Wednesday, August 31, 2005

*Pffft...* Pfft!!*

Music: "Head Like A Hole" - Nine Inch Nails
Reading: "Survival of the Fittest" - J. Kellerman

Still in a very sour mood. I have yet to identify the source of my annoyance.

Hmm. Could it be? A little experiment backfired a few days ago. The concept hadn't been as original as I first thought. I have to start all over again. Grr. Got me exceedingly riled up!

People walking S-l-o-w-l-y
What 's up with people like that??! It has been a habit to walk on the way home (or even going to work). The fare keeps getting unreasonably high. But what I cannot stand are those who walk as if they were at the park, enjoying the view! What's to enjoy, anyway?! Don't tell me they appreciate the "beauty" of the Banadero Bridge, or the garbage pile across the SSS building! I have to resist the urge to tap the offender and say: "Are you planning on moving faster anytime THIS century???!"

People talking in "unreasonable volumes" (especially in public places)
Noise pollution. Another thing that gets my temper up. Don't they have manners??

Annoyed...

Music: "Melissa" by Porno Graffitti

I'm annoyed. That's not exactly new, is it?? I'm always out of sorts about one thing or another. But today I'm feeling exceptionally cross!!!

Want to know why? No. You don't want to know why, I tell you. You really don't.

Just submitted another work at DA. Not entirely satisfied with it. I'm losing my touch, I think. Again. That's one of the reasons I'm annoyed. But that is a tiny bit of detail.

Another reason might be is lack of sleep. Insomnia.

Been "sleep-talking" again for two nights in a row. My mother says I'm angry with someone in both cases. The only thing she caught was "Bwiset!" as I am talking rapidly. I can't remember having a dream though!

I'm also hungry. Although I ate something.

Maybe I need to play PS again this weekend. I might be able to release the "rage" by playing Resident Evil or Medal of Honor again. I just need to shoot something!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

beam me up, scotty....

Music: "Taiyou Wa Yoru Mo Kagayaku"
(the sun shines at midnight) by WINO


- As it turned out, the only reason to see "The Cave" (for me, anyway) was Cole Hauser (that guy from Pitch Black - William Johns) and nothing else. The story was dreadful (at least, not Troll). The characters, if you could call them that, were paper thin to the nth power (like some "real" people I know). Not good at all. Period.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Go home...re-think your life!

Music: Call Me, Call Me - Steve Conte (Cowboy Bebop OST)
Last Movie Seen: The Mothman Prophecies

Quote of the moment: "I'm a dishonest man. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you have to watch out for, you can never tell when they're going to do something incredibly...stupid."

Nothing in particular. Just some random weirdness.

- Last, last week, I almost told the tricycle driver to "Ctrl C!" instead of the customary "Para!". My mind was a bit jumbled, I suppose. A surprise layouting project came up and I was on the side of "hyper-focusing" as I'm busy trying to figure out the printing margins (*my body was on auto-pilot during times like that, and I don't really notice my surroundings*). The words were at the tip of my tongue! Imagine the look on the driver's face if I had said, "Mama! Ctrl C!" :P He might think I'm a loon or something (and he most certainly will).

- Last, last month (i think). A very, very, very annoying customer had the misfortune of ending up here in our office. I struggled mightily to get my temper under control, not to mention a compulsion to wave my hand in a very Jedi-like manner and say..."you want to go home and re-think your life"... or at least "..and retrieve your wits". Also, constantly reminding myself that I must NOT turn to the dark side! (however appealing the idea was at that time) Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hatred. Hatred leads to suffering....Annoying people leads to headaches...headaches lead to the dark side....

