"The Forgotten"

"Are you asocial or do you just enjoy living in the Antarctic?"
(both I think)

Now I know how Cloud Strife and Squall Leonhart feels!
*sigh*
I received a text message from my friend "Miriam", just this morning. She basically said, "Hello. Have you forgotten me?"Jesus-bleedin'-Christ! First it's my brother, who practically accused me of "ignoring", "forgetting" and "taking him for granted", because according to what my mother said (apparently, he unloaded his woes on her) I don't talk to him much (come to think of it I haven't spoken to him for weeks - and I'm not even mad or anything, I just "forgot" to speak to him) or that I come and leave the house without so much as "acknowledging" him. Right. People can be so hard to understand sometimes. I thought it was perfectly ok with him, turns out I was wrong.

I mean, he of all people should know me! I'm not exactly the "cuddly-bear" type. I don't "shower" affection to anybody (at least not "that" obviously). And yes, I don't speak that much (even at home). Touching and hugging is something that is very irksome/bothersome to me (I like to hug and be hugged sometimes, but ONLY in my own terms). Guess that makes me abnormal now, does it??! Grr! >.<

I have explained the matter several times before! It's not that I do not care for my brother (I buy him things -CDs & drawing materials- even if there is no occasion) or my friends or my family. It's a matter of personality. I happen to have a rich inner life which sustains me. And I guess the reason for the "distance" is that I often get "overwhelmed" when interacting with people (imagine opening a loaded furnace and having the fire full blast on your face!) I get "tired" (even if the conversation is intellectually stimulating). It's that simple! Why do you think I hate crowds, parties, meetings? Have you had that impression of "drowning"? It's like standing outside, naked, in the middle of a hurricane! Can you picture that?? Can you?? I can't stand the noise (it's like loud, "rythm-less" static), swirling about in colourless clouds, the smell (oh, yes, the smell is "overpowering", not exactly repugnant, but the smell of the "collective" is sometimes enough to make someone faint! and I'm NOT exaggerating!!)

Hmm...you know what? My vision of "peace" had always been this: Standing in the middle of a wheat/flower field, with the sun setting, my arms embracing the vastness of the sky,nothing but the sound of birds and animals and the wind on my face. Ala "Gladiator", when Maximus goes to the Elysian Fields. That is the reason why Gandalf's words (about "death") on "The Return of the King" had such an impact on me: "....and the grey rain curtain of this world rolls back, and all will turn to silver-glass....and then you see it...White shores... and beyond. The far green country under a swift sunrise. "

And now, "Miriam" thinks I've forgotten her (*sigh* - If I could only resort to mental telepathy!) Well, I sure did forget her birthday (my mistake, I admit). I honestly didn't think it would matter (I for one, couldn't care less if my parents & friends forgot my birthday, I mean, who cares?? It's just a "date"! Jesus Christ!) This is the Nth time I've been accused of "coldness" and "thoughtlessness". I'm almost used to it! I have a, shall we say, "low" need for human interaction...but does that equate to "coldness"?!?! Really!

*sigh* But wait, there are people I consider part of my "Ka-tet", we have this "connectedness" that has nothing to do words or "cuddlyness" or all that "superficial caring" sh*t. We have been friends for 6 years now, the three of us. We have basically the same "inclination", but not the "personality". I remember, we once had a little "misunderstanding", which led to us not speaking to one another for a considerable length of time. But one day, we decided to just "talk". No "I'm so sorry." yadda...yadda. We never mentioned the incident again, and resumed our friendship. We still have little disagreements over matters but that can be solved with our combined efforts.

And the best thing about this friendship is that we never "require" one another to text, say "gushy words" (we'd jump off a cliff before we do - of course we counsel each other when we have problems, but we have an entirely different approach!) or even meet regularly (what would you expect, we love gallows humour, that sort of thing). There are periods when we won't see each other for months, but when we do meet again, the "connection" is still there, never broken by time, it's as if we just saw one another yesterday! Isn't that the most wonderful thing??

Finally, a quote from a website about introverts:
"It is very difficult for an extravert to understand an introvert. Therefore the extravert may see the introverted person as someone with a problem, not as simply someone with a different personality type. This may lead to attempts to get them to be 'friendlier,' to work in larger groups, to talk more often and more spontaneously, and to be more outgoing and interactive. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. It does not need to be cured. It simply needs to be understood and accepted."