomas Keneally (non-fiction)
Dracula (Dracula) - Bram Stoker
Stevens (The Remains of the Day) - Kazuo Ishiguro
Nakago/Ayuru Gi (Seiran Den) - Watase Yu
Eric Stahl (A Cold Heart) - Jonathan Kellerman
Gollum (The Lord of theRings) - J.R.R. Tolkien
Dan Ketch/Ghost Rider - Ghost Rider Comics (Marvel)
Frank Castle/The Punisher - The Punisher Comics (Marvel)
Jean-Paul Valley/Azrael - Azrael, the Avenging Angel Comics (DC)
John Constantine - Hellblazer Comics (DC Vertigo)

Games:

Squall Leonhart and to a different extent, Edea Kramer (Final Fantasy VIII)
Zidane Tribal and to a different extent, Kuja (Final Fantasy IX)
Vincent Valentine and to a different extent, Sephiroth (Final Fantasy VII)
Kyle Madigan (Parasite Eve II)

+According to...I'm Reserved+

2005-09-09T00:04:00.000-07:00

Background Music: "Pet Sematary" by The Ramones

I take Personality Tests once in a while. I'm very interested in psychology and read a lot of Jung and Freud. Although I prefer Jung (especially his "archtypes" theory), Freud gets a bit "irrational". Anyway, I found this at CultureCity.org. Quite interesting.

Your personality type is RCUEI

You are reserved, moderately calm, unstructured, moderately egocentric, and intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.

The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Reno, Tucson, New Orleans, Norfolk, Austin, Washington DC, Albuquerque/Santa Fe, Portland/Salem, Greenville/Spartanburg, Minneapolis, Denver, St. Louis and these international countries/regions Iceland, Greece, Argentina, Czech Republic, Belgium, Kazakhstan, Poland, Netherlands, Spain, Croatia, Sweden, Slovenia, Norway, Hungary, Indonesia

What Places In The World Match Your Personality?

Here's what they say about the Reserved Personality Type:
- my comments in the "( )" -

outsider
does not fit in most places (the square pegs on round holes, anything new?)
does not mind going days without speaking to people (so very true, as long as I have a good book to read or an artwork to finish, or anything I am "obsessed" with)
does not like night life and crowds (right, crowds make me dizzy)
not self expressive (well, yeah... I am aware about how I feel, I just don't see the point in disclosing it to people I don't give a rat's ass about.)
spends more time in solitary activity than group activity (yeah...er...true)
does not compete for the spotlight (I'd rather be the "power-behind-the-throne"...much more fun)
fears getting involved with others
not seductive (and what, pray tell, would be the point??)
dresses to avoid standing out
not impulsive (not true for me, I get very impulsive at times)
loner
female introverts tend not to like wearing makeup
does not enjoy leadership (depends on the type of leadership, I'd rather be the "King-Maker" than the King himself...ever heard of "The Puppet Master"?)
not very sexual
more likely to be nerdy (lol)
prefers loose fitting clothing
inhibited
suspicious (eyes dart)
tattoo averse
unmotivated (not so for me, you'll never be able to do anything at all...er..)
can't do anything when they don't feel good (a bit true, I'm very sloppy when depressed, hyper when obssessed)
has trouble speaking when emotional (yeah, I prefer pulling punches than yelling, although I yell from time to time - very tiring afterwards)
dislikes compliments (depends on the giver's sincerity)
desires security and support
does not like accepting help
more visual than verbal (so true)
does not want to be famous (not really, depends on what I'll be famous for)
likes science fiction (right on! - "reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction." - lol)
prefers to stick with things they know
not traditional

Mostly true for me. :)

+ The Un-usual Things +

2005-09-07T23:28:00.000-07:00

Background Music: "Evenstar" by Howard Shore

The lyrics to The Ramones' Pet Sematary keeps getting stuck in my head. Especially the chorus, which goes like this: "I don't want to be buried in a pet sematary. I don't want to live my life again." I know I've heard them somewhere. I just couldn't remember where!

I've been sleep-talking again last night. And as usual, I was in a state of "displeasure". My mother said I was talking very rapidly, so it was impossible for her to catch what I was saying. All she knows for sure was that I'm stark-raving mad. Funny thing was I could NOT recall having a dream. Maybe I should keep a tape recorder beside me. Just in case, so I can finally figure out what the hell was I talking about!