- My mom and I were discussing wedding customs from various provinces (particularly Quezon and Nueva Ecija) last Saturday. Some were downright funny and....weird.
Nueva Ecija - after the formal wedding rights, the bride and groom must "outrun" each other on their way out of the church! (imagine turning your wedding day into Gran Tourismo F1 Racing) This is to ensure that the winner will not fall into the "dependent partner" category (aka "under da saya/pantalon" - whack! cleanse your thoughts!you...you...).
Quezon Province - during the "discussion-of-wedding-arrangements" aka "Bulungan", the family of the bride must "steal" (well, not really, since the stolen object will be returned after the wedding) something from the family of the groom. So that the newly weds will have a harmonious (sp?) relationship? Not a good sign, don't you think??

- Currently developing another comic book story. No title yet. But I've got the initial ideas. I got inspired even more while watching "Cowboy Bebop". Unconventional story telling. Surrealism. Subtle hints. Tragedy. Irony. Along the lines of "Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds". Of course, it will have touches of Frank Miller and a dash of Quentin Tarantino. With a bit of Stanley Kubrick. :D

- Lastly, the word was "demure". Yes, probably. If demure was a word used to describe the behaviour of TROLLS and OGRES (No. Not Shrek-ogre, but Ogre-ogre!)

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Ramblings

The last of transfers. Also check out my deviantart account. Obssessed with HP.


EDIT:

Had Snape decided not to kill Dumbledore, he would have died. As he made an "Unbreakable Vow" (must fullfill ALL the clauses...or else) with Narcissa Malfoy. Putting my theory aside, it would have meant that Snape simply chose his life over Dumbledore's (the Headmaster was wandless and probably dying then because of drinking god-knows-what from that cave), quite a "heartless" choice, but the most logical *if you catch my meaning*. Snape is one of the most brilliant minds in the series, probably surpassing even Dumbledore and Voldemort. He actually reminds me of Karla the Grey Witch from The Record of Lodoss War. Neither belonging to the light or the darkness, just concerned with maintaining balance between the two.

And who the hell was R.A.B.??? My Guess would be Regulus Black.

Oh, I also liked the bits with Luna Lovegood. I like Luna's character, kind of reminds me of myself when I was younger (and even until now). That part with her being the commentator for the Quidditch match was positively hilarious. "Loser's Lurgy"! :lol:

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just finished reading Half-Blood Prince. The sixth book undoubtedly cleared some issues, particularly those frequently discussed in fandom, some silly examples:

-Harry paired with...everyone else (yes, that includes Remus Lupin to Grawp the Giant). It's now officially Ginny.

-Hermione paired with...everyone else (including Severus Snape! - aack! eeek! and to the side of, ummmmm...NO!!- funny how and where these people get their ideas!). Now we know that it is Ron.

But left some really interesting questions (which I hope will be answered on Book Seven). Like the loyalty of Severus Snape. Just some thought, when Dumbledore said, "Please...Severus..." was he asking Snape to kill him? Or was it the obvious, pleading Snape NOT to kill him? And what about that Phoenix-like phenomena during the funeral? Is Albus Dumbledore really gone? (we know he's physically gone, but what about?). But then maybe, like Harry, I cannot simply accept the fact one of the greatest wizards of all time was gone and that Albus made a terrible mistake of trusting Snape (after all he's only human, wizard or not).

Back to my first theory. Why would Dumbledore ask for something like that? First, as a sort of a final, grand lesson for Harry. At the last part of HBP, Harry realized that he can't forever depend on other people to protect him from Voldemort. Like the book said "the last of his great protectors were gone". On OotP (Order of the Pheonix), JK Rowling gave light to the fact that Harry's "protectors" were also like him...human. Starting with the attack on Professor McGonagall (which left her on the Infirmary for days), the general helplessness everyone else felt when Dolores Umbridge (a very loathsome character indeed!) and the Ministry of Magic took over because Dumbledore was in hiding (after false accusations of inventing false accusations - you know, he sided with Harry while everyone else thinks that the-boy-who-lived has gone quite mad)!

