Wednesday, September 21, 2005

The Blessed Nuttiness; That Fine Madness

The creator lives for his work. He needs no other men. His primary goal is within himself. ... The basic need of the creator is independence.

The reasoning mind cannot work under any form of compulsion. It cannot be curbed, sacrificed or subordinated to any consideration whatsoever. It demands total independence in function and in motive. To a creator, all relations with men are secondary.

Howard Roark in The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand

Let us remember that only dead fish swim with the stream.

Be Absurd. Be Very Absurd. (tehehehe!)

On Eccentricity. I have long considered myself to be an 'eccentric' person. And a number of people have often described me as such. When I was younger, it really used to bother me. A lot. To the point that I even tried to 'normalize' myself. But I soon found out that denying my natural 'weirdness' made me extremely miserable. Must be the root of my, sort of,chronic depression.

I found myself to be slightly more 'advance' than my peers during elementary & high school. There's this teacher I had in Grade V who made it her hobby to lambast me for NOT being talkative or "friendly" ( I have four or five inner circle friends but most certainly not a FanClub). I used to just sit in a corner and read (or draw) or my fifth favourite activity "people watching". I like observing people, not interacting with them, just observing. And that, according to my dunce of a teacher, is not a "good" thing. Plus, I'm not really all into girly things, sure I played with dolls for a while (not for a very long time- got me bored), but I also like "baril-barilan" and robots. I'm a child of Shaider, Voltes V (re-runs), Ultraman, Magmanan, Masked Rider Black and "Maskuman" (music please - ..."matatag taga-pagtanggol ng inaapi...nahahandang mag-alay ng buhay...ang maskuman tanod ng kapayapaan...dapat nating tularan ang kagitingan, Laser Squadron Maskuman! Maskuman!) There! I still remember the tagalog lyrics of "Ai No Soldier". hehehehe....That's where I found my first kick-ass women idols (I liked Yellow Mask and Princess/Prince Igamu and Ani). Women who refused to be merely "eye-candy". They have spunk, intelligence and independence, and most of all, they couldn't care less about what other people would think. I admire women "warriors", they don't stand behind, but fight alongside men. No damsels-in-distress and not shrinking violets. A Brief List:
  • Eowyn, Shieldmaiden of Rohan (The Lord of The Rings)
  • Xena, Warrior Princess
  • Joan of Arc (I liked the portrayal of Joan on Luc Besson's "The Messenger")
  • Morgan Le Fey (Arthurian Legends)
  • Galadriel (The Lord of the Rings)
  • Arwen Evenstar (The Lord of the Rings - more on movie version)
  • (Sir) Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing (Hellsing) - oh yes, she's a woman but she's also a Knight.
  • Sidney Bristow (Alias)
  • Padme Amidala, Leia Organa - both Senators, diplomats and warriors (Star Wars Trilogies)
  • Jedi Knights Aayala Secura, Siri Tachi etc.. (Star Wars Trilogies)
  • Mara Jade-Skywalker - Emperor's Hand and later accomplished Jedi Knight - (Star Wars Expanded Universe)
  • Jane Eyre ("Jane Eyre" by Charlotte Bronte)
  • Dr. Aki Ross (Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within)
  • B'Elanna Torres, Captain Kathryn Janeway (Star Trek: Voyager)
  • Jessica Zafra (heh! one of my favourite writers, soon to be dominatrix of the universe!)
Anyway, back to my classroom experiences, incidents like that continued to occur during my school years.
And throughout my 20+ years of existence. But I was glad to have met like-minded individuals too. What I appreciated about them was that they never, not once, judged me. We, I would dare say, are proud to be who we are, bittersweet, with lots of nuts. :)

I remembered that line from JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings (pertaining to Eowyn) - book version-

“My friend, you had horses, and deeds of arms, and the free fields; but she, born in the body of a maid, had a spirit and courage at least the match of yours......But who knows what she spoke to the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches of the night, when all her life seemed shrinking, and the walls of her bower closing in about her, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?”
- Gandalf to Eomer

On Creativity and "Treatment":

"I want to keep those sufferings," said expressionist artist Edvard Munch. When told he could end his cycle of psychiatric hospitalizations with available treatment, he replied that emotional torments "are part of me and my art. They are indistinguishable from me, and it would destroy my art." (11). As Jamison points out, many creative people are reluctant to be transformed by psychiatric treatment into "normal, well-adjusted, dampened, and bloodless souls" no longer moved to create.

From Creativity and Irrational Forces: Eccentric Artists and Mad Scientists by Laura Gosselink

Random Stuff I like:
  • Paranormal/Mysteries of the Unkown/Human Engineering (Atlantis/Human Experimentation/Human Genetic Engineering/Lost Civilizations/Quantum Physics - especially the nature of time - Time Travel)
  • Crime/Horror/Epic Stories
  • FrenchFries (severely addicted)
  • Exploring "nature Vs. nurture"
  • Psychology (various theories of human behaviour are endlessly fascinating)
  • Sci-Fi
  • Videogames (RPGs/Survival-Horror)
  • Death (*shrug*) - nature, implications, images
  • High Fantasy (you know, Dungeons and Dragons, witches and wizards)
  • H.R. Giger/Luis Royo
  • Darkness and the Nature of "Evil" (and the grey areas in between)
  • Iced Tea (heh!)
  • Classical/Rock Music
  • Vincent Van Gogh
  • Stephen King
  • Androgyny (I consider myself psychologically androgynous -and maybe physically too - I'm not a "girly" girl, wait, I have nothing against women/men who like to dress glamourously, I like looking and appreciating them - I just don't like the whole "dressing" up thing. It makes me feel "caged" - the reason I despise the uniform- In short, I like designing clothes, but not wearing them. I find having the characteristics and thinking patterns of both genders very beneficial - especially if you have to write stories.)
  • Unusual faces.
  • "Sisig", "Paa-ng-Manok" and "Bopis".
  • Coffee. (Black. Very Black)
  • "Bato" of Balut. (heh!)
  • Books
  • Star Wars/ Star Trek
  • Tori Amos
  • Knives/Swords/Guns/Artifacts/stuffed animals -taxidermy-/war masks (I'd like to have a collection when I'm financially capable - heh!)
Random Stuff I Don't Like:
  • Too much noise.
  • "Meaningless" (definition may vary) conversations.
  • Sheep masquerading as people (individuals who are not individuals)
  • People touching my head or any part of my face (my parents included).This is enough to warrant a fit of rage.
  • People touching me without my permission (especially people I don't know), gets me extremely irritated. I'm not the huggy type.
  • Touching and "barrowing" my things (works/collection) without permission. I am very particular with this. Anyone who attemps this will see "Hell".
  • Tinapa
  • The crowding of my "personal space" (which is very wide). That's why I hate crowds. Any place with a high concentration of people (such as concerts, parties and meetings) I try to avoid. Umm..I also do not like sharing the table when eating, if it was possible (just with people I'm comfortable with). Being with a large number of people leaves me feeling "zapped", tired and put out.
  • Bananas. I abhore bananas.
  • Telenovelas/Soap Operas. (I consider them "trash", sorry to say)
  • The color pink.
  • Overwhelming odours (never had a liking for perfumes and such, irritates my nose).
  • Make-up.


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