Moving on. I have started another project last night. While watching the news (the impeachment complaint was "trashed" etc. - it's getting really tiring. And especially annoying when the politicians would say "ang gusto ng sambayanan..." -what the people want-....as if they really care. What the people WANT was to put food on the table, send their kids to school...not another "EDSA"...what were the elections for anyway?! - maybe I'm being naive...but, the hell. Those were the very same politicians who drive luxury cars and live in gigantic mansions -most of them anyway.)

*Clears throat*. As I have said. I started another project. I had this compulsion to draw something new. In this case, Arwen from The Lord of the Rings. Even though I've got other unfinished drawings. Let's see, my works in progress include:

John Hartigan (Sin City) as played by Bruce Willis - got the face and half the coat, which is mostly black. The hard part was the background, which consists of raindrops and some buildings. The atmosphere was generally dark, which I love, but unfortunately takes a lot of patience to finish. But I will, look at Nancy Callahan - although I made some adjustments on the background.
Asuka Langley Sohryou (NGE) - Got the face and half the hair (right side only). Her hair was pretty detailed as my reference picture was Yoshiyuki Sadamoto's (love his drawings to no end). But still the easiest. She's an anime character.
Anakin Skywalker (RotS) - Will finish this eventually. I'm stalling because the hair (again) was such a pain to draw, as well as the Jedi attire.
Edward Scissorhands & Kim Bogs - been rotting in my cabinet for a long time. I'm going to re-draw this one. Nothing wrong with it really. I just got bored with it.
Arwen Undomiel (LotR) - started this last night.Will have to finish this. Really? Really.

So you see, I'm good at starting things -most of the time- but I have to really push myself to finish them, because I get easily bored. I have a cross-stitching project rotting away in my closet for three years now. It's an "Ice Angel". I have also 3 books which I haven't finished reading (and yet I bought another one). Frustrating sometimes. What else? A painting and a comic book project collecting dust in my "warehouse". tsk. tsk.

The antithesis of that was, when I set myself into finishing something, it borders on "obssesion" and it's not good either. I remember last time I set my sights into finishing "Final Fantasy VIII" (PS 1 RPG game) I did not take a bath for um... one and a half weeks (thankfully it's school vacation - otherwise...), I hardly slept, imagine playing until five in the morning (the level-upping was especially addictive), sleeping for maybe 2 hours, waking up then playing again for a WHOLE day (that's how it went for one and a half weeks!) and no eating either (unless I was yelled at). The game was 4 disks long. I spent maybe 300+ hours on it. That's the reason I decided to stay away from Tantra, Khan and Ragnarok. ;)

The same principle applies with when I draw. And well, pretty much anything I decide to do.:)

Just Soundtripping

2005-09-07T01:00:00.000-07:00

Nothing special going on really. So technically this post is "senseless". Who says every post must make sense?? Just ask my fellow Phatters. :)

Just soundtripping. This song could be considered as a "Psycopath's Theme". Kind of reminded me of Vicious (Bebop) and HP's Voldemort and every other "villainous bastard" :D. I think the lyrics were great. Although the tune gets a bit repeatitive (not that's a bad thing).

Wut will nicht sterben (Rage Doesn't Want to Die)
- Rammstein

Unofficial Translation ©2003 Jeremy Williams.

Tell me how far you want to go
do you want to see him on the floor - Yes
do you want him to kneel before you
do you want him to beg for mercy

Thoughts of vengeance whipped from humility
you don't see or hear anything
your sick feelings
don't give him a chance
your rage does not want to die
and only that keeps you alive

You can, you want and will never forgive
and you condemn his life
you drift in the insanity from
excessive anger, destruction and vengeance,
you were born to hate

My rage does not want to die
my rage does not want to die
my rage will never die

You ram your hatred like a stone
into him Ramming stone -
you have pursued, hunted, and cursed him
and he has taken his heels, crawling

Was watching "Saving Private Ryan" last night. The first parts (the Dog Beach landing) were riddled with black humour. At one point the medic was shouting "We stopped the bleeding!" but then a bullet zings the wounded soldier on the head, killing him instantly. eh?