Anyway, back to Snape (I keep getting derailed), it's still very difficult to judge, much more hate him. Given the context of his childhood (there are plenty of clues), abusive muggle father, apparently weak pure-blood mother, bullied at school, the list could go on. Actually, like the book mentioned, Snape has a lot of similarity to Voldemort. But what about Harry? He was abused and neglected as a child (though not as worse compared to the previous two), but still managed to show fairness (even to those who don't deserve it, like Peter Pettigrew), rationale, compassion and kindness? Although he loses it occasionally. How far does one person's experience influence his/her choices in life?

And what about innate personality characteristics and family background? Tom Riddle showed an alarming lack of conscience even at such a young age. He actually reminded me of "The Poisoner...", an article about a young psychopath (he started misdeeds at the tender age of 7! -and yes, his family was perfectly normal) I've read at CrimeLibrary.com, it goes like this, the psycopath's sister told him that perhaps he should go out more and meet friends, and here was his answer: "Nothing like that would help. You see, there is a terrible coldness inside me." It was both chilling and sad. When asked if he felt remorse for his victims (including his family), he replied. "No. I would be a hypocrite if I said yes. What I feel is in the emptiness of my soul." See? Even the person was aware that something is missing inside him. That must be the case with Voldemort. He never had friends because he didn't feel the need for them. And no amount of counseling and coaxing would make him change. He was a person literally born "without a soul". And don't forget the history of mental illness in his mother's family (a result of in-breeding). Like psycopaths, he can only "imitate" human feeling (and believe me true psychos are extremely good at this), and there is no use telling him that whatever he's doing is wrong, because he doesn't and won't understand. Ever. What I'm talking about are extremely rare cases. Most are still treatable.

Ah! derailed once more! Back to Snape, I'd rather believe him to be on Dumbledore's side. But of course, there's always the possiblity that he was nothing more than a selfish coward (but then, that place was currently occupied by Peter Pettigrew). He's extremely skilled in Occlumency. And what about this Snape-Lily connection I read on many fandoms?? Remember, Snape never passed off a chance to throw insults at Harry, particularly about his father. But not one about Harry's mother?? I find that a bit off. And then there was Snape arguing with Dumbledore a few nights before the Tower Fisaco.

And about the matter of him helping Narcissa Malfoy. Again, I suppose it goes back to Snape's troubled childhood. I actually like Severus Snape because he is a morally ambiguous (sp?) character.

HBP Bits I liked best (because i loved the book):

-Fleur still determined to marry Bill, even after he was attacked by Fenrir Greyback (which left the eldest Weasly less...desirable -physically-).
-Tonks never took a liking for Sirius after all, it was in fact, Remus Lupin! (who would have guessed!?)
-All the Ron-Hermione, Harry-Ginny bits. I found them all very amusing.
-All of Harry's lessons with Dumbledore. Especially all the explanations about Voldemort's differences and similarities with Harry. I got a bit teary eyed. *shame*
-All the "Ron-was-poisoned" scenes.
-Ron and Hermione's decision to stick with Harry even if he decides to leave Hogwarts to hunt for the remaining Horcruxes.

And to address a fan's comment about how Harry was less sad about Dumbledore's passing, than about Sirius; I disagree. Just because someone isn't moaning and screaming that doesn't mean that he/she isn't deeply affected. Besides I don't think a man such as Dumbledore would have liked that. A few words before signing-off: *blubber, oddment, tweak*.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

The Million Dollar Question and Signs of the Future

I must whine. Yes, "whine" (widdle, twaddle). Why? Because I must (and don't you dare stop me!), and I'm generally very good at whining. But first, let us define the word "whine". Let's see, according to "The American Heritage Dictionary",

whine:
To utter a plaintive, high-pitched, protracted sound, as in pain, fear, supplication, or complaint.
To complain or protest in a childish fashion.


Now, that's the formal definition of "whine". But I will simply define it as "to complain". Oh, another similar word would be "gripe". Adults don't whine. They gripe! Why the sudden interest? Because the succeeding paragraphs will consist solely of complaints. And if you do not wish to be bored to tears, I suggest you stop reading now. (i mean, in case someone actually bothers to read, but, whatever, i couldn't care less.)

