...

One of the most well-composed trailers I've seen in a long time (not counting LotR: Return of the King and Two Towers). Plus being a bit of a long time fan of Frank Miller's works (I think I got a glimpse of Sin City graphic novels during the fifth grade) I admire his "visual style". Stark contrast (with occasional splashes of colour) w/c works so well on setting the mood.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Regardless of what I said earlier, I'm looking forward to a more exciting/productive year (when I actually get to do "something" with the right materials). Great Holidays to all. :D

Boredom in the Dull-house

My life these past few days has become excruciatingly dull, boring...and all other words pertaining to "lack of significance". Maybe it was the fact that I keep doing "quasi-somethings" or because there has been "nothing" going on. Nothing even remotely stimulating (I wonder when that bathroom painting project will start? Yes. I'd rather paint bathrooms now.)

You know it's bad when cutting paper price tags and stapling numerous brochures/flyers has become somewhat enlivening. I've also been asked to hand out flyers later this afternoon - on god-knows-where - which is not anywhere near "stimulating". But rather tramples on my self-esteem like a herd of stampeding elephants (I detest handing out flyers, if you must know - I'd very much prefer transcribing ancient documents while sitting on a dark basement room for days on end).

It's like walking underwater. There's also a pervading sense of unreality. It's like there's a thin film separating this world from me. I'm viewing things from the other end of a very long tunnel. Wha! That sure is descriptive.

So far, I feel most alive when working on my drawings. And maybe when I still have my Windows OS and Photoshop (not to mention my music, as most of the songs I hear as of late are rather "cringe-inducing" and prevents me -in part- from making "inspired" creations. Yes I'm "weird" that way.) *sigh* I haven't practiced Photoshop for ages! And SWISH too - I miss making all those R.E. mini-animations (w/c unfortunately got formatted along with my WINMe), while imagining music videos for songs like "Head Like A Hole" and "Getting Away With Murder". I've also designed a number of experimental CD covers/jackets.

The only "creative" stint I've had is making flyers (which is also "boredom-inducing" to the Nth degree. Did I also mention "uninspiring"?? That is almost as bad as designing generic calling cards and other types of cards - except maybe "Hallmark" types) I'd also like to point out the fact that it is "disheartening" to find your work trimmed-down and produced/printed on "non-quality" materials. Can you imagine how Da Vinci would feel if you asked him to paint an elaborate colored canvas only to tell him that his work will not appear as it is, but would rather be xeroxed, printed and mass-marketed using "lunch-bag" paper (or some other equivalent material)? I can see him wanting to thump you.

I can remember one "slightly-exciting" project this year. And it's the "Kiwanis Programme" (yeah, I kid you not). Sure, Ive been pressed for time (I got maybe 3 days) and it's not even the best of my creations (there ARE flaws). But at least, I got to use quality materials. Overnighting isn't too bad either (In all honesty, I'd be much happier if I'm allowed to work at night. With the lights - except the computer screen - out. No other people milling about, I can think and do my work better when I'm left with minimum supervision. The best time to come up with "earth-shattering" inspirations is between one to five in the morning, according to my experience. Yes, once again, I'm "weird" that way.) There's nothing more annoying than being pestered every two minutes about your progress and someone hovering like an overgrown bat (think Snape) over your shoulder.

Hey, I've read somewhere that "business" and "artist" types don't always see eye-to-eye. Except maybe in places like LucasArts or Square Enix. There must be some kind of gap/gulf in the communication.

Yes, I do understand that we live in the "real" world and there are such things as budget and stuff like that. :( But that doesn't stop me from ranting. Ehe! A way to diminish the "boredom".

Do you know how an aneurysm feels like? I can tell one coming up right now.
Ach! But I made up my plans for next year (in which things will get progressively better, I hope. Too bad, I had to sacrifice my "personal philosophy". Something I have managed not to do for the last 2 and 1/2 years, despite the pressures. But then there's the "Principle of Equivalent Exchange")

Christmas plans. I'll work on Dwayne Hicks and another original illustration. Or sleep. Who knows??

don't you agree??

Don't you agree that some people are alive simply because it is illegal (not to mention "traditionally" wrong) to kill them???

I never thought I'd come across such a person, until now. My first thought after "exchanging views" (if you could call it that) with this one is to cause him as much pain as possible (i'm thinking along "kill bill" lines). Now I'm a generally "peaceful" individual (snicker - ok so I admit that I'm a bit "hot-headed") so you can imagine what an as*hole that person is.

No, WAIT! Actually I met TWO such people! One idiot in the D.A. (not Dumbledore's Army - DeviantArt) and another HERE (I kid you NOT!) in the very confines of this company (now I cannot imagine what the little turd - sorry for less than civilzed language, but I am not feeling very civilized just now - is doing here (except maybe to bring about the spread of some ghastly disease - Ebola or Anthrax, maybe both). I never thought I'd see "it" again (I refuse to consider "it" a person, because "it" certainly is not, given the attitude of Its Royal Foulness), after so many years. I guess it is a small world after all. Thank goodness I never see this "poor excuse for a human being" regularly (as I would have set myself on fire than be subjected to an such "eye-sore" everyday) >.<

Of course, I looked all detached when I came face to face with "it". But my mental eyeballs were popping out of their sockets! O! The horror! The Horror!

.hack//SIGN :: Auguries of Destruction

The cast of .hack//SIGN

That old "sense of injustice" is coming back again. Maybe it's because I never really got the answer to that "monumental" question, "WHY?!" I also need to check my temper again, these days it's steadily rising dangerously close to the surface. I actually hate it when I get angry (heh! what a statement). Besides the fact that being in a "rage" is quite taxing, I tend to get an urge to break/destroy things (but I manage to restrain myself most of the time). So far I've only broken the "magnetic designs" on the fridge when I slammed the door in a fit of fury (I think we were discussing the "meaning of life", which got me worked up so much - it's like all old bile rising). *sigh* I guess I'm not taking my own advice. I need to focus on more "healthy" ways of dissipating anger...*shakes head*

And I'm back to my old "disengage/ignore tactics" again. Not a good sign. It's not good to be "Ikari-esque". They tend to alienate those around me (as the incident with my brother proved). Sometimes, I get ashamed of my bahaviour, but that has never been enough to "actually" change it. I do consider myself "well-armored" - by that I mean, I have an arsenal of pretty well-developed defense mechanisms from my years in the "slam". ;)

On to the main topic:

It all started when my bro (as I have mentioned in my previous posts) lent me a copy of this anime. It's based on a MMPORPG (massively multi-player online role-playing game - think Ragnarok) of the same title, or so I've read. I have only seen the first two episodes, and I immediately liked the main protagonist (Tsukasa - guy at the foreground), which rarely happens. He sort of reminded me of myself - a bit "cold", "unfriendly" and generally "stand-offish", sometimes to the point of "apparent" rudeness (wahahaha). I've been doing some "background reading" as I hate being thrust into the "unknown" without even an aota of information. According to one reviewer, Tsukasa's character makes Shinji Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion - one of the most mentally/emotionally taxing shows I've ever seen, there's also the fact that almost all characters have some sort of mental affliction - which makes it on top of my favourites) seem out-going and social (wahahaha :p) Oh, the character designer of .hack//SIGN happens to be Yoshiyuki Sadamoto [ah! Sadamoto-sensei!] (the same guy who did EVA), an added bonus!

I asked my father to get episodes 3-10 for me (four CDs). I'm planning to get Z.O.E (Zone of the Enders) next (ack! that's why I need more money!) I calculated the costs already. [dot]hack has 28 episodes, which means I need to get 14 CDs (which amounts to 350php) >.< *sigh* I also need to complete Hellsing (4 CDs to go).

.hack//SIGN is intensely character-driven (and there's also the tendency of characters to sound like they were on "Oprah" - they sometimes drone on and on, but this is a plus factor for me - lots of introspection) and has extremely "slow" phasing (episodes will pass without much "action" - but one needs to look closer). A lot of "shoot-em-up" fans complain about this (as they expect lots of fighting..err), although more "patient" ones regard this as .hack's strong points. The music is excellent, most of the song-inserts remind me of Enya. :)

Last, last Saturday I also had the opportunity to watch AKIRA (internationally acclaimed masterpiece by Katsuhiro Otomo). His works tend to deal with the concept of "absolute freedom". Of course themes like friendship, loyalty, hate, intolerance and such were dealt with in such a realistic way, despite the futuristic setting. Such a bittersweet ending. ;) The artwork was simply gorgeous. Otomo-sensei had such a way with "details".

...