But the other parts were deeply unsettling. Especially the "introspective" shots (Tom Hanks' character "taking it in"), soundless, gritty and slow motion. Gets the point across.

I am a Geek??!

2005-09-06T02:04:00.000-07:00

Music: "Not Meant For Me" by Static-X
Reading: "Dark Side of the Moon" by Jean Farwiq - it's a fanfiction, but an exceptionally good one.

"...it's plain to see...that you want me to fall...it's killing me...let's see....you've got the gall....the jury is coming...coming to tear me apart...all this bitching and moaning...I'm trapped in this world..that's not meant for me...." - Not Meant For Me (Queen of the Damned OST)

Singing along with The Vampire Lestat last Sunday (with fellow weirdoes - otherwise known as my bestfriends). Our sentiments exactly. ;)

I suddenly remembered. I'm a geek. Eek! You got that feeling. Always off balance with something. Questioning everything. Seeing things you are not "supposed" to see. I've had few chances to meet semi like-minded individuals (my current bestfriends). Sometimes I get annoyed by their occasional shallowness. But that could be tolerated. Our friendship was -is- based on "vibes". That's how I normaly choose friends. If my intuition tells me "this person is worthy" (and it's rarely wrong)...I go for it. But if not, I avoid the person like the plague. Especially if I detect a hint of duplicity. It's the same with them. Most of the time we don't even need to talk, just the "look", and we know what each other was thinking.

Last, last week, sitting with them at "Parasite Eve Alley" (the back of the One-Stop shop), we were discussing whether God created Man or was it the other way around? I'm inclined to believe the latter.

Anyway, just read the "Old Testament" and you'll see how "moody" and "irrational" Yahweh could be. Very evident on Moses' Journey to the Promised Land. *wink*

If God does exist, like the Bible says...we are created in His image...so God must not be the benevolent, loving entity we believe Him to be, not all the time anyway. I think he's got a nasty sense of humour and a liking for irony, too. Another quote from The Green Mile: "if bad things happen, God lets it happen...and when we say, 'I don't understand', God replies, 'I don't care'" and "The Mothman Prophecies" : "you are more advanced than a cockroach, ever tried explaining yourself to one of them?"

The Buddists got their "model" of God right. Instead of two separate entities (one good, one evil), they "merged" the image. One cannot exist without the other. How will you be able to tell what is "good" if you don't know what's "evil"? Can't take the Yin and still have the Yang, can you??

And besides, the world is not divided between good and evil people. That kind of narrow-minded thinking sickens me.

Out for now.

you got 'zinged' and other random thoughts

2005-09-05T02:27:00.000-07:00

Background Music: Mein Herz brennt - Rammstein

Trip to SM Lucena

Went to Lucena with two bestfriends last Saturday (Sept. 03). Decided to tag along at the last minute. I wanted to canvas for book prices at National Bookstore. Some books I "marked":

The Dark Tower Series (Stephen King) - I was ovejoyed and nearly keeled over when I found out that they've got DT III, IV and V. Been looking for them last, last year.
Neverwhere / American Gods (Neil Gaiman)
Dracula (Bram Stoker) - I have the PDF version but I want it officially on my collection.
Blood & Gold / Memnoch the Devil (Anne Rice) - I found them mildly interesting.
The Da Vinci Code / Angels and Demons (Dan Brown) - very interesting but I'd rather "download" it!

I also convinced my friend Dona to buy "The Green Mile" by Stephen King. Practically "demonized" (our term for relentless persuasion techniques) her into buying it. Speaking of "The Mile". I re-read the end parts last night and couldn't help myself, so I made an impromptu illustration of the last passage (which also happened to be my favourite):

"Sometimes I doze and I see that underpass in the rain, with John Coffey standing beneath it in the shadows. It's never just a trick of the eye in these little dreams; it's always him for sure, my big boy, just standing there and watching.

I think about my Janice, how I lost her. How she ran away red through my fingers in the rain and I wait. We each owe a death, there are no exceptions, I know that. But sometimes, oh God, the green mile is so long."