Anyway, let's start. First, the "Million Dollar Question", which, unfortunately cannot be disclosed. I do not want to sound too pathetic (widdle, twaddle, waddle); so, I'll keep the question to myself. This particular bit of inquiry has been plaguing me for the past, uh, 10 or so years. Since I was in high school? (not too sure) maybe. I have searched far and wide, high and low, sideways, down-under, over there, left and right, top to bottom for the answer, but no luck! I cannot find either a psychological nor a scientific one (i'd be glad if there was a scientific answer), a mathematical one, perhaps? or literary? cultural??

0_0! But I won't give up!

My search wasn't entirely in vain, however. I managed to find "tid-bits", "half-truths" and then some. But I can't settle for those, can I?? Some answers were so unsatisfactory that they cannot even be considered answers (like the ones I got from my parents and some of my "friends"). Although, I am very much aware that there is no such thing as an absolute truth, I must, nonetheless find something closer to it. Otherwise, I will be driven to complete and utter madness! Why?? Why?? You tell me!

Next, The Signs and Omens of the Future.

I was sitting on the couch last, last Sunday. Doing the usual things -the usual for those who don't have a "life" -that is, as defined by our society -, mainly cross-stitching, drawing (i'm almost done with Lindbergh), playing videogames, what have you; when i had a sudden vision of "clarity", meaning, I saw the future (not career-wise, but as a person). No. No. No. I'm not talking about messiah-scale types (i did not faint, convulsed, spoken in strange tongues or voices- otherwise, I wouldn't be here, I'd be somewhere deep in the mountains, hiding in caves, waiting for the end of all things or speaking in vast auditoriums, having thousands of followers or, if i'm not too lucky, in a mental health institution). Just an understanding. Here are the signs:

The Needle, The Apartment, The Book, The Job, The Sketch Pad. The Illustrator and The Musician (I have an ink drawing of that, might show you sometime).

Oh, and not only that. I dreamt of Willy Wonka. No. Not Johnny Depp. Willy Wonka. What could be scarier than to have Willy Wonka in your future!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Rude People...on the phone, and everywhere else...

Listening To: "Beautiful Alone" by Weiss

EDIT: Had to fix some bad grammar. :P

On a side note: Scheduled portraits include Aragorn from LotR and Nancy Callahan from Sin City. I'm doing a "Sin City Series", probably after Shanda Lars and Calrissian Sr. (SW:Altered Universe).

On other matters:

Been reading about the "Abu Ghraib Prisoner Abuse Scandal", might write an article about that in the future. The photos provided by CBS, CNN and The Washington Post were nothing short of shocking. Happened in 2004 during the "invasion" of Iraq by US Troops, led by "Big Daddy George", hell-bent on seeking revenge for 9/11. *too bad i'm no longer as updated about world matters as when i was in elementary and high school*

The real subject:

Okay, so I've had enough of dealing with people for one day (or week)! Particularly, answering the phone. Strike one for the "Slave-driver", whose rudeness and apparent lack of consideration was combined with an absence of logic and straight thinking!
Strike one also for the "T-Rex". Same reasons as stated above. I'm not a smile-for-the-camera person. But, at least, I am aware of the basic rules of human interaction. I may not be "socially adept" (definition may vary), but I recognize a person's need for space, respect and basic courtesy. Now, these *choke* choke* two "social butterflies" (perhaps the better term would be "sociopaths" - see definition before hurling things) are the epitome of "plasticity" (another self-made word...harhar) and two-facetedness (is there even such a word?).
Anyway, I will not spend time elaborating their offenses, but I do hope they'd learn their lesson sooner, not later. Because their attitude makes Darth Vader seem very lovable. Consider this, at least Darth Vader confessed his allegiance to the Dark Side. I suddenly remembered a passage from Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow (not that silly affair that was Washington Irving's): "Villainy wears many masks, none so dangerous, than the mask of virtue."