Haunted [PoE]

Come here
Pretty please
Can you tell me where I am
You won’t you say something
I need to get my bearings
I’m lost
And the shadows keep on changing

And I’m haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated
I’m haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head

Don’t cry,
There’s always a way
Here in november in this house of leaves
We’ll pray
Please, I know it’s hard to believe
To see a perfect forest
Through so many splintered trees
You and me
And these shadows keep on changing

And I’m haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated
I’m haunted
By the promises I’ve made
And others I have broken
I’m haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head

Hallways... always

I’ll always love you
I’ll always need you
I’ll always want you

And I will always miss you

Come here
No I won’t say please
One more look at the ghost
Before I’m gonna make it leave
Come here
I’ve got the pieces here
Time to gather up the splinters
Build a casket for my tears

I’m haunted
(by the lives that I have loved)
I’m haunted
(by the promises I’ve made)
I’m haunted
By the hallways in this tiny room
The echos there of me and you
The voices that are carrying this tune

Father :
What is it annie?

Daughter :
You think I’ll cry? I won’t cry!
My heart will break before I cry!
I will go mad.

The Shadow of the Past*

Some random thoughts. :)

ok. i've been reading Lord of the Rings: Fellowship last night (I mean "seriously" reading it). It has some hilarious *and many more to come i'm sure* moments. How they think the Bagginses (at least Bilbo and Frodo) were "cracked" (or "touched" in the head).

Anyway, I found this very "interesting" article written by one called CyberWolfman. It's about the Columbine Shootings (as you can probably see). I have a copy of TIME Magazine's "The Monsters Next Door" issue (although I found most of the articles there "controlling", not really pinpointing the truth about "why it happened?" & complete with all that "manipulative" montages - as if people suddenly "snap" without reason). Ok, so here's the article (it's a bit "funny", if you like "black humour")

But first here's a little "argument" / "equation" that has been "rolling around my head" for a very long time (since time immemorial in fact). Suppose a group of "humans" are harassing some random person. These group of humans happen to be the "prototype" by which all people should be patterned (think PHALANX) - you know "everyone" thinks they're "rad" and all. On the contrary, Random Person is deemed "weird" and therefore the said "humans" continue to harrass Random Person day in and day out. Random Person endures (meaning he does every technique at his disposal - ignoring the said "humans" and going to the "proper authorities" - to no avail, because the said "humans" have a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde persona and so impossible to implicate) for a time. But then Random Person suddenly realize that "there is NO ONE coming" (and don't get me started on "God"...please!) and so Random Person decides to take matters in is own hands (i.e. retaliate - which is of course "evil" in the eyes of the said "humans" who think that trying to prevent yourself from being a "bloody corpse" is wrong). I mean here's the thought pattern behind this:

"The guy's weird, so we the "healthy", "well-adjusted", "normal" ones reserve the right to beat him up (or psychologically abuse him, by teasing, calling him names). And he can't fight back, no sir, he's weird, he doesn't have those rights! Isn't that what's "normal"? If he wants us to stop, HE should be the one adjust, because 'majority rules'! We don't have to respect his rights, because his being "weird"/"different" took those rights from him!"

Wow! The end of civilization as we know it!

Here's the article BTW:

The Columbine Shootings, April 20th, 1999:

Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, two members of the TCM (Trench Coat Mafia) at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado felt so outcast and harassed that they needed to shoot their tormenters. This, according to the media, is labeled a 'hate crime'. I guess the media is sending a message that it's okee dokee for kids to harass others, but it's a 'hate crime' to hate people for doing that to you.

The Trench Coat Mafia was just a bunch of students who wore trench coats to school. And, as usual, whenever there's a group of people that doesn't fit in with what society considers to be 'normal', that is, a good little biological robot marching in perfect lock-step, acting the same as everybody else, a name is put on them by other people. In this case, a jock, in 1998. They had a right not to have to conform to what other students thought of as normal. Or at least I think so. Of what use is a robot, or somebody who thinks, dresses, acts and talks exactly like everybody else? Just another cog in the machine, not an individual. If you eliminate all the people in your society who are different, you're going to be getting rid of most if not all artists, writers, fashion designers, or anybody else who thinks differently from the social norm. If you succeed, in time, everybody will be wearing the same clothes, there won't be any new TV shows or movies, nor artwork or anything creative.

The members of the Trench Coat Mafia weren't racist, nor were they into Nazism.

These students put up with years of abuse and harassment by fellow students. In the begining, it was mostly the jocks, but more of the students joined in the harassment. They had drinks poured on them, were called names, among them words intentionally hurtful like the slang name for a gay person, that starts with an F which I won't repeat here. The football players did body blocks on them, shoving them hard into lockers. They also had rocks, bottles, and cans and cups filled with soda pop thrown at them from the jocks who drove by in cars as they tried to ride home on their bicycles. The jocks also hit them with their cars while they were riding their bicycles.

In the cafeteria, they'd throw food at them.

One of them described it as being "Pure hell."

An actual quote by a 255 pound football player at the school:

“Columbine is a clean, good, place except for those rejects.” He added, “Sure we teased them. But what do you expect with kids who come to school with weird hairdos and horns on their hats? It’s not just the jocks; the whole school’s disgusted with them. If you want to get rid of someone, usually you tease ‘em. So the whole school would call them homos.’”

Gee, intolerance seems to be the norm at a lot of these schools, and is still going strong even after the shootings. Guess they didn't learn, and probably never will. What? You have a different haircut and you wear a hat that's different and the other students have a right to attack you?

This kind of thing happened a lot in front of teachers and students, but nobody did anything to stop it.

Most adults wouldn't put up with this kind of treatement, but this was done to children. Children who had enough problems trying to grow up in this cruel and sadistic world and trying to get an education without the added agravation of harassment, bullying, bodily harm, and possible death. And they wonder why children don't learn in school. Maybe they're more concerned with surviving another day than school work? When you're in survival mode almost every hour of every day at a school, math and all that other stuff doesn't matter. Making it through another day is all that matters. But, of course, the schools, parents, and teachers don't really care.

Then, of course, something snapped, and the events of April 20th, 1999 happened.

Okay, I realize that the news stories are just a little slanted, but this is open manipulation: They've published a video tape showing footage of the after-effects of the Columbine shootings, and with kids running out of the school, crying, all complete with emotionally manipulative music to control your emotional response. What's the deal? Are people really sheep? They like being led? Maybe we should just call them all sheeple, and be done with it.

It seems odd, really, that all the video tapes that were done by the two guys involved before the shootings telling why they were so upset isn't published, but the emotionally manipulative stuff is...

They should've put what they wanted to say on the Web, or made .avi files using a hidden video camera, possibly of kids teasing and bullying them, then shared it with others through file-sharing programs.

And what about Daniel Rohrbough? Was he shot and killed by Jefferson County sheriff's deputies as some claim? His parents say that he couldn't have been shot by Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris in the chest and gut because witnesses saw him running away from them. There seems to be a lot that's not being told...

For those thinking there was a third student shooting people, there wasn't. Eric Harris took off his duster after shooting a few rounds. Then continued wearing his white T-shirt. He even stopped for a few seconds to drink something in the cafeteria. Dylan Klebold took off his own duster in the school library. He wore a black T-shirt underneath his duster.

Btw, for any reporters reading this, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris weren't wearing real trench coats. They wore dusters. Try getting the facts straight, for just once.

And yes, I've heard about the Nazi stuff in some diary the cops 'confiscated'. Odd how things that are taken by some people the stuff is considered to be stolen, but when it's done by another group of people, it's called 'confiscating'...

More than likely, Dylan and Eric wanted to shock anybody reading it. Their actions prove that they weren't racist. You'll note that only two minorities were killed during the shootings, and I think at least one of them was a jock. That should tell you who their real targets were. Judge people by what they do, not by what they say. What people say in public or what they've written in diaries where they think snoopy people will read them shouldn't be taken for their true self. Otherwise, you'd have to believe everything a politician says. Frankly, I'm not that gullible.

Let's put it this way: Who would you consider to be more intolerant of somebody who was different from them either by the way they dress, or the color of their skin? A group of people who like being different, or jocks who openly admit they harassed them merely because they had different style of haircuts and wore different kinds of hats from them?

After Columbine, the students who were in the Trench Coat Mafia were silent, not wanting to tell their side of the story for fear of being attacked, again. Not only fearing for themselves, but for their families.

In August of 1999, the school district decided to start an anti-bullying program. Many people think that it's because it took the Columbine shootings to convince them that something was wrong. But I think it's because they wanted to make themselves look better in the public eye. Otherwise, they would've done something a lot sooner, knowing that this level of harassment was going on. But personally, I think it's just PR. The kids will act politically correct while in view of any teachers that they don't think they can get away with anything in front of, but once out of their view, they'll revert to their usual intolerant and sadistic ways, especially for anybody that's even slightly different from them. The quote by the football player above tells the real story. This is the way humans are.

What people have to realize someday is that they need to treat others as they themselves want to be treated. Not alienated, or made to feel like an outcast. Not ridiculed, not attacked. Nor assaulted with soda pop, rocks, bottles, or cars. Otherwise, those they hurt will hate them for it. Some will want hurt.