No pre-sketch. Just plain marker. I was in a frenzy.:D

Rammstein Music

I'm in "love" with their music. They've got it perfectly. A combination of haunting orchestral tunes and raging guitars. And the lyrics...just perfect! None of the annoying sacharrine-sweetness found in most "hit" songs. My most favourite tunes include: "Sonne" (sun), "Ich Will" (I want), "Spieluhr" (Music Box), "Morgenstern" (morning star), "Feur Frei" (Fire at Will!). "Du Hast" (You Have...could also be You Hate) and many others. Their music has an air of "predictable unpredictability". You know, starts soft and haunting, then gets all loud and angsty and back again at unpredictable intervals. Sort of a "schizophrenic" flow...(wahahaha!) What other songs were like that? Ummm... Sa Yuri's "Light and Darkness" and "Garden of Eden" by Bridge (very evident in the chorus), Metallica's "Unforgiven" and "Forsaken" by Disturbed were all I could think of for now as they're at the bottom of my playlist.

You Got Zinged!

I was answering our "Seven Habits" workbook and these particular questions jumped off the page.

What are you unhappy about or frustrated by? For example, do you feel powerless, hopeless, or used? Describe the situation.

Is you language more proactive or reactive?

Powerless? Nope. I actually feel quite powerful in the sense that I can "translate" my thoughts through my art. Hopeless? Not entirely (depends on my depressive cycle). Used? used? Not so. But I don't feel "in heaven" either! But what?!

My language & thought patterns could be described as "slightly on the sarcastic side" (I'm channeling Professor Snape most of the time). I suppose it belongs on the reactive category as you are NOT supposed to "snipe at" and "zing" everyone. But I'm not "zinging" everyone per se. Just the few unfortunate souls who got on my wrong side (these days I just bite my tongue and keep quiet or "edit" my words, because when I speak my mind in it's undiluted form... it usually has some "unpleasant" result). Errrr....that's not right either, I know! (the way this book narrates, you are supposed to come out an angel afterwards...?) But, hey sarcasm is fun. Except for the "target". :)

Describe the situation. It's not a situation really. It's something entirely elusive. It's like groping on thin air. You know it's there but can't identify it. It's everywhere and nowhere; everything and nothing. Hmmm...existential reasons? What existential reasons??! Go ask Van Gogh!

random thoughts

2005-09-01T23:20:00.000-07:00

Music: Spieluhr (Music Box) - Rammstein

"Buy Filipino" -

"Tangkilikin ang Sariling Atin". With Filipino food I have no problem doing just that :). About other things like music (especially that), tv shows and films, I'm not too sure.

Music - I don't know. Maybe I need more research, but our current offerings (bands, artists & songs) cannot seem to satisfy. I mean, why listen to songs which you can't relate to?? That's the whole point of listening right??

Most songs are distastefully love-centric (meaning the theme was handled in such an obvious manner). Which as my friend said, "nakaka-pangati na" (meaning = repulsive). Hmmm. The latest I happened to somewhat like were "Stay" by Cueshe (only the tune), "Same Ground" by Kitchie Nadal (her only "saving grace" after that dreadful "hit" of hers) and "Garden of Eden" by Bridge (browsed their site and that's the only one I loved...so far) of Eraserheads, Parokya, Siakol, Rivermaya etc... Especially E-heads. Loved their songs, mostly the not so popular ones. Not necessarily the band. I'm not into collecting posters, attending concerts and stuff like that. Just the songs. That's more than enough.

Anyway, I'm looking for something more than what's currently playing. I'm not exactly sure how to phrase it. More "depth", maybe?? Hmmm...More "brooding" tones and messages. Hey, I'll admit it I'm more of an "angst 'n darkness" person so...hell, I find beauty in the grotesque and light in the darkness (poetic?). Dark Star is to Midnight Sun! Arakkis...Dune... (eyes glaze)....enough!

Back on Earth. I'm looking for the Filipino equivalent of Rammstein (German Metal Band - very haunting tunes - wohohoh!), Black Sabbath, Brorder Daniel, KMFDM, Radiohead etc...it's frustrating that I have to search elsewere (I've recently "discovered" a Polish band - good for my taste)!

