My life these past few days has become excruciatingly dull, boring...and all other words pertaining to "lack of significance". Maybe it was the fact that I keep doing "quasi-somethings" or because there has been "nothing" going on. Nothing even remotely stimulating (I wonder when that bathroom painting project will start? Yes. I'd rather paint bathrooms now.)
You know it's bad when cutting paper price tags and stapling numerous brochures/flyers has become somewhat enlivening. I've also been asked to hand out flyers later this afternoon - on god-knows-where - which is not anywhere near "stimulating". But rather tramples on my self-esteem like a herd of stampeding elephants (I detest handing out flyers, if you must know - I'd very much prefer transcribing ancient documents while sitting on a dark basement room for days on end).
It's like walking underwater. There's also a pervading sense of unreality. It's like there's a thin film separating this world from me. I'm viewing things from the other end of a very long tunnel. Wha! That sure is descriptive.
So far, I feel most alive when working on my drawings. And maybe when I still have my Windows OS and Photoshop (not to mention my music, as most of the songs I hear as of late are rather "cringe-inducing" and prevents me -in part- from making "inspired" creations. Yes I'm "weird" that way.) *sigh* I haven't practiced Photoshop for ages! And SWISH too - I miss making all those R.E. mini-animations (w/c unfortunately got formatted along with my WINMe), while imagining music videos for songs like "Head Like A Hole" and "Getting Away With Murder". I've also designed a number of experimental CD covers/jackets.
The only "creative" stint I've had is making flyers (which is also "boredom-inducing" to the Nth degree. Did I also mention "uninspiring"?? That is almost as bad as designing generic calling cards and other types of cards - except maybe "Hallmark" types) I'd also like to point out the fact that it is "disheartening" to find your work trimmed-down and produced/printed on "non-quality" materials. Can you imagine how Da Vinci would feel if you asked him to paint an elaborate colored canvas only to tell him that his work will not appear as it is, but would rather be xeroxed, printed and mass-marketed using "lunch-bag" paper (or some other equivalent material)? I can see him wanting to thump you.
I can remember one "slightly-exciting" project this year. And it's the "Kiwanis Programme" (yeah, I kid you not). Sure, Ive been pressed for time (I got maybe 3 days) and it's not even the best of my creations (there ARE flaws). But at least, I got to use quality materials. Overnighting isn't too bad either (In all honesty, I'd be much happier if I'm allowed to work at night. With the lights - except the computer screen - out. No other people milling about, I can think and do my work better when I'm left with minimum supervision. The best time to come up with "earth-shattering" inspirations is between one to five in the morning, according to my experience. Yes, once again, I'm "weird" that way.) There's nothing more annoying than being pestered every two minutes about your progress and someone hovering like an overgrown bat (think Snape) over your shoulder.
Hey, I've read somewhere that "business" and "artist" types don't always see eye-to-eye. Except maybe in places like LucasArts or Square Enix. There must be some kind of gap/gulf in the communication.
Yes, I do understand that we live in the "real" world and there are such things as budget and stuff like that. :( But that doesn't stop me from ranting. Ehe! A way to diminish the "boredom".
Do you know how an aneurysm feels like? I can tell one coming up right now.
Ach! But I made up my plans for next year (in which things will get progressively better, I hope. Too bad, I had to sacrifice my "personal philosophy". Something I have managed not to do for the last 2 and 1/2 years, despite the pressures. But then there's the "Principle of Equivalent Exchange")
Christmas plans. I'll work on Dwayne Hicks and another original illustration. Or sleep. Who knows??
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