One of the final insults to Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold came when some guy destroyed the crosses that were left in memorial of their deaths, but left the remaining 13 alone. Even in death, they're made to feel as outcasts. :-(

Humans will never learn.

off to see "Goblet"

Been reading a few articles on CrimeLibrary.Com and gotten a bit (an understatement) shaken. Plunging into the "depths" of human "bestiality" or "evil" (how else would you call it?)...OUGHT to leave a "sane" person shaken - hey, I know my thought patterns are a bit abnormal at times, but I consider myself not "that" far out, although it's "interesting" -read: scary- to find that "some" of parts of the killers/murderers echo part(s) of myself -or of any other human being come think of it. But reading at CrimeLibrary & other similar sites helps one come to terms with their darker sides (you always know where/when to draw the line). Always hold on to the anchor of "compassion" (even if you think of letting go of it at times - because anything will seem "alright" when that anchor slips - believe me).

Besides there are "other" ways of "channeling" - no, not bottling it all up or even recognizing it, actions like that will lead to more disastrous results - aggression & violence than taking out your enemies or most probably some random person beside you (although there really were times when it's all very tempting). I for one wouldn't say I haven't got a "violent streak", but instead of beating those I despise to death, I resort to drawing (thank the Maker for my talents), sure my drawings (with the exception of portraits) tend to "emulate" violence and angst (I'm a fan of Silent Hill, DOOM, Resident Evil, Hellsing, Sin City, Kill Bill, Stephen King, Full Metal Jacket and Natural Born Killers as much as I am of Lord of the Rings, the Harry Potter Series, Narnia and the NeverEnding Story) but that's just about it.

In the end there's always a huge difference between "thinking" and "doing".You may have fantasized about ripping off someone's head your whole life, but CHOOSING not to implement that fantasy is always the hallmark of a human being and what separates you from Ted Bundy or Joel Rifkin or Jeffrey Dahmer. Of course, I still believe "some" people (about 1% of the population) are "just wired wrong" (how else would you explain the "Poisoner of London", who started his murderous career at 7 or 8 years old? Or how about Mary Bell who started at 10?)

Where's Dumbledore when I need him?? :)

Anyway! Anyway! Enough of that! Never meant for this post to be THIS long. Got a bit carried away. Sorry! :)

I'm off to seeing "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" tomorrow. "Chronicles of Narnia" not being far behind. I'm writing a review if I can manage. :) Have a nice weekend, everyone!

Out of the Shadowlands and into the "Palace"

My "story" made it to "Raven Days" (under the title: "A Tale From the Shadowlands"). It's a place for a bunch of people like me. Thanks to Ms. Meridith Dixon for taking time. It's nice to know there are "lots" out there who share similar experience(s) and that most, if not all, are moving on with their lives. I've also been reading a couple of articles written by Mr. John Katz from Slashdot (I especially liked "Voices from the Hellmouth" and "The Price of Being Different"). As it has become very annoying to be repeatedly told - both directly and indirectly - that you have "some kind of a problem", when you "know" that is not the case (if anything, they are the ones who seem to have a problem).

Actually, I have another one of those "headaches". We had marketing today and while the people I'm with were a bunch of "laughs" (they loved making jokes and it was really fun), the whole "ride" was dizzying and it made me feel like throwing up. And right now, it's as if my brain had been shunted from side to side. What I want is to go to sleep and never wake up again - ah, I take that back - I wish to wake up a thousand years from now (can you say "Rip Van Winkle"?)

Heh. On a less "depressive" subject. I never thought I'd "follow" a Korean drama. But lately, I was taken to watching "Dae Jang Geum" (The Great Jang Geum/Jewel In the Palace). At least, it has some historical authenticity, and the main protagonist is not annoying, in fact she is very intelligent/creative (and her overall personality is quite "winsome"; very modest and nothing "too" perky, she seems to be a more pleasant version of Jane Eyre + I really like Jeong-ho Min -the "captain-guy"-...boohoo!). I especially liked the way the "Art of Cooking" was presented (although I tend to go scrounging for food everytime I watch this show, as the cuisine is literally mouth-watering ^.^) Oh, and the customs and costumes were nothing short of fascinating. Starts off pretty late, but I'm thinking of getting fan-subs. Now I'm really mad! :p

Back to a more serious topic:

I am on the brink...
on the edge...of a gaping (yawning) abyss. I am about to make an "earth-shaking" and "life-changing" decision (those are bits of exaggeration, mind you). I've done a lot of contemplation lately. I've been "plagued" with "signs" and "portents" and I believe it is time to act upon them. A conclusion regarding "the matter" is nearly made. A bit more introspection and I'll see "tobira no mokou e." :)

....

Come with me in the twilight of a summer night for a while
Tell me of a story never ever told in the past

Take me back to the land
Where my yearnings were born
The key to open the door is in your hand
Now fly me there

Fanatics find their heaven in never ending storming wind
Auguries of destruction be a lullaby for rebirth

Consolations, be there
In my dreamland to come
The key to open the door is in your hand
Now take me there

I believe in fantasies invisible to me
In the land of misery I'm searchin' for the sign
To the door of mystery and dignity
I'm wandering down, and searchin' down the secret sun
Come with me in the twilight of a summer night for awhile
Tell me of a story never ever told in the past

Take me back to the land
Where my yearnings were born
The key to open the door is in your hand
Now take me there
To the land of twilight

Note: Another nice song I've "discovered". My brother lent me a copy of .hack//SIGN" I think it's a good show, and I like the main protagonist, Tsukasa. His/Her - as he is a girl in the real world, only her "in-game" character is a guy - struggles I can relate to. And her/his attitude is somewhat similar to mine - a real introvert. ;pI still don't know who the singer is, but she sounds a lot like Enya and Loreena McKenitt.

"The Forgotten"

"Are you asocial or do you just enjoy living in the Antarctic?"
(both I think)

Now I know how Cloud Strife and Squall Leonhart feels!
*sigh*
I received a text message from my friend "Miriam", just this morning. She basically said, "Hello. Have you forgotten me?"Jesus-bleedin'-Christ! First it's my brother, who practically accused me of "ignoring", "forgetting" and "taking him for granted", because according to what my mother said (apparently, he unloaded his woes on her) I don't talk to him much (come to think of it I haven't spoken to him for weeks - and I'm not even mad or anything, I just "forgot" to speak to him) or that I come and leave the house without so much as "acknowledging" him. Right. People can be so hard to understand sometimes. I thought it was perfectly ok with him, turns out I was wrong.

I mean, he of all people should know me! I'm not exactly the "cuddly-bear" type. I don't "shower" affection to anybody (at least not "that" obviously). And yes, I don't speak that much (even at home). Touching and hugging is something that is very irksome/bothersome to me (I like to hug and be hugged sometimes, but ONLY in my own terms). Guess that makes me abnormal now, does it??! Grr! >.<

I have explained the matter several times before! It's not that I do not care for my brother (I buy him things -CDs & drawing materials- even if there is no occasion) or my friends or my family. It's a matter of personality. I happen to have a rich inner life which sustains me. And I guess the reason for the "distance" is that I often get "overwhelmed" when interacting with people (imagine opening a loaded furnace and having the fire full blast on your face!) I get "tired" (even if the conversation is intellectually stimulating). It's that simple! Why do you think I hate crowds, parties, meetings? Have you had that impression of "drowning"? It's like standing outside, naked, in the middle of a hurricane! Can you picture that?? Can you?? I can't stand the noise (it's like loud, "rythm-less" static), swirling about in colourless clouds, the smell (oh, yes, the smell is "overpowering", not exactly repugnant, but the smell of the "collective" is sometimes enough to make someone faint! and I'm NOT exaggerating!!)

Hmm...you know what? My vision of "peace" had always been this: Standing in the middle of a wheat/flower field, with the sun setting, my arms embracing the vastness of the sky,nothing but the sound of birds and animals and the wind on my face. Ala "Gladiator", when Maximus goes to the Elysian Fields. That is the reason why Gandalf's words (about "death") on "The Return of the King" had such an impact on me: "....and the grey rain curtain of this world rolls back, and all will turn to silver-glass....and then you see it...White shores... and beyond. The far green country under a swift sunrise. "

And now, "Miriam" thinks I've forgotten her (*sigh* - If I could only resort to mental telepathy!) Well, I sure did forget her birthday (my mistake, I admit). I honestly didn't think it would matter (I for one, couldn't care less if my parents & friends forgot my birthday, I mean, who cares?? It's just a "date"! Jesus Christ!) This is the Nth time I've been accused of "coldness" and "thoughtlessness". I'm almost used to it! I have a, shall we say, "low" need for human interaction...but does that equate to "coldness"?!?! Really!

*sigh* But wait, there are people I consider part of my "Ka-tet", we have this "connectedness" that has nothing to do words or "cuddlyness" or all that "superficial caring" sh*t. We have been friends for 6 years now, the three of us. We have basically the same "inclination", but not the "personality". I remember, we once had a little "misunderstanding", which led to us not speaking to one another for a considerable length of time. But one day, we decided to just "talk". No "I'm so sorry." yadda...yadda. We never mentioned the incident again, and resumed our friendship. We still have little disagreements over matters but that can be solved with our combined efforts.