But I'm not all into Metal and Rock. I have a pretty eclectic taste. Classical, Jazz, and hell...even Opera-type tunes. A combination's even better! Let me put it this way, Metal & Rock for angsty moods, Classical-ish for more placid ones. The only ones I avoid are the "now that i have found you" , "you're still the one" types (if you get my meaning). Makes my skin crawl.

But of course, I'm quite aware that the Philippine music industry does not exist to satisfy me! :D Too bad?

Pffft... Pfft!!*

2005-08-31T19:52:00.000-07:00

Music: "Head Like A Hole" - Nine Inch Nails
Reading: "Survival of the Fittest" - J. Kellerman

Still in a very sour mood. I have yet to identify the source of my annoyance.

Hmm. Could it be? A little experiment backfired a few days ago. The concept hadn't been as original as I first thought. I have to start all over again. Grr. Got me exceedingly riled up!

People walking S-l-o-w-l-y
What 's up with people like that??! It has been a habit to walk on the way home (or even going to work). The fare keeps getting unreasonably high. But what I cannot stand are those who walk as if they were at the park, enjoying the view! What's to enjoy, anyway?! Don't tell me they appreciate the "beauty" of the Banadero Bridge, or the garbage pile across the SSS building! I have to resist the urge to tap the offender and say: "Are you planning on moving faster anytime THIS century???!"

People talking in "unreasonable volumes" (especially in public places)
Noise pollution. Another thing that gets my temper up. Don't they have manners??

Annoyed...

2005-08-31T02:03:00.000-07:00

Music: "Melissa" by Porno Graffitti

I'm annoyed. That's not exactly new, is it?? I'm always out of sorts about one thing or another. But today I'm feeling exceptionally cross!!!

Want to know why? No. You don't want to know why, I tell you. You really don't.

Just submitted another work at DA. Not entirely satisfied with it. I'm losing my touch, I think. Again. That's one of the reasons I'm annoyed. But that is a tiny bit of detail.

Another reason might be is lack of sleep. Insomnia.

Been "sleep-talking" again for two nights in a row. My mother says I'm angry with someone in both cases. The only thing she caught was "Bwiset!" as I am talking rapidly. I can't remember having a dream though!

I'm also hungry. Although I ate something.

Maybe I need to play PS again this weekend. I might be able to release the "rage" by playing Resident Evil or Medal of Honor again. I just need to shoot something!

beam me up, scotty....

2005-08-30T01:11:00.000-07:00

Music: "Taiyou Wa Yoru Mo Kagayaku"
(the sun shines at midnight) by WINO

- As it turned out, the only reason to see "The Cave" (for me, anyway) was Cole Hauser (that guy from Pitch Black - William Johns) and nothing else. The story was dreadful (at least, not Troll). The characters, if you could call them that, were paper thin to the nth power (like some "real" people I know). Not good at all. Period.

Go home...re-think your life!

2005-08-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

Music: Call Me, Call Me - Steve Conte (Cowboy Bebop OST)
Last Movie Seen: The Mothman Prophecies

Quote of the moment: "I'm a dishonest man. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you have to watch out for, you can never tell when they're going to do something incredibly...stupid."

Nothing in particular. Just some random weirdness.

- Last, last week, I almost told the tricycle driver to "Ctrl C!" instead of the customary "Para!". My mind was a bit jumbled, I suppose. A surprise layouting project came up and I was on the side of "hyper-focusing" as I'm busy trying to figure out the printing margins (*my body was on auto-pilot during times like that, and I don't really notice my surroundings*). The words were at the tip of my tongue! Imagine the look on the driver's face if I had said, "Mama! Ctrl C!" :P He might think I'm a loon or something (and he most certainly will).

- Last, last month (i think). A very, very, very annoying customer had the misfortune of ending up here in our office. I struggled mightily to get my temper under control, not to mention a compulsion to wave my hand in a very Jedi-like manner and say..."you want to go home and re-think your life"... or at least "..and retrieve your wits". Also, constantly reminding myself that I must NOT turn to the dark side! (however appealing the idea was at that time) Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hatred. Hatred leads to suffering....Annoying people leads to headaches...headaches lead to the dark side....