And the best thing about this friendship is that we never "require" one another to text, say "gushy words" (we'd jump off a cliff before we do - of course we counsel each other when we have problems, but we have an entirely different approach!) or even meet regularly (what would you expect, we love gallows humour, that sort of thing). There are periods when we won't see each other for months, but when we do meet again, the "connection" is still there, never broken by time, it's as if we just saw one another yesterday! Isn't that the most wonderful thing??

Finally, a quote from a website about introverts:
"It is very difficult for an extravert to understand an introvert. Therefore the extravert may see the introverted person as someone with a problem, not as simply someone with a different personality type. This may lead to attempts to get them to be 'friendlier,' to work in larger groups, to talk more often and more spontaneously, and to be more outgoing and interactive. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. It does not need to be cured. It simply needs to be understood and accepted."

Close Encounters with the Gal-Lum Kind

It's a small world they say. What transpired yesterday was an evidence (sorry, this post will be a bit more incoherrent than usual, as the guy behind me happened to be playing music loud enough to wake the dead...jesus christ, whatever happened to civilization?)

....and thou shalt not "lift his own chair."

I'm a bit annoyed by someone's fruitless effort to "lift his own chair" (this is a literal translation of an old tagalog "proverb")...tsk...tsk...I have met this person once or twice (many times when he was still a kid), I would think he was a "basically ok person". It just so happens that he gets on my nerves. He is guilty of being a "braggart" (for lack of a more suitable word). But I don't know, maybe it's just me.

...

This one sort of reminded me of Integral Hellsing. :D Ah, hell, another "thoughtless" post. Just one of my most favourite songs (and artist as well).

Winter by Tori Amos

Snow can wait
I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose
Get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart
When I think of winter
I put my hand in my father's glove

I run off where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice
"You must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I can't alyways be around"

He says
when you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change
so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I'm here still waiting
Withering where some snowman was
Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
But I only can see myself
skating around the truth
who I am
But I know, dad, the ice is getting thin

Hair is grey and the fires are burning
So many dreams on the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself

When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear
Never change
All the white horses

"it's raining outside, aren't they??!" ^_^

Found this interesting quote:
"Once someone said that if a million monkeys were typing 24/7 they should one day reproduce the works of Shakespeare - Now, thanks to the Internet, this has been proven untrue."

I'm included in the "marketing" team today and they're quite a funny lot. The laughs compensated for the headache and sun burn. *lol* :) And the people we met along the way weren't so bad either. Most are quite polite and behaved like proper human beings. :D

Once again, the current situation is all "sound and fury, signifying nothing." I am thinking about becoming a member of "The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to English" and "The Association of People Who Would Rather Shut Up Than Belt Incorrect Lyrics". Because I get lots of unintentional laughs around. *wink* *grins* Wait, we must exercise maximum tolerence. And I think that's what I am doing, to the dismay of my ears. :)

"...sound and fury, signifying nothing..."

There. Just to summarize the current situation.

Yahoo! Yehey! Ang saya ng lola mo!

This is probably the first entry in which I am particularly "happy". Weird isn't it? I am happy. Euphoric, extremely glad and immensely pleased!

Finally, all that work (yes, well I consider being an artist/illustrator a serious occupation - why do you think I'm keen on improving my style? - and all fall secondary to it, including family, and er..friends - unless they happen to be artists as well) seems to be paying off! Starting in "small" amounts of course. *grins widely* But paying off nonetheless.

Here's what happened, I recently made a deal with a certain Mr. Skye Smith (an art collector) from Illinois USA. He'd buy my rendition of Queen Amidala (in all her "pre-senate" glory) for $30.00 (roughly P1,680.00) plus the cost of shipping and handling (he'd shoulder this as well). Wha! Talk about a very pleasant surprise! :D I'm glad I did not give that drawing away! What's more, he'd asked me to draw several more pieces and he'd buy them as well! :D (rawwwrr!)

Now if I could just move on to the second bit of my "battle plan". :D I'd probably have to invest something on Patrick Reid's (Phat's "Lord Tuvitor) new book, "The Chronicles of Tirlannon" Saga (part one - The Freedom Fighter - is out), but once I get the sample illustrations sent to him (he's been quite appreciative of my Phat artworks). I just might become the book's official illustrator! (hehehe..sounds like a long shot, right? but maybe not...look at Tolkien illustrator Ted Nasmith or The Hildebrandt Brothers).

Words can't explain how happy I am now... "para akong naka-drugs". tee-hee!

As an added bonus, I particularly liked the way my new "Maximus Decimus Meridius from Gladiator"
came out. :D (click link to view)

....the unbearable crappiness of being...Part II

As it turns out, I did not die (not physically anyway). Just got a bit tired, all that walking (but that ain't too bad either). So far everything went "fine", just as long as I didn't have to open my mouth. ;)

Got a bit of a headache though. But that didn't last long either.

I've sent the payment for an item I won on E-Bay (today). Finally, a copy of "Silence of the Lambs" novel within my grasp. I've been outbid on Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (but I decided to let it go). The costs of shipping almost cover that of a new copy (but I think this one was the British Edition). I'm also tracking a wonderful new item, Books 1-6 of Stephen King's Dark Tower Series.

I found Dark Tower books on National Bookstore. "Wizard and Glass", "The Wastelands", "The Song of Susanah", "Wolves of the Calla" and "The Dark Tower" - the last part - I'm missing "The Gunslinger" (which I saw on Diplomat and I deeply regret NOT buying it) and "The Drawing of the Three". I'm planning on getting "Wizard and Glass" or maybe "The Wastelands" - both of which being great editions. But it wouldn't be good to have a "fragmented" (that is to say not chronologically) read.

I've also noticed that the main protagonist of Dark Tower, Roland of Gilead bears a personality resemblance to Hellblazer's John Constantine (no, not the movie, please! Constantine is NOT supposed to look like Keanu Reeves...and the way they "butchered" the story...excuse me). Roland sacrifices those closest to him (even the "love" of his life and his "son") - the way Constantine does - in exchange for fulfilling his life's mission (that is stopping the Crimson King from "undermining" the Dark Tower). By book seven almost all members of Roland's Ka-tet have either died or been left behind (with the exception of Oy). I mean, he can be friendly (when he really wants to), but is usually distant (a direct quote from Wiki). So he's another Anti-Hero. :D

....the unbearable crappiness of being...

I'm going to be sick tomorrow!

I HONESTLY wish to be sick! Maybe I could break a leg or something? (on second thought, maybe not!) Or have a bad case of LBM? (is there even a good case of LBM? Given my current circumstance, this might be the very first case of "good" LBM. Yes, it's THAT bad!) How about a severe attack of nasal allergies? The possibilities are endless, really. But it would look too obvious. Okay! So I want to skive off work tomorrow! Big deal. Because I am "scheduled". Yes, "scheduled". To be burnt at the stake.

What I'm being asked to do (tomorrow) seems LIKE A WALK IN A DUNG HILL...(hills more likely!) Believe me. It makes me want to channel the spirit of Johnner (ah, what? he's STILL alive?) and say "______ man, what a sh*t hole!"

Wish dear Aunt Wendy would hurry up with my papers. So I could get a move on, as the situation is getting weiz & weiz. >.< In other words, my only option would be to use my "Limit Break" (which one? maybe...uh...Desperado? Or Blood Pain? The Great Divide, perhaps?)

Hey, maybe breaking a leg won't be too bad after all. ;) Given the situation. Sure, sure, I might come off it alive (physically anyway).

You are a Child of the 80's when...

Are You One of Us?

1. Paborito mong panoorin ang Shaider, Bio-man, Maskman, Mask Rider Black, Machine Man at kung ano-anong TV sitcom ng Japan na isinalin sa Tagalog. Break muna sa mga laro kapag alas singko na ng hapon tuwing Sabado dahil panahon na para sa superhero marathon. [humanda na kayo...kampon ng kadiliman....]

2. Alam mo ang jingle ng Nano-Nano. (isang kending lasang champoy)

3. Nanood ka ng Takeshi's Castle at naniwala kang si Anjo Yllana talaga si Takeshi at si Smokey Manaloto ang kanyang alalay. (Pinagiisipan mo - pano sila lumalaban sa final challenge na parang nakasakay sila sa isang bumpcar at nagbabarilan sila gamit ang water gun gayong sa Japan ginagawa yun eh taga Pilipinas sila?)

4. Alam mo ang pa-contest ng Kool 106 na uulit-ulitin mong bigkasin ang "Kool 106, Kool 106" hanggang maubusan ka ng hininga.

5. Naglaro ka ng Shake-Shake Shampoo, Monkey-Monkey-Annabelle,
prikidam 123, Langit-Lupa-Impyerno, Syato, Luksong-Tinik, Luksong-Baka, 10-20 at kung ano-ano pang larong nakakapagod.

6. Pumunta ang mga taga-MILO sa skul niyo at namigay sila ng
samples na nakalagay sa plastic cup na kasing laki nung sa maliit na ice cream. (at nagtaka ka, bakit hindi ganito ang lasa ng MILO kapag tinitimpla ko sa bahay namin?)

7. May malaking away ang mga METAL (mga punks na naka itim) at mga HIPHOP (mga taong naka maluwang na puruntong na kahit Makita na ang dalawang bundok.)Nag-aabangan sa mall na may dalang baseball bat at kung anu-ano pang mga sandata. Sikat ang kasabihang "PUNKS NOT DEAD!" pero kung gusto mong mag play safe, pwede mong tawagin ang sarili mong HIPTAL.

8. Alam mo ang universal uwian song na "Uwian na!" na kinakanta sa tono na parang doon sa kinakasal.

9. Nagpauto ka sa Batibot pero hindi sa ATBP. [hahahaha!! totoo yan!!]

10. Nakipag-away ka para makapaglaro ng brick game. (hi-tech na yun noon) [hahaha...makikipag-away ako sa classmate pag di naka-laro! ]

11. Ang "text" noon ay mga 1"x1.5" na karton na may mga drawing ng pelikulang pinoy. (at may dialog pa!) [madami akong collection nyan]

12. Dalawa lang ang todong sumikat na wrestler, si Hulk Hogan at si Ultimate Warrior. Naniwala ka rin na namatay si Ultimate Warrior nang buhatin niya si Andre d' Giant dahil pumutok ang mga ugat niya sa muscle. [parang may nangyari din atang ganyan kay Hulk Hogan]

13. Nagsayaw ka ng running man at kung anu-anong dance steps na nakapagpamukha sa'yong tanga sa saliw na kantang Ice Ice Baby, Wiggle It, Pray at Can't Touch This. [can't touch this....tarararan...can't touch this]

14. Hindi ka gaanong mahilig sa That's Entertainment at pinapanood mo lang ito tuwing Sabado kung saan nagpapagandahan ng production numbers ang Monday hanggang Friday group. (at badtrip ka sa Wednesday group dahil pinakabaduy lagi ang performance nila!) [er..yan lang ang di ko napanood, inaantok ako lagi...]

15. Napaligaya ka ng maraming pinoy bands tulad ng Yano, Rivermaya, Grin Department, Tropical Depression, The Teeth, The Youth, After Image,Orient Pearl, The Dawn, Alamid, Wolfgang, at ang sikat na sikat na Eraserheads. (at aminin mong nakinig ka ng Siakol!) [oo! hindi ko itinatanggi!]

16. Kilala mo ang Smokey Mountain, (first and second generation)

17. Hindi pa uso noon ang sapatos na may gulong. Noon, astig ka kapag umiilaw ang swelas ng sapatos mo tuwing ia-apak mo ito. Tinawag rin itong "Mighty Kid".

18. Kung lalaki ka, sikat na sikat sa'yo ang mga larong text, jolens, dampa (mga unang anyo ng pustahan), saranggola at ang dakilang manika niyo ay si GI-JOE with alipores.

19. Kung babae ka naman, ang mga laro mo with you're girlfriends ay luto-lutuan, bahay-bahayan, doktor-doktoran, at kung anu-ano pang pagkukunwari . ang dakilang manika mo ay si Barbie. (Sikat ka kung meron kang bahay, kotse at kabaong ni Barbie.) [kabaong ni Barbie??]

20. Naniwala kang original ang isang cap kapag may walong tahi sa visor nito.

21. Swerte ka kapag panghapon ka dahil masusubaybayan mo ang mga kapanapanabik na kaganapan sa mga paborito mong cartoon shows tuwing umaga tulad ng Cedie, Sarah, at Dog of Flaunders a.k.a. Nelo. (Hindi ka ba nagtataka na sa lahat ng mga bida sa cartoons na ito, si Nelo lang ang di yumaman at namatay pa ng maaga) [ak! napakasakit kuya eddie!]

22. Alam mo ang ibig sabihin ng "TIME FIRST!"

ehehehe...gusto ko lang idag-dag...uso rin nun yung "Million Dollar Movies"(kung saan 2 beses kong napanood ang "The Fly"), Friday the 13th the Series, Mission Impossible the Series (kung saan may mga sumasabog na computer at mga taong nagpapalit ng anyo sa pamamagitan ng rubber masks na mukhang totoong-totoo at sa end ng bawat episode tinatanggal nila ito), Steven Spielberg's Amazing Stories, Star Trek (to boldly go where no one has gone before! tanananan!) Eerie Indiana (wag mong sabihing hindi mo kilala sina Marshall at Simon at ang napaka wirdong lugar ng Eerie, Indiana POP 800), He-Man & The Masters of the Universe (ang walang kamatayang "I have the Pooooweeeeerrr!") Conan the Barbarian, yung War of theWorlds (kung saan malalaman mong ang isang tao ay na-assimilate na ng alien kapag kumakain na sila ng damo sa backyard at may extra hand na lumalabas sa dibdib!)

nandyan din ang tanong na "Who killed Laura Palmer?"ng Twin Peaks (nagpa-contest pa ang ABS noon kung sino makaka-hula sa killer - napag-alaman sa huli na yung ama pala nya ang salarin na na-possess ng ispiritong nag-ngangalang "BOB"!). Ito rin ang mga panahon kung kailan si tatay ay adik sa NYPD Blue at Forever Knight (kung saan ang bida ay isang pulis na bampira na may stock ng dugo sa ref nya!) At sino ba ang makakalimot sa "Baywatch" (na pinagbibidahan ni David Hasselhoff - tama ba spelling?) Tapos dumating pa ang The Uncanny X-Men (tanananan-nanan...tanananan!) Nung mga panahong yun eh ang basa pa namin sa Wolverine eh "Wolver-rayn"...ahahaha...

ito rin ang panahon kung kailan naisipang patayin ng DC Comics si Superman, at ng Marvel Comics si Ghost Rider. :(

At sino ba ang hindi nakarinig sa Operation Desert Storm at Desert Fox (uy, may t-shirt ako nun...hehehe), ang "Invasion of Kuwait"....? and on 1993? 1991? yung Bosnian War.

Nostalgia: I Remember the days when...

Princesa/Prince Igamu
Hikari Sentai Maskman 1987

Just a bit nostalgic today (not to mention a bit lethargic too - you know, the thought of getting out of bed seems to require gargantuan effort -). Anyway, found this picture (above) while randomly searching some stuff related to the "continental style" uniform - i keep running into "afrika corps" websites, seems that particular style originated from the german army). The picture was a bit small, but no matter. At last I'll be able to draw her.

I grew up on "sentai" (japanese for task force - not that "other" one! - you sukebe..you.!) and "tokusatsu". I wish they'd bring it back, preferrably on evenings and during Sundays, in place of those irksome (and generally shallow, no offense) "tele/korean novelas". It's about time, I think. Particular faves include "Hikari Sentai Maskman" (light task force maskman) - great story, quite complex characters (just take a look at Igamu - mine idol.hehehe - and Kiros), with the added bonus of seeing "familiar" stuff - and besides I've never seen the ending; Kamen (masked) Rider Black - sniff, sniff! this show made me er...cry several times - i was in the fifth grade, i think, the whole theme of brotherhoood and what it means to be human etc, especially the ending). Great themes too, I liked "Ai No Soldier" and "Long, Long Ago 20th Century" the best.

I remember me and my bro would play "Maskman" (or Shaider...nope I'm NOT Ani, I usually play the High Priestess Yda -using the long broom as a staff), he would be "Red Mask" (Michael Joe/Takeru) and I would be his rival Princesa Igamu, we would simulate sword fighting (ek..sometimes jumping up and down the tables and chairs, to the detriment of our parents) and power blasts (swish! kapow!), not to forget the "poses" - Red One!...Yellow Four! Pink Five! - knocking over certain house-hold fixtures in the process! There was one time when we decided to construct a make-shift version of "ang binog ng kamatayan" (The Circle of Death), using the "kulambo" (mosquito net). I think we tore it in places. :D Ahahaha!

We constructed several stories too. Our very first, I think, was "The Adventures of Jamie & Vultril". Jamie was my Barbie doll and Vultril was his toy robot. They go on Maskman-like adventures, kicking the ass of evil guys (but we added some depth by making Vultril a "former bad guy" and his brother was the main enemy, I think). Then there was our first comic book (X-something), I think the main character there was called Raven and we also had Brain-something, and we code-named a character "Moron" (the story was somewhat convulted - I was in Grade V and he was in Grade II! - we started on Episode 45...hahaha!) That "Moron" (a slimy, back-stabbing, shape-shifting maniac) character became loads of laughs years later (I mean, who on Earth would want to code name themselves "Moron?!" unless... :D)

Last Sunday's Full Metal Alchemist episode "Ang Pamamaalam" (The Final Goodbye) was just...great and sad. Lt. Col. Maes Hughes died in the hands of a homunculus (Envy, I think - although Lust and Sloth are also present), hence the episode title. The dialogue and imagery were both haunting/chilling (Envy shape-shifted into Hughes' wife then shot him) and moving (especially that of Hughes waving -in sepia tones- on the train platform - a great comic panel to be sure). Will herald the second part of the adventures of brothers Edward and Alphonse Elric. Will they be able to find the true "Philosopher's Stone" and restore their original bodies (most specifically Al who was now a "living armor" as a result of Ed's "human transmutation" fiasco)? We'll see. I expect more information about Scar and the people of Ishval (the Ishval rebellion and why they ("really") were massacred by the state military?)