- My mom and I were discussing wedding customs from various provinces (particularly Quezon and Nueva Ecija) last Saturday. Some were downright funny and....weird.
Nueva Ecija - after the formal wedding rights, the bride and groom must "outrun" each other on their way out of the church! (imagine turning your wedding day into Gran Tourismo F1 Racing) This is to ensure that the winner will not fall into the "dependent partner" category (aka "under da saya/pantalon" - whack! cleanse your thoughts!you...you...).
Quezon Province - during the "discussion-of-wedding-arrangements" aka "Bulungan", the family of the bride must "steal" (well, not really, since the stolen object will be returned after the wedding) something from the family of the groom. So that the newly weds will have a harmonious (sp?) relationship? Not a good sign, don't you think??

- Currently developing another comic book story. No title yet. But I've got the initial ideas. I got inspired even more while watching "Cowboy Bebop". Unconventional story telling. Surrealism. Subtle hints. Tragedy. Irony. Along the lines of "Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds". Of course, it will have touches of Frank Miller and a dash of Quentin Tarantino. With a bit of Stanley Kubrick. :D

- Lastly, the word was "demure". Yes, probably. If demure was a word used to describe the behaviour of TROLLS and OGRES (No. Not Shrek-ogre, but Ogre-ogre!)

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Ramblings

2005-08-25T23:59:00.000-07:00

The last of transfers. Also check out my deviantart account. Obssessed with HP.

EDIT:

Had Snape decided not to kill Dumbledore, he would have died. As he made an "Unbreakable Vow" (must fullfill ALL the clauses...or else) with Narcissa Malfoy. Putting my theory aside, it would have meant that Snape simply chose his life over Dumbledore's (the Headmaster was wandless and probably dying then because of drinking god-knows-what from that cave), quite a "heartless" choice, but the most logical *if you catch my meaning*. Snape is one of the most brilliant minds in the series, probably surpassing even Dumbledore and Voldemort. He actually reminds me of Karla the Grey Witch from The Record of Lodoss War. Neither belonging to the light or the darkness, just concerned with maintaining balance between the two.

And who the hell was R.A.B.??? My Guess would be Regulus Black.

Oh, I also liked the bits with Luna Lovegood. I like Luna's character, kind of reminds me of myself when I was younger (and even until now). That part with her being the commentator for the Quidditch match was positively hilarious. "Loser's Lurgy"! :lol:

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just finished reading Half-Blood Prince. The sixth book undoubtedly cleared some issues, particularly those frequently discussed in fandom, some silly examples:

-Harry paired with...everyone else (yes, that includes Remus Lupin to Grawp the Giant). It's now officially Ginny.

-Hermione paired with...everyone else (including Severus Snape! - aack! eeek! and to the side of, ummmmm...NO!!- funny how and where these people get their ideas!). Now we know that it is Ron.

But left some really interesting questions (which I hope will be answered on Book Seven). Like the loyalty of Severus Snape. Just some thought, when Dumbledore said, "Please...Severus..." was he asking Snape to kill him? Or was it the obvious, pleading Snape NOT to kill him? And what about that Phoenix-like phenomena during the funeral? Is Albus Dumbledore really gone? (we know he's physically gone, but what about?). But then maybe, like Harry, I cannot simply accept the fact one of the greatest wizards of all time was gone and that Albus made a terrible mistake of trusting Snape (after all he's only human, wizard or not).

Back to my first theory. Why would Dumbledore ask for something like that? First, as a sort of a final, grand lesson for Harry. At the last part of HBP, Harry realized that he can't forever depend on other people to protect him from Voldemort. Like the book said "the last of his great protectors were gone". On OotP (Order of the Pheonix), JK Rowling gave light to the fact that Harry's "protectors" were also like him...human. Starting with the attack on Professor McGonagall (which left her on the Infirmary for days), the general helplessness everyone else felt when Dolores Umbridge (a very loathsome character indeed!) and the Ministry of Magic took over because Dumbledore was in hiding (after false accusations of inventing false accusations - you know, he sided with Harry while everyone else thinks that the-boy-who-lived has gone quite mad)!