Annoy-nt-ment

I am Annoyed. Irritated, Bothered, Irked, Vexed, Provoked, Aggravated, Peeved, Riled.
Got the point? I'm a bit..."displeased". And that's putting it lightly. >.<

Not to mention, that throbbing headache seemed to have made another unwelcome comeback. Followed by that disconcerting "throb" above and behind my eyes. I hope I don't get a nose bleed like last time. I'm going home straightaway.
Just today. >.<

It's like all the blood decided to leave other parts of my body and exclusively occupy my head. It seems that my temper's close to the surface (and to the boiling point) again! (and I've always worked so hard to "keep it in the back burner"!)

M.E.A.B.

• yes, "mine ears are bleeding" (severely and profusely!)
• excessive "sound - i mean "song"- pollution", if anyone could catch my drift. (lol) :D
• but i am exercising -or trying to exercise- maximum tolerance (the sounds currently playing you see, are not to my liking), but that does not lessen the fact that mine ears are still bloody! lol. :D
• the downside of not having my trusty sounds and earphones with me when i'm working (to cover "undesirable" noise(s) *grins*

a choice between what's right and what's easy

Well, nine (9) days to go before "Goblet of Fire" movie. I'm quite excited! Not that I'm not aware that it could take months before the movie "actually" got here. Look at "Revenge of the Sith". It opened on August, but the local theaters got it by June. One month later. Not too bad. I might have to settle for "pirated editions" for a while (er...just kidding?) I'm seeing it on the "big screen".

What else? "Bad mood" just passed. Thank goodness. I've been walking around for 2 days feeling very much "pissed off". At what, I couldn't really point out. It's "one of those days". But just this morning the "dark cloud" lifted. I'm quite sure it will be back sometime, but for now I'm "fine", not exactly happy but not "mad" either, which was more than I could hope for.

I could finally finish the other portraits, Dwayne Hicks in particular. The uniform was quite hard to do, as well as the background (guns and a grenade launcher). But I'm very satisfied about the way it was turning out. :D *grins* Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie) would probably take a long time to finish. But no hurrying, like I said before.

The picture on the above left's my latest Deviantart entry. see @ http://www.leiaskywalker83.deviantart.com - Harry Potter sporting his task garb.

always...The Hours

Back from a long and "fruitful" vacation. I have finally made some definite progress with my technique, I've managed the figure out how to blend the skin tones quite perfectly. The trick it seems, was not the complete absence of lines - as I have thought earlier - but integrating them so well so that one does not stand out too prominently (thereby making your drawing more cartoonish than realistic). There's also something about the borders - people don't have "line borders" after all. I'm quite satisfied with my present work (Maximus from Gladiator was turning out better than I expected - looks like a photograph - , as well as a supremely detailed Angelina Jolie portrait - down to the sweat, the freckles, and yes, the pores, the technique was to do it inch by inch and without hurrying). I might achieve "photo realism" after all, without resorting to more expensive materials (the price of the bristol pencil set was, as expected, astronomical - i'm not too sure if I could manage to afford it, as of now.) I made a J-Lo portrait earlier (just to see if i could manage), but I committed it to the trash bin after a while, hardly seems worth the pencil.

I rented three movies for the holidays. "The Hours" (succeeding paragraphs),"Aishte Imasu" (quite a fine film, once you get past the squeamish-ness and the prejudice, you might actually enjoy it) and "Blood Work" (not too excited about this one, the "killer" thing was easy to spot coming from a mile away, but the fact that it HAS Clint Eastwood, makes up for all the "cons").

We also had the "spaghetti thing" in celebration of my brother's birthday (Oct. 30). I've gotten those Hellsing CDs at last - first six episodes - liked "Sword Dancer" the best, as well as "Innocent as a Human". Great musical score too (very "gothic" - haunting piano tunes and equally haunting vocals - they're more like "chants" actually - superimposed with/to angry guitars, always a nice combination). "Logos Naki World" - A world without logos, might also be translated as "a world without God" - mostly gibberish, but you get the "gist" after a while, is starting to grow on me - although I liked the ending theme "Shine" first). Japanese subtitles, the translations were not bad (at least they used "proper" english). Quite violent and with touches of black humour - NOT for everyone. I'm still missing 4 CDs (13 episodes - 7 cds). Can't wait to see "Master of Monster" (easily the best episode, or so I've read) ^__^

Right. Where was I?

I'm giving a "blurb" review of "The Hours" (recently added to my "favourite films" list).

W.t.F?! >.<

I am EXTREMELY annoyed! And I have been for about three days in a row.

The first day was because..hmmm..can't remember much, probably lack of proper sleep, but I really can't be sure. I'm just..I don't know..feeling a bit "snappish".

The second day, it was because I waited in line for too long at the Centro Supermarket...ehem!..."express lane" counter... (i was on the verge of shouting, "Kindly remind me again WHY this is CALLED the EXPRESS LANE??!), because the cashier had some "trouble" with a certain product code or what not...and there were lots of "passing throughs", "asking questions" and "kindly wait". I ended up paying at another counter.. (the 20+ items or more type) and I got it a lot faster than the so-called express lane. That was a bit irrational of me, I must admit. Oh, and I remembered going into a store where the "sales people" behave like...yes...Trolls. My point was, WHY go into customer service if you can't handle it?? I for one, KNOW that I can't deal with too many people (because I have "quite a temper"). Therefore, I would NEVER go into customer service! I'd choose less "people" oriented or mostly solitary jobs (which was what I think I'd done). But no, these people are different. They'd be better off as sepulchers somewhere, I know. And what's up with sales people who insist on dogging your footsteps while you browse through?! I haven't found anything MORE annoying than that. "I will ask for your help when I need it, thank you. Now, kindly leave me in peace while I have a look around. Don't worry, I'm not a shop lifter or anything. Oh, and I can also read and think for myself -so you won't need to buzz around like a mosquito- what I don't know, I'll ask!" There are also sales people who cannot seem to answer with a concise "yes" or "no". They go "yes, and...blah, blah, blah" or "no, but...blah, blah, blah". And the more they blab, the more I lose interest in remotely buying anything. Mostly happens in clothing/accessory stores - yes, even in "brand" stores, but less frequent - I've lost interest in buying clothes sometime ago (the repeated "trying ons" and preening in the dressing room mirror was just not my "way"), these days I just give my size and ask my mother or a friend to get it for me. I'm not too "fussy" with clothes so...not much of a problem.

Hmmmm...what I'm about to say next may be somewhat related. I used to "watch" my cousin's mini-store in Sta. Rosa, Laguna (I was 15? 16?) The reason I got "kicked out" - but not really, because I had a bad case of head cold and nasal allergies - too much pollution - I decided to go home - was (maybe) because I was "too honest" with customers and yes, you've guessed it, I have a nasty temper when "provoked". There was one guy who kept asking "is this original?" (of course I was quite "nice" -or as nice as I can be at the be - at the beginning, I told him the sound was quite alright) - pertaining to a "pirated cd/tape" - and it was clear that he really wasn't going to buy anything, I replied with a very terse, "Obvious, isn't t?! If you're looking for original cd's go to either Oddessey or Radiocity!" That's when I learned my lesson. I won't get into customer service.

Besides, I only frequent (in person) stores like National Bookstore (no dogging, no blabbing, sales clerk stands like Buckingham Palace guards until you ask them something, no overly-solicitous and very fake looking smiles - just a simple "welcome" and "come back soon" was quite enough), BookSale and Odessey.

The third day (meaning today!) - back to the main topic - it was because of another customer "asking questions" again, but I have explained all the facts and principles to her months ago, very clearly! But as Hermione put it, her head seems to be "thicker than a concussed troll"! A little "technicality" won't kill you, I swear!

What we do in life echoes in eternity...

Just finished Mary Jane Watson (image on the left, also found in my Online Gallery - http://www.leiaskywalker83.deviantart.com. I intended to do Lara Croft - an exceptionally detailed one, mind you), But I changed my mind. Instead, I'd draw Russell Crowe, as he appeared in the movie Gladiator - Maximus Decimus Meridius, what a name! If I'd be lucky to have a son, I'd name him exactly that. hehehe. - (watched it last night, two times.hehe.the ending's still a semi-tear jerker - the part where he finally goes to home would always get me. I wonder, where would I go? I have a very good idea).

I'd do Richard Harris next (as Emperor Marcus Aurelious) and maybe Connie Nielsen (as Lucilla), I'm not really sure if I'd include Joaquin Pheonix as Commodus (I find his character both pitiful and loathsome).

Harry Potter and The Confederacy of Dunces

I found several Anti-Harry Potter (there's currently a campaign by "uber-christians" to ban Harry Potter merchandise because they allegedly promote paganism, witchcraft, and interest in the occult! - of course, ignoring all other more important values promoted in the book - such as loyalty, humility, friendship and courage in the face of dire circumstances) articles while surfing the net during lunch hour. Gave me loads of laugh and then some amount of irritation. Majority of the essays were downright mental! (most were written by so-called experts, pastors of various churches, "christian fundamentalists" as well as a bunch of self-righteous individuals/groups who think that any kind of departure from the so-called "norm" ought to be punishable by death...O_o) Literary rubbish to be sure (particularly a "novel" ^0^ written by one Michael D. O'Brien), although I did try to become "objective" in considering their arguments.

One of their strongest arguments was that too much exposure to the "evil that is Harry Potter" would thereby cause children to become enamored in the occult and "forget their christian roots" (which according to them is the source of all that is good - hmmm? has anyone heard of the Crusades?). Anyway, let's put it this way, I'm a videogamer and I play really violent games (Medal of Honour, Resident Evil, Silent Hill - shooting people and disturbing imagery's the norm in games like these). But do you see me shooting people in real life??

Open Mouth, Insert Foot! O_o

Edit: I was right. He did see it at The Force. Net. :)

Just had a semi-embarassing incident concerning a fan mail (eh?! believe it or not, I have managed to garner so-called "fans" - I have recently received a set of CDs from a certain Jenny Kong from the US, a fellow DeviantArt-ist, although this was most likely due to the fact that we are both Full Metal Alchemist fans). Mainly from submitting art works to various websites like Phatooine.Net, DeviantArt.Com and IrkenEmpire.Com (Home of Star Wars Alternate Universe - in which I'm a regular illustrator). Maybe I'll quit and become a full-time illustrator instead. Fat chance, though. ;)

The "incident" started when I received an email from a guy called Eddie (he even sent me his photo - in full Colorado Army National Guard uniform - holding a combat rifle o_o), in which he told me how much he appreciates the emotional content of my work(s). "Very deep", he said (although for some reason I'm a bit perplexed by this description. Very deep? very deep??). At the same time, he also asked me if I could write back and explain the idea or ideas behind (inspiration, background, how it was done most likely) the work(s). So, I responded quite enthusiastically. I described my various works as he asked, telling him my personal insight. I clicked the "send" button and off the letter goes!

A few minutes later, I got a very confused response. Apparently he was talking about artworks which I have failed to mention in my email - in other words, it was entirely something else! - he says it was "the Amidala and Vader" picture (likely a digitally created montage), which I cannot remember making (I have submitted various stuff at the web and I can't seem to remember most of it nowadays, except for the ones at DA, Phat and IE). He must have seen it at TFN or Moons of Iego, or some site I can no longer recall! And there I was rambling on and on about "Goodnight Padme", "Skywalker Family" and "Young Anakin" portraits! hah! embarrassing...eeeeeeeeemmmmmbarrrassssing. :lol:

Excuse me while I go crawl under a rock where I belong. :D

Go to the right back alley...you can find anything.

nothing much going on. be right back.

EDIT: Back, found this very interesting stuff on Reethinking Life followed the link from The Gil Mind.

7 things that used to scare me (btw, some of them still scare me):

1. sound of the power saw (chainsaw) - my number one fear. we used to live near a lumber owned land (Bay, Laguna), the sound of the chainsaw will cause me to climb the table or hide in any other area where i feel i'd be safe (there was an incident wherein i tried to climb my father's back!).
   
2. aswang/manananggal/freddy kreuger/jason voorhees/ - all sorts of fictional monsters, especially the "cha bun kwa" (w/c was actually the name of a lion in an old reader's digest issue) and the "sipay" (they kidnap young children, or so my parents say).
3. wells and deep, dark holes on the ground.
   
4. darkness (dark places)
5. failure
6. humiliation
   
7. certain kinds of people.
   

7 things that scare me now:

1. failure
2. losing my right hand (aka my drawing hand)
   
3. not being able to transform my thoughts into artworks (there are times when my creative juices run dry - i get intensely scared and frustrated)
   
4. getting very horrible injuries.
5. being bogged down by chronic depression/obssessive tendencies.
   
6. losing my mind.
   
7. not knowing my purpose

7 things i like the most:

1. books
2. sketch pads (all sorts of drawing paper), pencils, ink
   
3. video games (i'm a playstation addict - especially survival-horror and rpgs)
   
4. food
5. psychology, crime, the paranormal
   
6. witty jokes
   
7. music (can go from rock to classical)
   

7 random facts about me

1. I like spending a great deal of my time alone (especially when i'm working on something).
   
2. I'm often thought of as someone aloof, inconsiderate and even self-centered (i forget birthdays, forget to call or text my friends, and even forget to apologize etc.) But I bear no ill intentions, things just happen to slip from my mind. heh.
   
3. I like eating "viscera" or "entrails" (excluding human ones!) - I especially prefer the heart, brains and lungs.
   
4. I suffer from mild to severe mood swings and chronic absent-mindedness -here but not here-.
   
5. I hate overwhelming odours (perfumes, smoke) - although I happen to like the smell of gasoline and rugby! O_o
   
6. I like to read.
7. I like to drink vinegar (this i don't know why!)
   

7 important things in my bedroom: the bedroom, hmmm. but i sleep in the "sala" now.

1. my cabinet(s), where I store my various collections.
2. clothes (of course).
   
3. movie collection.
   
4. pencils & papers/sketch book(s) - (have to have one handy in case i get a sudden impulse to draw something!)
   
5. CD player/CDs
   
6. the playstation/game cds
   
7. books

7 things i plan to do before i die (seems too early for that): because according to www.deathclock.com i'm set to hit the grave on 2056. hehehe!

1. paint and draw (as many as i possibly can!) or illustrate a book.
   
2. actually finish a story (i've had lots of ideas but i run out of steam before i could actually come down to writing it! or i finish a couple of chapters but suddenly suffer from writer's block!) or publish a comic book.
   
3. visit transylvania, alcatraz, auschwitz (and all the nazi camps all over europe) and the holocaust memorial.
   
4. stabilize the family finances.
   
5. build a cabin/house on a remote, mountainous area. (this idea i had since i was a child - never lost it's appeal)
   
6. work on DreamWorks, Lucas Digital or Squaresoft (character designer, illustrator or even matte painter)
   
7. stay in a place found "between nowhere and goodbye" (if you've seen MDB, you'll know "where" that is!)
   

7 things i can do:

1. write
2. draw
3. cross stitch
   
4. cook
   
5. design websites
6. make comic books
   
7. walk long distances (something i happen to enjoy)
   

7 things i can't do

1. sing!
2. dance!
3. talk for long periods of time (that's why i prefer written communication).
   
4. interact with a large number of people (i get dizzy and disoriented after a while)
   
5. sit still for long (i'll stamp my feet and drum my fingers)
   
6. apologize (?) well, not really but it takes a great deal before i can, even if i'm the one who's wrong. but i'm working on it!
   
7. babysit for a long period of time (i tend to lose my patience).

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex

1. the IT factor (right attitude above all)
   
2. unusual face (could vary)
   
3. witty conversation
4. sense of humor
5. intellect
6. some special skill--cooking, playing an instrument, singing, dancing, whatever
7. integrity
   

7 things i say the most

1. lintek!
2. pucha!
3. sieteng unggoy!
   
4. naman!
5. naloko na!
   
6. why? or at bakit?
   
7. ano kayang problema (mo/nya/non/ko)?
   

Liquid Generation

Just some really funny quiz results I got from Liquid Generation (http://liquidgeneration.com), quite an amusing site. Funny questions, funny results. :)

Which Movie Hero Are You?

Well, I happen to like Jack Sparrow. No complaints. I share some of his personality traits. Except the part of being a "motor-mouth" and I don't act like a stupid drunk (at least not in public!) As for the "sometimes smart", that's true. I get good ideas from time to time, but yes, I could do really stupid things (and you do not want to be near me when it happens), usually with near "apocalyptic" results. :D

The Ultimate Star Wars Personality Test

Not 100% true. For one thing, I don't have feathered hair and I'm not very sure I have a good heart (well, i'm not inclined to murder anybody, so i guess that's a sign).

some random randomness

the headache does not want to go away. sometimes, i think i might have brain tumor or something. but wait, the ache isn't tumor-like, not sharp, more of a constant dull ache at the back of my head and behind my eyes.

what else? i am also broke. hehehe. not a cent on my pocket. i walked all the way from my house to the office. not that it bothers me a lot, i'm used to walking long distances (did it a lot during my elementary and high school days), even during rainy seasons. speaking of rainy seasons, i suddenly remembered staying on the park with friends during a signal no. 2 storm. teh. trees swingin' in the breeze(!) my friend has a bit of a family misunderstanding and does not want -resolutely- to go home. me and my bestfriend are very reluctant to leave him (can't just leave a guy in the middle of a storm, can you?)...so we stayed and the three of us ate home made "siomai" while giving each other bits of bad advice! :)

heh. another thing, sometimes i feel like g.i. jane. my bestfriend during elementary was a guy. during high school most of my peers were guys (although my bestfriend was a girl - who was more like a little sister because she was terribly immature - in fact, i cannot think of a single reason why i hung out with her! - * must have my head examined*), and during fourth year (i transferred), i'm part of the Bioman clique (three guys, two girls). anyway, guys make better friends than girls, in my opinion. they mean what they say, you'd rarely get duplicity from them (i don't know, maybe the fact that i was raised by my father -mostly- and that i had one other sibling -brother-was a contributing factor) and easier to talk to. of course i had women (and gay) friends as well, but they're a lot like me, sort of the "ellen ripley/lara croft" type. can't be helped.

it's saturday tomorrow, i'm going to sleep till noon. wah! and maybe work on my drawing techniques after a while. ah...