Anyway, back to Snape (I keep getting derailed), it's still very difficult to judge, much more hate him. Given the context of his childhood (there are plenty of clues), abusive muggle father, apparently weak pure-blood mother, bullied at school, the list could go on. Actually, like the book mentioned, Snape has a lot of similarity to Voldemort. But what about Harry? He was abused and neglected as a child (though not as worse compared to the previous two), but still managed to show fairness (even to those who don't deserve it, like Peter Pettigrew), rationale, compassion and kindness? Although he loses it occasionally. How far does one person's experience influence his/her choices in life?

And what about innate personality characteristics and family background? Tom Riddle showed an alarming lack of conscience even at such a young age. He actually reminded me of "The Poisoner...", an article about a young psychopath (he started misdeeds at the tender age of 7! -and yes, his family was perfectly normal) I've read at CrimeLibrary.com, it goes like this, the psycopath's sister told him that perhaps he should go out more and meet friends, and here was his answer: "Nothing like that would help. You see, there is a terrible coldness inside me." It was both chilling and sad. When asked if he felt remorse for his victims (including his family), he replied. "No. I would be a hypocrite if I said yes. What I feel is in the emptiness of my soul." See? Even the person was aware that something is missing inside him. That must be the case with Voldemort. He never had friends because he didn't feel the need for them. And no amount of counseling and coaxing would make him change. He was a person literally born "without a soul". And don't forget the history of mental illness in his mother's family (a result of in-breeding). Like psycopaths, he can only "imitate" human feeling (and believe me true psychos are extremely good at this), and there is no use telling him that whatever he's doing is wrong, because he doesn't and won't understand. Ever. What I'm talking about are extremely rare cases. Most are still treatable.

Ah! derailed once more! Back to Snape, I'd rather believe him to be on Dumbledore's side. But of course, there's always the possiblity that he was nothing more than a selfish coward (but then, that place was currently occupied by Peter Pettigrew). He's extremely skilled in Occlumency. And what about this Snape-Lily connection I read on many fandoms?? Remember, Snape never passed off a chance to throw insults at Harry, particularly about his father. But not one about Harry's mother?? I find that a bit off. And then there was Snape arguing with Dumbledore a few nights before the Tower Fisaco.

And about the matter of him helping Narcissa Malfoy. Again, I suppose it goes back to Snape's troubled childhood. I actually like Severus Snape because he is a morally ambiguous (sp?) character.

HBP Bits I liked best (because i loved the book):

-Fleur still determined to marry Bill, even after he was attacked by Fenrir Greyback (which left the eldest Weasly less...desirable -physically-).
-Tonks never took a liking for Sirius after all, it was in fact, Remus Lupin! (who would have guessed!?)
-All the Ron-Hermione, Harry-Ginny bits. I found them all very amusing.
-All of Harry's lessons with Dumbledore. Especially all the explanations about Voldemort's differences and similarities with Harry. I got a bit teary eyed. *shame*
-All the "Ron-was-poisoned" scenes.
-Ron and Hermione's decision to stick with Harry even if he decides to leave Hogwarts to hunt for the remaining Horcruxes.

And to address a fan's comment about how Harry was less sad about Dumbledore's passing, than about Sirius; I disagree. Just because someone isn't moaning and screaming that doesn't mean that he/she isn't deeply affected. Besides I don't think a man such as Dumbledore would have liked that. A few words before signing-off: *blubber, oddment, tweak*.

The Million Dollar Question and Signs of the Future

2005-08-20T23:53:00.000-07:00

I must whine. Yes, "whine" (widdle, twaddle). Why? Because I must (and don't you dare stop me!), and I'm generally very good at whining. But first, let us define the word "whine". Let's see, according to "The American Heritage Dictionary",

whine:
To utter a plaintive, high-pitched, protracted sound, as in pain, fear, supplication, or complaint.
To complain or protest in a childish fashion.

Now, that's the formal definition of "whine". But I will simply define it as "to complain". Oh, another similar word would be "gripe". Adults don't whine. They gripe! Why the sudden interest? Because the succeeding paragraphs will consist solely of complaints. And if you do not wish to be bored to tears, I suggest you stop reading now. (i mean, in case someone actually bothers to read, but, whatever, i couldn't care less.)