Flippant Quote of the Day: "Never go to bed angry, always stay up and plot your revenge!" - Anon. :D

New Works

Mary Jane Watson WIP

John Hartigan - Sin City
see also @ http://www.leiaskywalker83.deviantart.com

(materials - ordinary sketch paper, 4B, 6B, B, H, Mongol)

Perhaps, when I perfected the technique I might move to more unconventional portraits. Just to widen my range.

Resident Evil : A New Blood

Another sleepy little town, things were not what they seem to be.

Not good. Not good, If somebody's trying to cut your neck off!
Resident Evil 4 Screenshots

Haven't gotten around to playing the new Resident Evil 4. Graphics were topnotch, game play's superb. I love the atmosphere. Dark and brooding. They brought Leon Scott Kennedy back, Umbrella's gone underground. Another good thing. Hope I'll have time.

I'm a bit depressed today. Don't know why.

Anyway, the world seems a bit closer to Resident Evil when I'm depressed. Another generally bad day. A splitting headache....ach. Lack of sleep...prime reason?? I have not been sleeping good lately. I wake up during the wee hours of the morning and can't sleep again. Can't think of anything else to say...

"Million Dollar Baby" - Big Girls Don't Cry

"All right. I'm gonna disconnect your air machine, then you're gonna go to sleep. Then I'll give you a shot, and you'll... stay asleep. Mo cuishle means "My darling, my blood." "
Frank to Maggie (last heart rending scene)

Rented "Million Dollar Baby" last night. Turned out to be a real jewel. The film "explains" why it got Four (4) - Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actress, and Best Supporting Actor- Academy Awards.

So I'll attempt to write a review. Attempt, because usually, my so-called reviews turn out to be "blurbs" and "disjointed" thoughts. Whatever. Here goes nothing.

Rating: 4 stars out of 4

Cast:
Clint Eastwood, Hilary Swank and Morgan Freeman
Directed by Clint Eastwood

Synopsis: (yahoomovies)
In the wake of a painful estrangement from his daughter, boxing trainer Frankie Dunn has been unwilling to let himself get close to anyone for a very long time--then Maggie Fitzgerald walks into his gym. In a life of constant struggle, Maggie's gotten herself this far on raw talent, unshakable focus and a tremendous force of will. But more than anything, she wants someone to believe in her. The last thing Frankie needs is that kind of responsibility-- let alone that kind of risk--but won over by Maggie's sheer determination, he begrudgingly agrees to take her on. In turns exasperating and inspiring each other, the two come to discover that they share a common spirit that transcends the pain and loss of their pasts, and they find in each other a sense of family they lost long ago. Yet, they both face a battle that will demand more heart and courage than any they've ever known.


Review: (got spoilers)

I thought I'd be watching just another "boxing movie". You know how it is, rookie trains, loses, gets hurt, recovers, makes a comeback, kicks the rival's ass, gets the girl and everybody comes out happy. If you've seen all the Rocky Movies, you definitely know what I'm talking about. Call it Rocky-female-version. But I was wrong. Dead wrong. And I'm happy about it. :)

"I don't train girls.", that's what Frank "Frankie" Dunn (Clint Eastwood) told Margaret "Maggie" Fitzgerald when the latter asked if the veteran boxing trainor could take her under his wing. But Maggie's dogged determination eventually won him over (she comes to the gym everyday - because she paid 6 months of membership Frank can't just toss her away- , practices even if Frank and everyone else just mostly ignore her.) Maggie comes from a poor white trash background, she works as a waitress during the day to support herself (her family by the way, was a bunch of parasites - her mother, brother, and sister were all Welfare dependent freaks with very repulsive attitudes - very evident when Maggie was paralyzed, - her mother once told her "everybody talks about what you do -being a woman boxer- and they laugh. Go find yourself a man. Live proper." Live proper! Ha!). She's a very determined person - took to eating customer leftovers to save what meager income she has.

Frank on the other hand is, at first glance, an abrasive, grouchy and generally unpleasant man (given to bouts of sarcasm ad pessimism). He goes to church every week - yet does nothing but argue with the priest about wether or not God exists.heh. He' also estranged from his daughter (he writes her, but the letters always come back everytime.) But of course there is more to Frank than meets the eye. (again evident when Maggie was paralyzed - from the neck down- after the championship fight and the way he treats her even before the incident - very sweet -.)

Anyway, like I said, Frank finally agrees to train Maggie , after much persuation from various sources - most notably Eddie "Scrap-Iron" Dupris (Morgan Freeman), former boxing champ-now Gym maintenance after losing his eye on a fight - then left to rot away by his manager. Frank's friend and "conscience" .

Maggie and Frank had a father-daughter, mentor-student relationship.

...to be continued...

+ Journey into the Grey Heavens +

Lay down your sweet and weary head.

Night is falling. You’ve come to journey's end.

Sleep now and dream of the ones who came before.

They are calling from across the distant shore...

..Hope fades into the world of night.

Through shadows falling out of memory and time.

..And all will turn to silver glass.

A light on the water, all souls pass...

..The ships have come to carry you home.

Grey ships pass into the west...

-Into the West

(Annie Lennox )

the return of the king

Some Random Jabs and The "Randal Graves" Decision

Music: FITHOS LUSEC WECOS VINOSEC - Final Fantasy VIII OSTAsphodel - memorial sorrow; my regrets follow you to the grave.

I have decided to adopt the life view of Randal Graves (some of his life views anyway, excluding the more "extreme" ones), in light of recent experiences. I have decided to never again set foot on "Klendathu" where "bugs" abound. I bet even veteran MI Johnny Rico (and friends) will have trouble taking these guys out. (feh!)

I was just thinking, and I've been thinking about this for a very long time; what if I decided to just forgo all my "worldly" responsibilities and concentrate on my creative talents, like perhaps, Vincent Van Gogh or reclusive poet Emily Dickenson? What if I stopped going to work or paying my bills? Paint and draw non-stop instead, like I've always wanted? What if I decided to "break" these "chains" and be free?? Perhaps only then would I be truly happy? Maybe. I believe so.

....But I could have told you Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you...

Anyway, it's always back to "reality" (however dreadful it may be).

I'm in a bad disposition today, courtesy of the "Velociraptor".

Your Journey Terminates Here

Might see a movie next Saturday. Creep, starring Franka Potente - now showing -. Just a generic slasher flick, but...the hell.

"Liberi Fatali" and other thoughts

Music: "Vide Cor Meum" - Hannibal OST

"...Lowlifes."

"...Shameless filthy wretches."

"How you celebrate my ascension with such joy."

"Hailing the very one whom you have condemned for generations."

"Have you no shame?"

"What happened to the evil, ruthless sorceress from your fantasies?"

"The cold-blooded tyrant that slaughtered countless men and destroyed many nations?"

"Where is she now?"

"She stands before your very eyes to become your new ruler.

Sorceress Edea (Ultimecia) - Final Fantasy VIII

-during her ascencion speech on Deling City, Galbadia-

I miss FFVIII. Might play tomorrow. Haven't played the game for eons. Complex gameplay and story. The speech above was one of my most favourite lines during the game, demonstrates the danger of extreme "collectivism" and the general stupidity of the "mob" -otherwise known as the citizens of Galbadia - (they were cheering the whole time, seemingly unaware that they had just been insulted! - it's like "The Emperor's New Clothes" -)

What else? I must look very old. Because I have been referred to as "ma'am" and "po" by tricycle drivers, salesclerks, and the like. It happened again this morning. teh! Not that I am complaining too much, just a random observation. It's a bit funny.

And what's more, I have also been called "Sir" on several occasions. It gets irritating at times. (reminded me of Tilda Swinson's experience - she had been searched in the airport by a male security guard and addressed as "Sir" many times, which she attributes to her not wearing much make-up and presumably not dressing like a "proper lady", not to mention being extra tall). But like Tilda, I have no plans to change anything for their benefit. I'm comfortable this way.