Anyway, let's start. First, the "Million Dollar Question", which, unfortunately cannot be disclosed. I do not want to sound too pathetic (widdle, twaddle, waddle); so, I'll keep the question to myself. This particular bit of inquiry has been plaguing me for the past, uh, 10 or so years. Since I was in high school? (not too sure) maybe. I have searched far and wide, high and low, sideways, down-under, over there, left and right, top to bottom for the answer, but no luck! I cannot find either a psychological nor a scientific one (i'd be glad if there was a scientific answer), a mathematical one, perhaps? or literary? cultural??

0_0! But I won't give up!

My search wasn't entirely in vain, however. I managed to find "tid-bits", "half-truths" and then some. But I can't settle for those, can I?? Some answers were so unsatisfactory that they cannot even be considered answers (like the ones I got from my parents and some of my "friends"). Although, I am very much aware that there is no such thing as an absolute truth, I must, nonetheless find something closer to it. Otherwise, I will be driven to complete and utter madness! Why?? Why?? You tell me!

Next, The Signs and Omens of the Future.

I was sitting on the couch last, last Sunday. Doing the usual things -the usual for those who don't have a "life" -that is, as defined by our society -, mainly cross-stitching, drawing (i'm almost done with Lindbergh), playing videogames, what have you; when i had a sudden vision of "clarity", meaning, I saw the future (not career-wise, but as a person). No. No. No. I'm not talking about messiah-scale types (i did not faint, convulsed, spoken in strange tongues or voices- otherwise, I wouldn't be here, I'd be somewhere deep in the mountains, hiding in caves, waiting for the end of all things or speaking in vast auditoriums, having thousands of followers or, if i'm not too lucky, in a mental health institution). Just an understanding. Here are the signs:

The Needle, The Apartment, The Book, The Job, The Sketch Pad. The Illustrator and The Musician (I have an ink drawing of that, might show you sometime).

Oh, and not only that. I dreamt of Willy Wonka. No. Not Johnny Depp. Willy Wonka. What could be scarier than to have Willy Wonka in your future!

Rude People...on the phone, and everywhere else...

2005-08-17T23:51:00.000-07:00

Listening To: "Beautiful Alone" by Weiss

EDIT: Had to fix some bad grammar. :P

On a side note: Scheduled portraits include Aragorn from LotR and Nancy Callahan from Sin City. I'm doing a "Sin City Series", probably after Shanda Lars and Calrissian Sr. (SW:Altered Universe).

On other matters:

Been reading about the "Abu Ghraib Prisoner Abuse Scandal", might write an article about that in the future. The photos provided by CBS, CNN and The Washington Post were nothing short of shocking. Happened in 2004 during the "invasion" of Iraq by US Troops, led by "Big Daddy George", hell-bent on seeking revenge for 9/11. *too bad i'm no longer as updated about world matters as when i was in elementary and high school*

The real subject:

Okay, so I've had enough of dealing with people for one day (or week)! Particularly, answering the phone. Strike one for the "Slave-driver", whose rudeness and apparent lack of consideration was combined with an absence of logic and straight thinking!
Strike one also for the "T-Rex". Same reasons as stated above. I'm not a smile-for-the-camera person. But, at least, I am aware of the basic rules of human interaction. I may not be "socially adept" (definition may vary), but I recognize a person's need for space, respect and basic courtesy. Now, these *choke* choke* two "social butterflies" (perhaps the better term would be "sociopaths" - see definition before hurling things) are the epitome of "plasticity" (another self-made word...harhar) and two-facetedness (is there even such a word?).
Anyway, I will not spend time elaborating their offenses, but I do hope they'd learn their lesson sooner, not later. Because their attitude makes Darth Vader seem very lovable. Consider this, at least Darth Vader confessed his allegiance to the Dark Side. I suddenly remembered a passage from Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow (not that silly affair that was Washington Irving's): "Villainy wears many masks, none so dangerous, than the mask of virtue."

Hearts in Atlantis

2004-08-30T18:30:00.000-07:00

Ideas seem to zip around my head and just disappear, but they never really do. These things were hidden in my sub-conscious mind until some experience awakens them yet again. Thoughts, memories that I only mule over in the dark of the night, when everyone is resting. And even then I would be afraid that somewhere, someone could hear them.

Lately I've been thinking about my resposibilities, the ones I have right now and the ones I'll be facing in the future. Life is getting harder everyday.